eyemblacksheep

Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

Finding the right Dominant for you : some vetting tips.

So.
You’re scrolling through Twitter or Fetlife or wherever and see photos or mention of someone that makes you go “ooh”.
Perhaps this could be a picture or clip of someone you’ve found attractive or maybe something they’ve said that reasons with your mind.

There’s a little part of your brain spikes up and goes “I simply have to meet this person”.

Of course in a lot of cases a lot of initial horniness takes over – and is where we get a lot of the stupid from – but again to cut this quicker you’re a rational person and can manage to type with hands above the keyboard and begin to type an application to serve or book a session.

Which, um, is still some of the horniness taking over.

In some of these steps  that follow are things to consider to help increase the chances of the person being right for you on whatever basis.

The purpose of this blog serves for an almost pre-contact vetting.  I may continue this series for almost ongoing vetting.

Submission isn’t black and white – knowing what you’re looking for

Submission isn’t always black and white

One of the first and most important rules in submission is that ‘the rules’ are defined by your relationship and dynamic.

Sometimes the answer “is this normal?” is, “yes” and “does it matter anyway, if it works for you?”.

Of course, sometimes this can be easier if you are in a relationship and exploring, working out what does and doesn’t work for you.

But this can sometimes be trickier if you’re seeking a relationship or are constantly facing challenges or things not being quite right.

Fantasy v Reality : If it’s real to you, it’s real

My thoughts on Fantasy v Reality take a little bit of a twist today.

See, I had intended on following up my, more lighthearted, post – with something more serious about some of my struggles.

But, instead I decided on another angle.

For this I need to give you an anecdote of something that happened 2 years ago.

Grab a chair and get comfy

I was around a week away from what would be my second session with a Pro Domme. It was the same Lady as my first session, but, we’d had a lot of fun and wanted to do it again – and – some things we’d wanted to develop a little. read more

Back to Basics : Profile Pitfalls

Profile Pitfalls

I’m not sure if this is one for a ‘Back to Basics’ article – or – an opinion piece in it’s own right. Maybe a bit of both.

Anyway, I was on a website the other day and there was a guy hoping to find a Mistress* and was seeking advice on improving his profile to make him more appealing.
(*mind, this blog is going to be a bit more than F/m D/s)

Like many things, I feel there’s no correct solution. There are, however, lots of things that are wrong or disadvantage you.

A Taste of Heaven

“I’ll pre-warn you, my feet are sweaty”

Oh. Good.

This didn’t bother me. She knew it didn’t bother me. It was said to excite me.

But, in saying this before I removed Her boots… this did present a challenge.

Do I Deserve This?

Do I deserve this?

I am going to cut straight to the chase, I struggle, at times, with ‘Impostor Syndrome’.

In saying that – sometimes when I’m struggling I do acknowledge this is the problem, that it is a known thing. But, that doesn’t, always, help.

Story : Meet Amelia

“You actually asked for this?”
“Yes, Mistress”
“Meet Amelia… you may give her a kiss”

So, I did – a little kiss planted down the length of the leather.

Diary: Return to the Berlin Farm

After a really good weekend at the Hidden Torturer Farm last year, it was certainly a no-brainer to repeat the opportunity. (Read here for last years adventures).

Like previously, I was going with a view to be of assistance to Miss Courtney. However, a twist in the plot was that Miss Suzanna, whom I also have an amazing relationship with, was attending.

Fantasy v Reality : Mistakes Many Make

There’s been a lot on my mind lately regarding fantasy vs reality.

While, perhaps, a deeper blog on my thought process could be one “for the future” – this blog here is more designed at some of the many pitfalls that some seem to confuse.

The list is non-exhaustive.

Jealousy in Kink

Something that has been a struggle for me at times has been jealousy.

I want to talk about some of my struggles and spirals.

Some of this I drafted when feeling quite low, but a lot was written or reviewed when I was in a good place.
I think that’s also something extremely important, to be able to review how you felt – to be able to manage things in the future.

I would imagine that most/many subs have similar feelings.
It may even be that Dominants have similar, I don’t know. They probably do.

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