Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave
People often want different things from their patriation in the fetish community (be participation signing up for websites or going to munches/events).
And while some people seem to have great relationships, get lots of play, so on – there are those who often struggle and get frustrated.
The purpose of this blog is to highlight some common failures and also a little ‘what you can do to increase prospects’.
Punishments in BDSM often get talked about, but it’s something that’s often a little misunderstood, especially from newcomers.
Experienced subs or Dominants might talk about being punished, or punishing their subs.
If you watch BDSM clips, or read descriptions, there are some common tropes which come up.
Often that the sub is being punished. This can be for something like being untidy, not cleaning up properly. It could be for something seemingly minor, say, not using capital protocol. Forgetting “Good night” or “Good morning” messages, whatever.
Another agony aunt topic which I’ve taken from a paraphrased version of a very common topic.
This time about when a subs circumstances have changed.
“I have been in service to a Domme who works Professionally. Due to a change in my circumstances I can no longer afford to see her as often as either I would like, or that we had previously agreed.
The change in my circumstances has me very worried, and I don’t know how long this will last for.
I’ve seen many posts about how useless broke subs are. I am worried about letting her down. I am worried that if we have to take a break that she will replace me.
What should I do?”
I’m not at all surprised by many of the Dominants who’ve said that future priority will be given to those who supported them during the pandemic. Certainly if you’ve been supporting your Dominant during covid, it’ll be better for both of you at the other side of this.
This did throw a few questions and points in my head.
Although, obviously I agree with this stance.
So, hypothetically in the future I might speak to someone about something and they decline because they are prioritising those who supported them during the pandemic.
Sex toys once inhabited the realm of taboo. Now, they seem to be a pretty regular fixture in mainstream sex discourse. Want a bit of thriller in your vanilla? Grab a cock ring or a bullet vibrator – pocket-sized, accessible and socially acceptable.
Kinksters have known for years what the rest of the world only now seems to be waking up to; adult toys just make sex better. And apparently, a year of lockdowns has only sped up our lust for experimentation. London sex shops Coco De Mer and Ann Summers have seen their sales skyrocket as both newbies and fetish pros are spending these extended periods of isolation thinking outside the box.
We’re not very far into 2021. 2020 didn’t really go the way any of us envisioned and, I think, there is a good possibility of things to look forward to in 2021.
I don’t know how the situation will be in different countries, but, for the UK I would expect that after the priority groups are vaccinated that we will start to see restrictions eased.
Granted, some things might become more practical later rather than sooner. For example it might be that bars and venues can reopen, but if there’s things like social distancing and group limits or whatever it makes some things less viable.
2020 in Review – All that was. And all that wasn’t.
I’ve decided end of year reviews are always going to be weird.
This one… it’s been a year, hasn’t it?
Before I continue with this post, there is something important I want to raise. I’d be surprised if many of us have really made the progress we wanted to this year.
Tweets not going out? Categories disappearing? Words now vanishing and being replaced?
What is going on at Clips4Sale? And when is it getting resolved?
I’d been considering in doing an industry-news section of the blog and this seems to be a very appropriate time, with some chaos at clips4sale affecting buyers and sellers alike.
Firstly people noticed their sales and ‘new clip’ tweets were not going out. Some spotted the c4supdates twitter was marked as suspended.
This was a specific email I’d been sent for advice on a scenario.
I’m sure many have possibly had the same hypothetic concern, or, similar may have happened to them. This is my take.
The query relates to a session that’s been paid for in advance, failing to happen. What can the sub do?
A couple of messages (some of specific scenarios, some generally being a form of FAQ) has led me to start a new Agony Aunt category.
Consider that my advice is based solely on my experience.
I want to start with an extremely common question I’ve heard/answered which I’ve paraphrased below.
“I have told my wife/girlfriend/partner about my fetish/fantasy. Unfortunately, they have said no – they won’t do/try this with me. How can I get them to do this for/with me?”
More and more people are looking into opening their own clip store, or are considering the benefits of being on multiple.
It’s very easy to get carried away and a lot of pros and cons I want to look at in this guide.
Now it might be at this point, for whatever reason, you decide not to proceed in opening a clip store. Some people love filming. Some find it lacks the rhythm of a session.
But, if you continue – then I recommend opening a clip store on just one platform. But if you are on one platform already and are looking at branching out and opening a clip store on others.
Despite my headline, it’s been 7 months since a lockdown was first announced and we’ve been living with one restriction or another.
Even the most optimistic amongst us should also be braced that this is likely to continue for the next 6 months*. With some time for things to return to “normal” even after that.
(*the reality being that we’re going to need to see how we get through the winter – and that if the current vaccine trials prove successful – there’s still time required to roll out, to assess the efficiency and what the take-up is even like)