A review of the year is fairly… it’s tricky.
See, I’ve attempted a few drafts – because I feel there’s this balance difficult to weigh up.
I could just showcase my highlights, but that doesn’t really look too much at the times I’ve struggled.
But some of the drafts where I discuss my struggles ends up overshadowing the good bits and sometimes make me seem entitled or ungrateful.
A few blogs I’ve written this year have looked at some of the negatives. I needed a break from social media when I was feeling particularly low and feeling things were particularly difficult.
There are a few blogs I’ve got drafted, some of which may see the light of day at the right moment about different struggles and challenges. But to gloss some over.
The second part of the year in particular I’ve found a lot of film opportunities have dried up. With many rearing their heads at just too short notice (and some of which where my invite felt like an afterthought) or just too… “I need a sub on *this day* at a really awkward time, when trains are expensive and you might need an overnight stay; oh and there’s a required tribute and there’ll be 4 slaves hopefully so this might work out at 2-3 scenes if you’re lucky” – I’m paraphrasing. But still 😉
This also coupled that there had been a few people I’d been talking to about play, some of which looked positive in the first part of the year but then for whatever reason either didn’t happen or there was no part 2. Nobody’s fault as such; but a mixture of circumstances, or changing mind and some of this did kick my confidence into being too pushy or broaching with others.
There have been times I have felt a bit of a spectator – but, attempts to rectify this haven’t gone to plan.
Now that some of the lows are out of the way.
Aims for the previous year
My aims for 2018 I kept quite… high level.
I also kept many private.
Some of the published ones were – to do more Sploshing (as in me giving…) and get more content for my UMD store – and I achieved… none of that!
I also had a published one to attend a strap on party, but the one I pinky promised someone I’d go to first just ended up being too expensive. The timing meant an overnight was required – so two days off work, a hotel and a £100-£150 train fare straight off the bat. So, I just couldn’t justify it.
There was another party I did look at and could’ve made, but a film opportunity worked out as being the same day.
But, on the positive – I did start 2018 with someone in mind I really wanted to film with – and did – and as time progressed I was introduced to someone else I also really wanted to film with – and did.
Although, a few people where there was hope/talk to film with just… didn’t happen. Some of which I am quite disappointed about. But, I’ll wait patiently for the call.
But, while on paper it looks like my aims were a disaster. Let’s move onto the next section…
Obviously the highlight of the year has to be that Miss Suzanna and I decided to move towards ownership. We’ve also had a couple of amazing filming days together – and the most recent one was very laid back with an aim of getting “quality clips, rather than a quantity” and when I look over the year I have been part of some quality clips.
Gushing about Miss Suzanna is easy because She is so kind, caring, understands what is important to me (even prior to us formalising ownership) and knows the best ways to prod and push me. Which is why W/we did some activities together this year that required a lot of trust – Bullwhipping, Needles, Sounding, Waterboarding.
I’m also comfortable-ish with how much I can prod Her – haha.
Other highlights… in no particular order, maybe.
Being nominated for an award at the UKAP Awards (I didn’t win, but it was a fun night)
Although filming opportunities were kinda dry, there were some amazing clips including with Miss Suzanna, Mxtress Valleycat, Miss Courtney, Goddess Kitty, Rosa Vile, Sir Claire Black, Rebekka Raynor, Nikki French, Miss Kitty Bliss, Miss Kennya, Goddess Ezada, Mistress Siada, Mistress Lexa, Miss Aida Ruler and Miss Ruby Marks.
And I mean all this in no particular order.
Going to Romania to film with House of Sinn was a true highlight and honour – and also there were good memories generated from the trip to the farm in Berlin.
I am considering individual ‘highlights’ posts. We shall see.
I also did enjoy some fun private play with friends.
Obviously the solid relationship of myself and Mx Valleycat growing is a highlight – and also the continued success of events I’m involved in such as Sunderland Munch, Liber8 and the launch of Play L8.
Normally I do “aims” as a separate post. In 2018 I elected against a strict bucket list as I found that it was quite disappointing watching a lack of interaction on mine. Even if it turns out a lot who did get noise on their own, found a lot didn’t end up happening.
– Progress relationship with Miss Suzanna. We are meeting shortly to try to work out a little bit of a plan and that will help U/us both.
– Oh, and some more photos together is definitely a bucketlist – but, I know this is very… when appropriate, and not just to keep me happy
– I do want to get a little filming schedule going on – actually planned days whereby I am a good fit for the job and not just called up last minute due to drop outs…. both with those I’ve done stuff with in the past and there are a few names I’d love to do stuff with even if this is a list that has drastically changed.
– Potentially actually getting my clip store(s) up and running. I did suffer a setback in one of my big ideas – but other options exist. I do have a total of 3 store ideas, some of which interlink – some of which is a case of working out finances and budgets but… y’know… options exist.
– More debauchery. When clarifying some “what was allowed” with Miss Suzanna some words were “I want you in as much debauchery as possible… but I want to know about it”. Since She granted me that, I’ve got very little to tell Her! Some of that may require my own confidence improving, as I say, a string of soft nos, unreplied messages and the likes has kicked my confidence a little. But, y’know conversations can work both ways 😉
Not that I expect response, or for them to be positive – but you understand how a string of poor results led me to question myself. I hope.
– And I’ve still a lot of gunge to pour over someone, with or without camera rolling 😉