Category
Back to Basics
One of the most common newbie questions on forums is “What is the difference between a kink and a fetish”
Someone might do a copy/paste from a website of some definitions. Another person sees this as an opportunity to lay out the “one true definition” as a way to gatekeep everything. Intentionally or otherwise.
So, it’s true that the two have meanings, but they’ve become rather interchangeable.
As well as being interchangeable, some of their more strict definitions also ignore those who enjoy kink activities without a want of any form of sexual element.
However, this post does have a slight sexual bias.
Something that you may see talked about in some circles is the concept of a Mentor.
For example, someone might recommend someone seeks a mentor, or someone might feel they would benefit from having one and seek one out.
Like a lot of things within kink, it’s something where there’s sometimes misunderstanding of the role.
The purpose of this blog is to look at what a mentor is, what a mentor isn’t and whether you even need one in the first place.
There is rarely a bad time to make steps in booking a first session with any form of provider (while this may follow a bias of ‘Professional Dominant’ – the logic applies to anything from Pro Subs to Full Service to anything else) – however, at the point we’re at in the pandemic when things are opening back up, it might feel like a good time – particularly if you’d previously felt you’d missed out or are looking to start getting active in kink.
Punishments in BDSM often get talked about, but it’s something that’s often a little misunderstood, especially from newcomers.
Experienced subs or Dominants might talk about being punished, or punishing their subs.
If you watch BDSM clips, or read descriptions, there are some common tropes which come up.
Often that the sub is being punished. This can be for something like being untidy, not cleaning up properly. It could be for something seemingly minor, say, not using capital protocol. Forgetting “Good night” or “Good morning” messages, whatever.
I’m going to be really technical today and discuss risk.
Risk is something important in many parts of life. Every day we take risks, but, there’s a lot of things we’re programmed to mitigate this.
For example – every time we cross the road there is a risk, but our entire lives we’ve had the green cross code drilled into our heads.
So, when a road is busy we look for a crossing.
If one isn’t available perhaps we cross in groups.
Lest of all we stop look and listen.
Profile Pitfalls
I’m not sure if this is one for a ‘Back to Basics’ article – or – an opinion piece in it’s own right. Maybe a bit of both.
Anyway, I was on a website the other day and there was a guy hoping to find a Mistress* and was seeking advice on improving his profile to make him more appealing.
(*mind, this blog is going to be a bit more than F/m D/s)
Like many things, I feel there’s no correct solution. There are, however, lots of things that are wrong or disadvantage you.
A logical next chapter in my ‘Back to Basics’ series is around consent and arranging play.
The assumption of your position is that perhaps you’ve got talking with someone who would also like to play with you sometime.
Examples could include :
– chatting online
– discussing at a munch
– at an event and the topic comes up
– approaching a professional about booking a session
It may be you have had some opportunity to try certain things informally. For example at a workshop, or slapping a flogger on your hand or something. It might not.
The other day, I had a bit of a realisation. A lot of the beginners/newbies information was pretty much in abundance when I joined the kink scene, but is slowly getting lost amongst the noise.
So. I’m starting a series of ‘Back to Basics’ blog posts which are largely aimed at newcomers.
In the coming weeks and months I’ll be covering assorted topics to add to the resource pool.
As always.
I’m writing based on my own experiences and largely weighted on my own opinions.
One of my opinions is to consider multiple sources for your information.
Now, also, there isn’t really one right way to do anything, but certainly lots of wrong ways.
My first topic…
Munches.