Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

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Opinion Pieces

Covid and Kink : 6 Months On

Despite my headline, it’s been 7 months since a lockdown was first announced and we’ve been living with one restriction or another.

Even the most optimistic amongst us should also be braced that this is likely to continue for the next 6 months*. With some time for things to return to “normal” even after that.

(*the reality being that we’re going to need to see how we get through the winter – and that if the current vaccine trials prove successful – there’s still time required to roll out, to assess the efficiency and what the take-up is even like) read more

Ownership : Being one sub of many

Ownership : Being one sub of many

It’s not massively uncommon to see a Dominant have/own multiple subs.

There’s lots of different structures this can occur in and is neither exclusive to the “Professional” or “Lifestyle” side of things.

It may, but not necessarily, be polyamorous but is certainly a form of non-monogamy.

This is something that is a new idea to many people and certainly not without it’s challenges.

Being part of a set up like this has it’s advantages and disadvantages (just like anything anywhere, really) but it’s certainly something to think about if this is ‘for you’ and some of the perils you might run into. read more

“Wanna Make Content” – the rise of the fake male performer

“Wanna Make Content” – the rise of the fake male performer

There’s been a little bit of a worrying trend lately.
I’m not so much talking about the rise of young ladies on OnlyFans.  The rise of sock/picture/custom/sellers or even the rise of scammers.

(Though, scammers are annoying – and the others are complicated but the current economic situation isn’t helping)

Nope.
Every now and then on a casting group, or classified group or simply replying to these young women.

Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?

Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that a lot of people who are, or think they are, submissive often get confused on what this entails.

That, not everyone on the “right of the slash” is actually submissive.

I’m not saying that that is any kind of bad thing.

But there’s a world of difference, for example, between someone who is a submissive and someone who is a masochist.

But, either are valid.

CLOSE TO HOME

Within myself I’ve obviously had my own questions over the years on as of if I’m actually submissive. read more

Beware the Carrot and the Stick

The image of a carrot and a stick comes from the old cartoons.

Someone is sitting on a donkey, dangling a carrot in front of its nose by a stick.

This causes the donkey to move forwards, chasing the carrot it cannot reasonably reach.  A joke that it’s too dumb to realise it’s being exploited for it’s labour.

The thing is, of course.  This could continue infinitum until the labour is no longer required (carrot removed) or until the donkey collapses with exhaustion.

It’s important to avoid being the donkey here and also, well, also not to try this with people. Voluntarily or otherwise. read more

Ownership :  In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?

Ownership :  In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?

Whilst working out the next logical place to go with this mini series; a comment on the context of the relationship raised a very important point.

“It’s would be helpful to have context about the relationship type.
e.g. with love-based lifestylers, you DON’T “seek ‘ownership'” and you don’t have ‘sessions’ (free or otherwise): You seek a relationship with all that entails & communicate accordingly.”

That is something I feel is very important.

It’s also a mistake that a lot of subs make which I feel is worthy of it’s own blog.

Filming isn’t a shortcut to kink

I want you to imagine these scenarios

In these conversations Person A is someone making enquiries, and Person B is a Producer of a non-specific TV serial.

If you don’t ask you don’t get (and the entitlement it can breed)

An important ‘motivational’ quote is “If you don’t ask, you don’t get”.
This is also varied with, “If you don’t ask the answer is always no” – or – if you’re from my part of the UK either “Shy bairns get nowt” or “Shy bairns get no sweets”.

Now. There are two angles I can go for here.

Moving Platforms – Don’t Make it More Difficult Than Needed

Every now and then people gain concerns about one platform or another for whatever reason.  Many are currently considering leaving OnlyFans.

Whether it is about their liquidity, the ability to pay the performers their sales.

Or that there’s such a hop scotch of Terms of Use they may fall foul and be kicked off the platform.

They might even be knowingly breaking the rules – whether it’s by trying to sidestep banned words (ie p0ppers) and you’re not permitted to advertise meets on OnlyFans (and, technically if you offer sessions at all you’d be at risk of falling foul)

But it often comes back that migrating platforms is so much work, they may not have the time.  The mere thought is exhausting. Or worries that fans will follow them.

10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make

I started writing a post on ownership.  It got long.  Too long.

So I wanted to break off little parts of it into mini-blogs to be referenced when the main course comes.

This episode is called “10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make” – although it’s not exhaustive.

So You Want to be a Film Slave (2020 Version)

Obviously this is a kinda follow-on from my very popular, ‘So you want to be a film slave’ blog which I also feel is also essential to read.

Certainly a lot of points I will have missed is because they are in there.

From the top.  I’m again getting a sharp rise in folk asking about “getting in” to filming.
I’m not sure if they’ve looked at what is happening in the wider society and think some of this doesn’t apply to or affect the adult industry.  *But it does*

I believe that the lockdown and restrictions has had people either rue missed opportunities (there’s a lesson in there!) or perhaps felt this is where their biggest chance of getting kink going “when things resume” is.

Why does everyone have OnlyFans all of a sudden?

It’s probably not unnoticed that there are a rise in people signing up to create their own page on a platform like OnlyFans (or AdmireMe, AVN Stars, so on)

Along with this comes the rise in people bitching about people signing up for them.
Whether there’s a hint of fairness (“not so long ago you posted something against this”) or not (“so now everyone is a model?”) or a hint of entitlement and manipulation (“So people won’t do this unless they’re paid, huh? What happened to doing it for fun?”)

There’s a lot of thoughts this churns up within me – I’d like to share. Especially for anyone new to this or chewing sour grapes.

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