eyemblacksheep

Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

The pitfall of ‘personal responsibility’

I think something I want to make as a point is that sometimes how you respond to an incident or allegations can often say as much about you as the actual incident or allegation.

So if, for example, there’s a high profile sexual assault case and you start picking apart the victims story (which simultaneously complaining about ‘trial by social media’) what this does is it tells your friend, family, clients, customers, so on that you would do the same with them.

From a lot of this; one buzz phrase I think is overused and irresponsible is ‘Personal Responsibility’.

Within the kink and fetish scene in particular a lot of things are not black and white.

Ask not what your Dominant can do for you; ask what you can do for your Dominant

I feel that in a couple of recent posts [including my recent blog post] and some comments I’ve made on social media that, there’s things I’ve implied that take away from somewhat of a core message.

Without wishing to defend myself too much; I find a big problem is trying to keep blogs down from being epic opuses, when there’s so many branch points off.

But, not just me – there’s something many others are missing, forgetting, or not always relaying…

So – subs, would be subs, slaves and would be slaves.

The most important message you should constantly be drilling through your head is…
Ask not what your Dominant can do for you; ask what you can do for your Dominant.

Does my Domme really like me, or is it purely financial?

This is a blog I think a number of conversations and more has led me to write; but it’s arguably controversial.

“Does she really like me, or is it purely financial?”

Oh. OK.

I suppose a counter argument could be from a Dominant, “Does the sub really like me or the fantasy of me? The fetishes? So on”

To me
The real questions you should be asking are:
Am I enjoying myself?
Am I happy with how things are going?

Top Posts of 2019

In previous years I’ve retweeted out some of my most read blogs of the year, but this time I thought I’d put them all in one link.

There’s been a mixed bag of the educational, the funny and the diaries… so, a good chance to catch up on some you may have missed.

2019 in review

Re-reading my 2018 review I couldn’t help but get a sense of de ja vous.

Initially, I’d tried and failed to write a 2019 write-up I was happy with.
That, as I’m sure most people will know, I find it important to be open, honest and authentic.
Presenting “everything is wonderful” ignores some of the bad times and struggles and sometimes glosses over emotions.

Mistress Profiles : The Foxtress

Foxtress.
Based in London, She is the London Switch Bitch.

She’s involved in a whole bunch of stuff – including the DVS network and Domina Parties. She recently launched her own clip stores.

Satire : sub learns that doing exactly what he wants to do isn’t submission.

GoodSub231 is currently recovering from shock after realising that doing exactly what he wanted was not submission.

“I’d been struggling to convince people on my local scene that I would be a good sub,” he explains, “So… ha… I had this idea.  I thought if I paid a local Pro for a bit – I could prove I was a good sub to others”

It had seemingly been going well for him.  Every few weeks he was paying for a session, just an hour mind – with the lady with the lowest tribute he could find – and going through his fetishes and being told he was a good sub.

Satire : Sub shocked to find he just had to book a session.

Sub shocked to find he just had to book a session.

After spending a year or so wasting his time and everyone else’s writing shit like “I’ll do anything to be at your feet Mistress xxx” on everything from promo posts to sales posts to personal posts, a sub was shocked to find he just had to book a session.

Mistress Profiles : Ms Aleera

Ms Aleera.
Based near London, She is the Queen of the Wolves.

She has worked with many great people – as part of Domina Parties but also through events like the Domme Retreats. She also has her own wolf pack.

“Topping from the Bottom” – a misused term

A somewhat common phrase within kink is “Topping from the Bottom” which is also presented as being a bad thing.

I do agree that it is, if not consensual – and can be bad for both the Dominant and the sub in scenes.
However, I also feel that it’s a term that gets misused. It can leave subs afraid to speak up or communicate. It can also send the Dominants on the wrong path. But, worse, it can be used as a tool to get away with abuse.

Maintaining Self-Esteem in a dynamic that seemingly goes against it.

I was recently in a Twitter discussion regarding self-esteem.  A question being that : How can a a sub maintain healthy self-esteem in a D/s relationship as an “Inferior”?

I think there is a lot of language used, especially online, which comes across this way.  But the reality should be a little different.

Mistress Profiles : Nina Hiss

It’s been a while since I last did the ‘Mistress Profile’ series – and so, about time it came back.  There are three I’ve already got ready and hopefully more to follow.

First off, I’m going to start with someone I had the pleasure of finally meeting earlier this year and we’ve since met up a couple of times for filming and wrestling.

Nina Hiss.

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