eyemblacksheep

Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

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Opinion Pieces

Surprising things that get you shadowbanned

As often, there’s been continuous talk on the shadowban and assorted theories on how to beat it or avoid it.

This doesn’t help that it seems a fair few sex workers, and others from the adult industry, awoke on Friday morning asking to verify their Twitter account with a phone number.

While on one hand, this seems like another purge/attack on the industry. It is more likely to be a sweep aimed at picking up those who are suspected of being bots.

“Why is it hard to find a Domme?” – and other things not to say.

There’s an alarming regularity that someone will write on a forum something like “Why is it hard to find a Domme?”, “Where are all the Dommes?”, “My fetish is a bit niche so it’s hard to find someone…”

To a degree. I get it. Your copy paste message didn’t yield a response. That one person you were talking to stopped replying. You attended 3 munches or one club and didn’t get any play.
And, you’re disappointed because you feel you put effort in and got nothing back.

So, then… you make the post “Why is it so haaaaaaard….?” and that doesn’t actually help your case, and I’m going to explain why.

Knowing/Setting Your Financial Boundaries

Knowing/Setting Your Financial Boundaries.

This is not (just) about Findom.

There’s a lot within fetish and BDSM, particularly when you’re new, or meet somebody new, there can be a temptation to “spend now, worry about it later”

This could be because you want to make a good impression. Or it could be that you would rather do something NOW and pay it off than wait in the hope you can afford the time later. Fearing you will miss opportunities.

This is something that is largely a joint responsibility, but largely that on the sub.

Unless you have an arrangement, expecting your Dominant to be responsible for your spending/finances is extra labour on them.  Ultimately, they can’t do anything about it if you’re not sure and crystal honest yourself.

And, also, unless you’re exclusive to one person – then nobody can babysit your finances for you.

Here’s some tips to follow

A weekend in July : 3 film days and some clubbing

After a busy May, June needed to be a little quieter. But, things for July seemed to slot neatly.

This blog covers the weekend of 4th-6th July – some further antics will be in future blogs.

I’ve already written a blog about a visit to Club DVS, although the plan for the weekend was to go down and do a little filming and go to the club, it turned into a little more.

Sexual Health in BDSM – Look After Yourself

Often a lot of my blogs work for one audience ahead of another – but this is generally one for everyone who is likely to read.

Sexual Health.

I know many of you probably already get routinely checked and take practices seriously.

But, if you don’t – I don’t wish to be preachy but encouraging.

For me.
I knew it was something I really kinda should do – but, just, well, didn’t.

It was actually during a very busy period where the conversation came back up and I felt I really should look into getting checked – and, also as it happens, during this period I did suffer (what turned out to be) damage to the tip of my penis which of course made me know – I HAVE to get things checked out. read more

Mental Health in BDSM : Helping Yourself and Others

I recently had a thought about mental health – and a kind of, how well do we communicate our needs within fetish and BDSM.

I realised that this was something myself I could do better, but I was interested about a wider base.

Most Dominants have a section about health needs on their contact forms, or encourage info of health considerations to be volunteered.

Your first email is part of the vetting process

I know there are many different “how to contact a Dominant” type blogs – although, still many people who clearly could learn more.
I have, at times, seen people feel this doesn’t apply to them or is pretentious or whatever bollocks – but, there is part of this I’m going to explain.

While it may seem obvious to consider “first impressions” – there is a little more to it than that. It’s also a form of vetting.

I’m going to explain this simple and to the point.

Just get a slave to do it

“Why don’t you just get a slave to do it?”
I think this is going to be my most simple, and to the point, posts.
There seems to be a rise recently whereby a Mistress or Dominant will post about doing a perceived mundane every day task – cooking, cleaning, taking out the rubbish… and some numpty will utter the immortal words… “why don’t you get a slave to do it?”

Being Good Enough

One of the things you may know I’ve struggled with in the past of the feeling of “being good enough”. Because there’s always someone prettier, richer, can take more, more popular, has better contacts, has a specialist ability, so on.

Now. You don’t need to be “the best” to exceed the minimum standards. That’s something important.

Bonding far from perfect? Yeah, but so is our own industry.

Although this blog post isn’t about the TV show ‘Bonding’ it is partially inspired by it.

If you’re unfamiliar with the show – it’s a Netflix show regarding a young Dominatrix recruiting her high-school friend as an assistant.
It’s 7 short episodes – around 15 minutes each – and has created a little bit debate regarding a few factors.

Obviously, I’m in full support that some are unhappy that the main character has an in-character account on Twitter, with a blue tick; when actual Dominants and sex workers find themselves shadow-banned.
It also fails to showcase some of the external factors against the industry (example SESTA/FOSTA or the threat of the Nordic Model in the UK) – and she seems to walk around with little consequences. read more

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