Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

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Opinion Pieces

10 Positive Things We can All do in 2021

We’re not very far into 2021.  2020 didn’t really go the way any of us envisioned and, I think, there is a good possibility of things to look forward to in 2021.

I don’t know how the situation will be in different countries, but, for the UK I would expect that after the priority groups are vaccinated that we will start to see restrictions eased.

Granted, some things might become more practical later rather than sooner.  For example it might be that bars and venues can reopen, but if there’s things like social distancing and group limits or whatever it makes some things less viable.

2020 in Review – All that was. And all that wasn’t.

2020 in Review – All that was. And all that wasn’t.

I’ve decided end of year reviews are always going to be weird.

This one… it’s been a year, hasn’t it?

Before I continue with this post, there is something important I want to raise.   I’d be surprised if many of us have really made the progress we wanted to this year.

My Partner Said No to My Fetish – How Do I Change Her Mind?

A couple of messages (some of specific scenarios, some generally being a form of FAQ) has led me to start a new Agony Aunt category.

Consider that my advice is based solely on my experience.

I want to start with an extremely common question I’ve heard/answered which I’ve paraphrased below.

“I have told my wife/girlfriend/partner about my fetish/fantasy.   Unfortunately, they have said no – they won’t do/try this with me.  How can I get them to do this for/with me?”

Opening A Clip Store – Platforms Compared

More and more people are looking into opening their own clip store, or are considering the benefits of being on multiple.

It’s very easy to get carried away and a lot of pros and cons I want to look at in this guide.

Firstly.  Having a clip store at all.

Pros.
  • Revenue source (via clip sales)
  • Good passive income (clips that are listed always have a potential to sell and make money)
  • A way to promote yourself or brand (people see you, your name, etc. more and become more aware of you)
Cons.
  • Depending on what resources you have there are set up costs (recording equipment, lights, editing software/computer, the actual costs of making the clips.)
  • The time (planning, losing a day to making clips, then having to edit/upload/etc. while also keeping on top of rule changes or fighting piracy)
  • It’s a risk (the cost to make the clips exists, but there’s never any certainty they’ll do well)
  • Once it’s on the web, it’s on the web (if you decide to later leave the industry, pulling everything down can be a losing battle)

Now it might be at this point, for whatever reason, you decide not to proceed in opening a clip store.  Some people love filming. Some find it lacks the rhythm of a session.

But, if you continue – then I recommend opening a clip store on just one platform.  But if you are on one platform already and are looking at branching out and opening a clip store on others.read more

Covid and Kink : 6 Months On

Despite my headline, it’s been 7 months since a lockdown was first announced and we’ve been living with one restriction or another.

Even the most optimistic amongst us should also be braced that this is likely to continue for the next 6 months*. With some time for things to return to “normal” even after that.

(*the reality being that we’re going to need to see how we get through the winter – and that if the current vaccine trials prove successful – there’s still time required to roll out, to assess the efficiency and what the take-up is even like)read more

Ownership : Being one sub of many

Ownership : Being one sub of many

It’s not massively uncommon to see a Dominant have/own multiple subs.

There’s lots of different structures this can occur in and is neither exclusive to the “Professional” or “Lifestyle” side of things.

It may, but not necessarily, be polyamorous but is certainly a form of non-monogamy.

This is something that is a new idea to many people and certainly not without it’s challenges.

Being part of a set up like this has it’s advantages and disadvantages (just like anything anywhere, really) but it’s certainly something to think about if this is ‘for you’ and some of the perils you might run into.read more

“Wanna Make Content” – the rise of the fake male performer

“Wanna Make Content” – the rise of the fake male performer

There’s been a little bit of a worrying trend lately.
I’m not so much talking about the rise of young ladies on OnlyFans.  The rise of sock/picture/custom/sellers or even the rise of scammers.

(Though, scammers are annoying – and the others are complicated but the current economic situation isn’t helping)

Nope.
Every now and then on a casting group, or classified group or simply replying to these young women.

Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?

Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that a lot of people who are, or think they are, submissive often get confused on what this entails.

That, not everyone on the “right of the slash” is actually submissive.

I’m not saying that that is any kind of bad thing.

But there’s a world of difference, for example, between someone who is a submissive and someone who is a masochist.

But, either are valid.

CLOSE TO HOME

Within myself I’ve obviously had my own questions over the years on as of if I’m actually submissive.read more

Beware the Carrot and the Stick

The image of a carrot and a stick comes from the old cartoons.

Someone is sitting on a donkey, dangling a carrot in front of its nose by a stick.

This causes the donkey to move forwards, chasing the carrot it cannot reasonably reach.  A joke that it’s too dumb to realise it’s being exploited for it’s labour.

The thing is, of course.  This could continue infinitum until the labour is no longer required (carrot removed) or until the donkey collapses with exhaustion.

It’s important to avoid being the donkey here and also, well, also not to try this with people. Voluntarily or otherwise.read more

Ownership : In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?

Ownership :  In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?

Whilst working out the next logical place to go with this mini series; a comment on the context of the relationship raised a very important point.

“It’s would be helpful to have context about the relationship type.
e.g. with love-based lifestylers, you DON’T “seek ‘ownership'” and you don’t have ‘sessions’ (free or otherwise): You seek a relationship with all that entails & communicate accordingly.”

That is something I feel is very important.

It’s also a mistake that a lot of subs make which I feel is worthy of it’s own blog.

Filming isn’t a shortcut to kink

I want you to imagine these scenarios

In these conversations Person A is someone making enquiries, and Person B is a Producer of a non-specific TV serial.

If you don’t ask you don’t get (and the entitlement it can breed)

An important ‘motivational’ quote is “If you don’t ask, you don’t get”.
This is also varied with, “If you don’t ask the answer is always no” – or – if you’re from my part of the UK either “Shy bairns get nowt” or “Shy bairns get no sweets”.

Now. There are two angles I can go for here.

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