The other day I put up a tweet inviting topic requests for blogs.
Punishing Times suggested
“Your experiences with CP and tips for what works, what doesn’t?”
This is my experience in CP.
First off, for any novices – CP is Corporal Punishment, which is traditionally being hit with an implement – bare hands, paddles, floggers, straps, caning, as a punishment.
Some may argue some of my points are about Impact Play, rather than a punishment – and that’s fine – I’m not going to deny that if you consider there to be a difference then there is, but the lines do blur a bit.
I am going to also talk about my experiences both sides of the slash.
As Top/Dom I love CP. I suppose that’s important as I am a Maths Teacher at the School of Corrections. (It’s a CP Role-Play Event up here) so giving a good caning or flogging to wayward pupils is good fun.
And of course, I very much enjoy giving a good beating to my wife, although, we’re traditionally a bit more lighthearted – I’m not beating through punishment (although occasionally she brats for my attention) but “because I can” and it’s often lighthearted fun.
As bottom/sub – it’s an activity I can enjoy in the right set up and with the right person. I feel I can push myself more with someone I have more connection with (not to be confused with ‘trust’ – that’s also very important. But, I wouldn’t be letting you tie me up/down and beat me if I didn’t trust you.)Certainly when struggling it’s easier to continue when you feel driven to want to please Mistress, rather than wondering why you are doing this!
The majority of my discussion below will be from the right of the slash, although, I will discuss some tips and pointers I learnt from the left of the slash further down.
Prior to January 2016, all my play was done with friends in clubs. Well. There are a couple of exceptions, mostly slave auctions. But still public play in clubs.
When I think about it, I probably didn’t play as often as I thought – but certainly I enjoyed it, but it was certainly play and it was usually lighthearted.
January 2016 was the first time I booked a session with a professional Mistress and, by the same token, was the first time I’d been involved in more private play.
When W/we had been swapping emails, She asked about my experience and I conferred with a friend I’d played with who said of those She played with, my threshold was probably around a 7/8 out of 10.
So, I communicated this to help gauge levels.
I have considered on and off telling the story of my first time, so I’ll spare too many details – but something I learned quite quickly is that things can be very different in private than in a club.
It is far more intimate, the lack of noise from others playing can reduce the size of the world to just the two of Y/you and that’s amazing.
Communication can also be easier, there feels less shame in asking to go steady or change toy (not that I needed to, but, sometimes knowing it’s an option helps feel at ease)
Likewise, it was also a bit scary, the first time – no Dungeon Monitors to step in and an unfamiliar set up. Previously when I’d played with people I’d not previously met, I had trust in the event/premises due to being regular – so this was out of my comfort zone a bit.
Incidentally, W/we did 2 rounds of CP. One at the start of the session and one near the end. The first round was effectively the “warm up” and it felt a lot more like the pinnacle of where I was used to playing.
So, the second round really did push me. I remember at one point, on the bench, just thinking “Alright, that’s enough – I’m done, it’s been a wonderful evening but this is me, I’m finished” and was probably just about to safeword when I felt Mistress check up on me. Being able to sense and feel She had my well being in mind was enough to flick a switch and drive me to want to continue for Her, kind of like a thank You for the amazing things W/we had done that evening.
So, there was a lot I learned from that. Better communication allows to take more risks with pushing levels, the intimacy of private vs public and that you can push yourself to take more if you feel a click with someone.
Not long after that, February 2016, there was a Court Role Play event of which I was on trial.
Sentenced to 25 hard cane, 25 birch and 20 bastinado. I remember counting on my fingers that this was a lot and scared a bit.
Now, the Court style event was a bit different. In general club play, people may watch – but it can be quite passive. We’ve discussed the intimacy and privacy of private play. Well, at a court style event, your punishment is a focal point.
Everyone stops and watches – so… yeah. That does add to the punishment nature.
The Mistress delivering the punishment is someone I trust, which helps, it was Her who suggested the 7/8 out of 10 above. But, it was a bit intimidating.
We did a couple of strokes to test my levels and there was laughter as I suggested “You can go a bit harder”.
So, the nerves evaporated for the caning. The birch I was a bit unsure about, until the strike… more laughter as I let out an “Ooo”.
It wasn’t what I expected. It was hard, sure, but quite a springy sensation.
Around a month later (don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you every single CP story!) I played with a friend in a club who I’d wanted to play with for quite a while. She has done work as Professional Dominatrix and I believe is fairly well respected although I don’t think She really does it any more. It was this day W/we initially set my caning record. 54 that day (it’s presently 72.) which seems an odd number but it makes sense when you consider test shots, counted shots and picking canes to use again.
6 canes, a test shot of each. 6 strokes of each and then 6 strokes of 2 picked to use again.
Using a mixture of canes was quite interesting and it had a slight purpose. I’m fond thinking back to this day as it reminds me of a kinky wine tasting – so each test shot I would describe the sensation – and I don’t just mean “stingy, thuddy, heavy, light” but some had quite a hollow feel, or some had a bit of an after glow to them.
Although W/we were using the dungeon in the regular club, there’d been a wax demo on in another room so W/we pretty much had the dungeon to ourselves which did have a mix of the intimacy, although in a very familiar set up.
A next chapter I’ll tell you in my CP story is July 2016. It was a filming day for Merciless Dominas and I was paired with Chloe Lovette for a CP scene.
Now. I sometimes feel weird talking about this because it sounds more negative than I intend. Retrospectively I’m very proud, but, I made mistakes I would prefer not to repeat. I don’t blame anyone (especially not Chloe who is lovely) but lessons were learnt.
So, W/we had gone round the room and picked toys to use. About to start the scene and the director introduces a Carriage Whip and asks if W/we would like to use it. I think my general vibe was one of wanting to be versatile but also genuinely wanting to give anything a go, but, I didn’t realise how savage it would be from cold.
He’d also requested for this scene that communication was down to a minimum so W/we agreed hand signals rather than safety phrases.
We started and, ow. It was savage, horrible from cold. At the time I thought “I cannot do this” and then thought “I can’t safeword on two strokes” and so continued to take it for 7 minutes(!) before giving the signal to change toy.
Retrospectively – I now have the knowledge that what I should have done was stopped the scene, got the whip taken out, then started again as a fresh scene – but at the time I lacked that knowledge and hindsight is all well and good. I also learned time is weird, I only know it was 7 minutes because I’ve seen the clip – and also – watching the clip did hit me a bit in the sense I can see Chloe desperately checking for me to make a signal, as She can see I’m struggling but unsure if I’m enjoying it or not!
Anyway, there’s some flogging and caning after that, I end up breaking the caning record to 65. I try to count strokes to will myself through with something to aim for.
It took 3 people to carry me off the wall after that! But, no… like I say. I learnt from that about pushing myself too much and I will summarise at the bottom some of the things I’ve learnt from that.
There’s only one more CP anecdote I’m going to tell, because only one more directly relevant (arguably two, but I told the other one in my ‘Filming with Suzanna Maxwell’ blog) and that’s the story of the 72. My caning record.
It’s actually held on a joint from a double Domme with Nikki Whiplash and Chloe Lovette.
But, how the Hell we got there. I don’t know.
I almost feel this should have it’s own blog post, we’ve had it all – feeling like the plane was crashing in Southampton and grabbing someone who wasn’t my wife – missing a bus because I’d thought I’d missed it and went looking for a taxi, getting stuck in Winchester… and that’s before we even get on a road with no phone signal trying to find the premises!
It’s one of the closest I’ve come to actually crying during play. Three times I’ve been pretty close and it’s not usually the pain that rides me to tears, but the feeling I’ve fucked up or let somebody down.
We decide we’re going for the caning record. I have a really, really, thorough warm up, mixture of barehands, straps and paddles – and are going for 72.
I’m struggling. On 16.
Nothing was physically wrong with me, I hadn’t played, at the time, for 6 weeks or so. I just. I just cannot do it. Each count and “thank You, Mistress” seems to be taking longer and longer as I just struggle. I don’t want to stop as that would be letting everyone down. I don’t want to ask for leniency, because that would be cheating.
Feeling you are letting someone down can be horrible.
A slight half way compromise was suggested, so after the 24th we switched from individual strokes to doing 12 in quick succession. It was very hard to take, but did make the numbers fly over.
I think at the end there was a mixture of joy and relief.
Still. The rest of the session was a lot more fun 🙂
Now. I’ve obviously done CP on other occasions, but I chose those stories to tie in with some learning and tips. Which were requested as part of the post and based on my experiences.
I also appreciate I talk a lot about caning and there’s a lot more different methods of punishment and beatings. Some of my below points are tied with direct anecdotes.
I feel bad I’ve not mentioned some of my favourite play, or some interesting ideas – but – we could be here all day!
Many of these points are applicable either side of the slash, so, something you should look out for as a sub is something you should look out for in a sub – something you should look out for in a Dominant is something you should look out for as a Dominant.
So. In no particular order.
(1) It’s easier/safer to go in too light and progress to heavier, than go in too heavy and back pedal.
(2) Likewise, it’s easier to undersell than oversell yourself. We’ve all heard a story of a guy who bigs up Judicial punishment and safewords on 2 strokes.
(3) But if you do genuinely need to safeword, then do…!
(4) Club Play, Private Sessions, Filming, CP Events… are all different experiences. You can be experienced with one and find another is very different. See above anecdotes. Filming is generally a lot more intense.
(5) Communication is key. If circumstances prevent safewords or “go steady” (or, on the flip “Are you OK?”) agreeing another way to communicate is good.
(6) Some people play without safewords and that’s great, but only play without them if you trust the other person enough
(7) Do not let anyone outside your scene change or interfere with your scene without consent of all involved. (Unless it’s a CNC set up)
(8) Sometimes we have off days, where it’s possible that we cannot take levels we usually can.
(9) There is a lot of variance between toys. Every cane is not the same, every flogger is not the same, every paddle is not the same, so forth. As well as being in the usage, there are different sensations, weights, textures. So, don’t assume that because you can take a lot with one item, you can with another.
(10) Learn the areas of the body which should not be hit. Then so you don’t hit them if you’re on the left and so don’t get hit in them if you’re on the right. This includes, but is not limited to, force to the spine, kidneys, face
(11) Oh, and communicate any injuries you are carrying or health problems you have.
(12) Most implements are fairly easy to use once you’ve an idea on usage, but, you can never practice too much and it’s still worth learning how to get the most out of an item you are using.
(13) Aftercare. And this can go both ways, Dom-Drop is a thing as is sub-drop. Finding your own comfort routine, sugary drinks are good, chocolate, etc. anything that can give you comfort – but also making sure each other are OK. And that’s mentally, as well as patching up any wounds.
Now. At this point. You might be thinking that a lot of this isn’t really “punishment” it’s play under the guise of punishment.
And, I do tend to agree.
You could argue that the majority of my experience is not really punishment at all, but anything from role play to impact play.
Granted. I have been punished for actual mistakes I’ve made, but still in the boundaries of play.
There is an extra layer to all of this and that is for those of which it’s a more stricter lifestyle. So. I don’t pretend to be an expert in that – but from my other knowledge there are observations and things I feel I can comment on.
Many of my above points are just as applicable.
So, your dynamic may be one whereby you are in a lifestyle 24/7 BDSM relationship whereby you punish/correct your partner (or are punished by) for misdemeanours from being in late, not cooking or doing house work to a deemed satisfactory level or whatever rules you have set.
I think done effectively this type of relationship can be amazing, but there are so many risks attached and very, very important to make sure what you are doing is BDSM and does not become or is not in fact abuse.
I feel… it’s important in this instance to keep discussion regular to make sure you are both/all definitely happy with the arrangement you’ve agreed.
Or, rather, if you’re not happy with the situation then there always has to be an out.
I don’t pretend to be an expert, but, perhaps that’s also a good thing. Having things written only by the best, could be less relatable for those who are learning. Hopefully this will be helpful to those who are exploring or keen to get into more.