Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

Sometimes Blog Writing Slows Down

Last week I released my first blog of 2024.
In my peak I think I was managing 30-40 per year, so basically fortnightly.

So this asks two questions
What on Earth have I been up to the past 6 months – which I’ll come onto in a moment
Why is my frequency dried right up.

So here goes.

There’s three main reasons why the blog has slowed right down


Firstly is other stuff has taken priority.
Within kink that might well be my own store and the admin I do for others. But also outside of kink this involves some stuff I’m involved with in music, while also I’ve been sorting out moving house and selling an old flat.
So it’s important not to get in the way of things that make me money, things that can lose me money, other priorities and ways to relax and unwind.  I am really bad at taking time to relax and unwind. read more

Kink is a ‘Want’ – but why do we ‘Need’ it?

The thing with kink, is it isn’t actually a ‘need’.  You go through Maslow’s ‘hierarchy of needs’ and there’s no line for ballbusting.  We ain’t gonna die or go unfulfilled if we’re not sucking toes.  Water is as good (if not better) for hydration than piss or spit.

Kink is a want.  Though, it doesn’t half feel like a ‘need’ sometimes.

That in itself can be unhealthy and lead to bad decisions.  It’s important not to compromise your own boundaries for kink. It is important to find other ways to satisfy this ‘need’.

2023 in Review

I think to sum up 2023 is that… I am exhausted.

There’s certainly been a lot of good times, and I’ll come on to some of them and won’t play things down. But, I’ve been battling on a few fronts for so long and being in a position where I’ve not wanted to “miss out” but still feel I’ve not done nearly what I’d like to do.

Usually when I do end of year posts I do a highs/lows and looking forward to the following year.

However, it’s difficult to specifically pin point ‘lows’ so, I guess I’ll just reflect. read more

Diary : Fetish Awards 2023

It’s been a bit of a while since I did a diary style post and despite regularly attending award events, I’ve never really blogged about them. I have just attended the UK Fetish Awards.

So, here is a two for one.

The very first awards I went to was the UKAP Awards back in 2018, before UKAP became SNAP.

I didn’t know how things would go but it was when I was blogging *a lot* and someone suggested putting it forward to some of the awards people. So I did, and got shortlisted.

And while I didn’t win, or make the final board, it was a fun night out.

Are we friends, colleagues, or clients?

It’s been a topic in my mind in the past, and it came up in a little group chat the other day.

Friends and friendships.  Particularly within kink and/or the industry.

Particular frustrations, to paraphrase, “I thought we were friends, but we don’t talk any more and she no longer replies to me; was I just a customer”
I mean. Possibly. And it can be hard. If you thought the nature of your relationship was different to how the other person saw it.

But friendships in general are very complex.

Myths about Male Submissives

If you google “myths about submission” the vast majority of results that come back are bias towards submissive women.

And this is valid, and a lot of points are completely transferable, but – all too often I see myths that a lot of submissive men feel about themselves, or feel they have to live up to, or that they face.

Clip Site Incentives Would Be Nicer without Hoop Jumping

We’re a week into the clips4sale “120%” commission incentive… it’s LoyalFans 100% day… ManyVids launches another contest… and iWantClips are probably doing something.

And these incentives, tags, themes, initiaves, games, well…

Of course. It’s always nice to get extra in pay-packets. But wouldn’t it be even nicer if there was proper uplift without hoop jumping?

There’s a lot I get, and a lot of pros and cons of some of these.

All About Traffic

First off, what the sites want is you promoting them. You giving them traffic. You turning them into a brand people trust.
But the most precious thing you can give them is still… content. read more

Bet Your Orgasm (Fiction)

Mistress’s words were the only thing her sub heard, as he was under hypnosis. Her voice was soft and clear, like a whisper echoing in the dungeon. The only other sound came from the atmospheric electronic music that played in the background.

Her hot breath touched his ear, sending shivers down his spine as she spoke.

“I have a series of questions for you, it’s important you answer each one honestly”

The sub lay there, obedient but nervous.  Despite the mild hypnosis he was still very aware of his surroundings and was nervous as to what she had in store for him.

The Pros (and Cons) of Munches

As someone who has often previously been an advocate on the whole “come to munches” thing, and of course run a munch (which you should totally come to) there’s a lot where my mind has changed a little bit over time.

I mean, I have thought that “come to a munch” has sometimes been a bit trigger happy especially if, say, it’s a guy who’s being send inappropriate messages online and then moaning “but this is a sex site”. That going to a munch isn’t really in their best interests – nor – of those who he has been sexually harassing. read more

Deposits – Why they’re needed and a FAQ

For assorted reasons there’s a lot of chatter recently on deposits, why we pay them, when they’re refundable and, more.

So here is a quick guide.


And now you do. Times change.
Read on and I’m sure you’ll get some incite.


You will make initial contact with a provider via their preferred method.  You might have a date/time in mind. You might be a bit more open. You probably have a rough idea what you want to do.

When this is agreed you pay the deposit.


Different providers have different rules. Some are fixed rate, but typically it’s 50% of the session cost.
They will give you a preferred method of tribute. Usually by bank transfer, but sometimes via a gift card. read more

The Myth of ‘The Submissive is Really in Control’

One of the myths that always pops up is “the submissive is the one really in control”

Granted. The submissive has more control than credit is sometimes given for but to say they have overall control is both inaccurate and, frankly, dangerous.

For the sake of this post I am going to use Dominant as a catch all for terms such as “Top”, “Service Top”, “Sadist”, “Rigger”, etc because the logic is the same – and submissive again as a catch all covering “bottom”, “masochist”, etc. read more

Life Updates – Lack of Blogs

Not to say I’ve been slow in updating my blog recently. But, I’ve been slow at updating my blog recently.

In 2023 so far there have been 5 published blogs, this makes number 6, so around one a month. A far cry from when I was doing circa 40 a year.

So what changed, and what has been happening?

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