Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster


Opinion Pieces

Are we friends, colleagues, or clients?

It’s been a topic in my mind in the past, and it came up in a little group chat the other day.

Friends and friendships.  Particularly within kink and/or the industry.

Particular frustrations, to paraphrase, “I thought we were friends, but we don’t talk any more and she no longer replies to me; was I just a customer”
I mean. Possibly. And it can be hard. If you thought the nature of your relationship was different to how the other person saw it.

But friendships in general are very complex.

Myths about Male Submissives

If you google “myths about submission” the vast majority of results that come back are bias towards submissive women.

And this is valid, and a lot of points are completely transferable, but – all too often I see myths that a lot of submissive men feel about themselves, or feel they have to live up to, or that they face.

Clip Site Incentives Would Be Nicer without Hoop Jumping

We’re a week into the clips4sale “120%” commission incentive… it’s LoyalFans 100% day… ManyVids launches another contest… and iWantClips are probably doing something.

And these incentives, tags, themes, initiaves, games, well…

Of course. It’s always nice to get extra in pay-packets. But wouldn’t it be even nicer if there was proper uplift without hoop jumping?

There’s a lot I get, and a lot of pros and cons of some of these.

All About Traffic

First off, what the sites want is you promoting them. You giving them traffic. You turning them into a brand people trust.
But the most precious thing you can give them is still… content. read more

The Pros (and Cons) of Munches

As someone who has often previously been an advocate on the whole “come to munches” thing, and of course run a munch (which you should totally come to) there’s a lot where my mind has changed a little bit over time.

I mean, I have thought that “come to a munch” has sometimes been a bit trigger happy especially if, say, it’s a guy who’s being send inappropriate messages online and then moaning “but this is a sex site”. That going to a munch isn’t really in their best interests – nor – of those who he has been sexually harassing. read more

Deposits – Why they’re needed and a FAQ

For assorted reasons there’s a lot of chatter recently on deposits, why we pay them, when they’re refundable and, more.

So here is a quick guide.


And now you do. Times change.
Read on and I’m sure you’ll get some incite.


You will make initial contact with a provider via their preferred method.  You might have a date/time in mind. You might be a bit more open. You probably have a rough idea what you want to do.

When this is agreed you pay the deposit.


Different providers have different rules. Some are fixed rate, but typically it’s 50% of the session cost.
They will give you a preferred method of tribute. Usually by bank transfer, but sometimes via a gift card. read more

The Myth of ‘The Submissive is Really in Control’

One of the myths that always pops up is “the submissive is the one really in control”

Granted. The submissive has more control than credit is sometimes given for but to say they have overall control is both inaccurate and, frankly, dangerous.

For the sake of this post I am going to use Dominant as a catch all for terms such as “Top”, “Service Top”, “Sadist”, “Rigger”, etc because the logic is the same – and submissive again as a catch all covering “bottom”, “masochist”, etc. read more

Are ‘filming tributes’ fair?

A somewhat hot topic recently has been around ‘filming tributes’ and how right or fair they are.

Often the fee/payment to see a Pro-Domme or engage in some form of online (or other play) is known as the ‘tribute’.  With many also doing filming to some degree, in many cases the subs are contributing a ‘film tribute’.  The guys are paying to be there. To star in a video which is going to make the Domme money.

Many people do not feel this is fair.

Here is my insight.


Sometimes, for whatever reason, clips do not sell.

Even some of the most successful producers and creators have had some that did not shift (or did, but massively underperformed).

It’s not a sign of failure, or that the clips were bad (because someone would have to have bought the clip to think it was bad!) but there could be many factors.

Twitter Concerns : You’d Be Foolish to not look at alternatives

When the news first broke of Elon Musk’s planned takeover of Twitter I had concerns.

My concerns were simple.  A lot of change can be bad.  Tumblr had always been quite happy with adult content, and then following a takeover – it was quickly banned.

But also, this is a person who gave no reassurances to the adult industry (or pretty much any other industry!) that they would have nothing to worry about.
Instead, a lot of talk around reinstating “free speech”.

I can understand the want for optimism.  But, I’ve felt a lot of concerns have been waived away, and I don’t want things to end in panic if the platform is suddenly lost.

Are you a vampire sub?

I’d been talking to a friend the other day.  She has been dating and looking for a kinky partner.   Although she is a switch, though it is not important to her that a partner would satisfy this.

She recently met a guy she really liked. Turned out he was into sissy play, which was not a dealbreaker for her.   But they didn’t last very long.

The problem was that she found him exhausting.  That meetings and interactions with him left her feeling drained and tired.  That, of course, she was very happy to help him explore sissy play, but largely that’s all that conversations were.

What is a Simp? And is it a bad thing?

One term that gets bandied about a lot recently is ‘Simp’.
It’s one of those where the original meaning has been claimed into a fetish and also thrown around as an insult by those who’ve lost the meaning.

So, let’s dive.

What is a Simp?

How to Build a Sex Room : Review

I just finished ‘How to Build a Sex Room’ on Netflix and this is my review.

First off. Any form of positive representation of kink or sex is a good thing.
And most of it was a positive representation.

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