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bdsm blog
NOTE : this is an old blog – the voting links are no longer relevant and have been removed.
So. April sees the first UK Fetish Awards and I’m pleased to say I’m nominated for 2 different awards.
– Best Fetish Blog –
– Best Fetish Producer –
Now – clicky the links and you can vote for me (and you can vote once per day) but I’m gonna talk a little bit more here.
There’s something important that easy to forget about the industry and lifestyle in general. Sex work is a luxury.
Access to it is a luxury; not a right.
Your needs in life are food, water, shelter.
Even if you move up the hierarchy of needs; sex, kinks and fetishes are not on there.
This is a blog I think a number of conversations and more has led me to write; but it’s arguably controversial.
“Does she really like me, or is it purely financial?”
Oh. OK.
I suppose a counter argument could be from a Dominant, “Does the sub really like me or the fantasy of me? The fetishes? So on”
To me
The real questions you should be asking are:
Am I enjoying myself?
Am I happy with how things are going?
Re-reading my 2018 review I couldn’t help but get a sense of de ja vous.
Initially, I’d tried and failed to write a 2019 write-up I was happy with.
That, as I’m sure most people will know, I find it important to be open, honest and authentic.
Presenting “everything is wonderful” ignores some of the bad times and struggles and sometimes glosses over emotions.
It’s been a while since I last did the ‘Mistress Profile’ series – and so, about time it came back. There are three I’ve already got ready and hopefully more to follow.
First off, I’m going to start with someone I had the pleasure of finally meeting earlier this year and we’ve since met up a couple of times for filming and wrestling.
Nina Hiss.
As often, there’s been continuous talk on the shadowban and assorted theories on how to beat it or avoid it.
This doesn’t help that it seems a fair few sex workers, and others from the adult industry, awoke on Friday morning asking to verify their Twitter account with a phone number.
While on one hand, this seems like another purge/attack on the industry. It is more likely to be a sweep aimed at picking up those who are suspected of being bots.
There’s an alarming regularity that someone will write on a forum something like “Why is it hard to find a Domme?”, “Where are all the Dommes?”, “My fetish is a bit niche so it’s hard to find someone…”
To a degree. I get it. Your copy paste message didn’t yield a response. That one person you were talking to stopped replying. You attended 3 munches or one club and didn’t get any play.
And, you’re disappointed because you feel you put effort in and got nothing back.
So, then… you make the post “Why is it so haaaaaaard….?” and that doesn’t actually help your case, and I’m going to explain why.
Knowing/Setting Your Financial Boundaries.
This is not (just) about Findom.
There’s a lot within fetish and BDSM, particularly when you’re new, or meet somebody new, there can be a temptation to “spend now, worry about it later”
This could be because you want to make a good impression. Or it could be that you would rather do something NOW and pay it off than wait in the hope you can afford the time later. Fearing you will miss opportunities.
This is something that is largely a joint responsibility, but largely that on the sub.
Unless you have an arrangement, expecting your Dominant to be responsible for your spending/finances is extra labour on them. Ultimately, they can’t do anything about it if you’re not sure and crystal honest yourself.
And, also, unless you’re exclusive to one person – then nobody can babysit your finances for you.
Here’s some tips to follow
After a busy May, June needed to be a little quieter. But, things for July seemed to slot neatly.
This blog covers the weekend of 4th-6th July – some further antics will be in future blogs.
I’ve already written a blog about a visit to Club DVS, although the plan for the weekend was to go down and do a little filming and go to the club, it turned into a little more.
So, it’s here. My own Femdom clipstore.
Who’d have thought it?
When I first started filming 3 years ago it was a little bit “Wouldn’t this be fun to do sometime”. Things have come a little way since then.
Of course the idea of my own store drifted in and out, but it wasn’t one I really felt I’d ever do.
One of the things you may know I’ve struggled with in the past of the feeling of “being good enough”. Because there’s always someone prettier, richer, can take more, more popular, has better contacts, has a specialist ability, so on.
Now. You don’t need to be “the best” to exceed the minimum standards. That’s something important.
Although this blog post isn’t about the TV show ‘Bonding’ it is partially inspired by it.
If you’re unfamiliar with the show – it’s a Netflix show regarding a young Dominatrix recruiting her high-school friend as an assistant.
It’s 7 short episodes – around 15 minutes each – and has created a little bit debate regarding a few factors.
Obviously, I’m in full support that some are unhappy that the main character has an in-character account on Twitter, with a blue tick; when actual Dominants and sex workers find themselves shadow-banned.
It also fails to showcase some of the external factors against the industry (example SESTA/FOSTA or the threat of the Nordic Model in the UK) – and she seems to walk around with little consequences.