One of the things you may know I’ve struggled with in the past of the feeling of “being good enough”. Because there’s always someone prettier, richer, can take more, more popular, has better contacts, has a specialist ability, so on.
Now. You don’t need to be “the best” to exceed the minimum standards. That’s something important.
But, there are things always to consider.
You’re not a right match to everyone
There’s a quote in a book I read recently (‘The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down’ by Haemin Sunim) “…if I were James Taylor and someone was looking for Pavarotti then naturally I wouldn’t be chosen… this doesn’t mean I lack musical talent. It means only that I am not the right match”
This is something important for us all. However good we may or may not be – sub, Dom, everyone – our skills, abilities, personality, dedication, likes, dislikes, attitude, wants… etc. there’ll always be those we are not the right match for.
There may be those that we can film well with, or connect with well in session, or have lovely play – but still fall short in other areas to be a good match.
Know where you can improve
I feel what is important is knowing what you can improve and what you can’t.
So, we can learn skills to be more useful. We can do things to make us more desirable. We can learn how to be better suited to others needs.
Importantly, we can learn how to demonstrate we are suitable.
There are areas where we might not be good enough, but we can take it upon ourselves to become good enough. We can improve where we fall short if it’s an area we want to improve in that is important to what we can’t.
The mind can be cruel.
The problem though. The mind can be cruel.
If we are in any form of low mood or negative spiral we might feel like we’re not good enough and look for “evidence” to back that up.
I went for a long period of time where I wasn’t getting the film opportunities I once was.
I’d been taking interactions (or lack of) that looked a “bit cold” (ahh, the joy of no tone in written word) as a suggestion something was wrong and I’d upset people or they’d had enough of me.
The usual half-a-story social media often gives led me to a “fear of missing out” and a little bit of “why isn’t that me?” and it’s a really shitty place to be because it disregards a lot of the good people have done for you.
And that’s not a great place to be. Because it can come over bitter or entitled.
Changing the mood
So, it’s about changing the mood, breaking the cycle, and instead looking for evidence that supports you are good enough.
So in the past few weeks for me examples could be nice things people have said. That at least a couple of people have gone through my Twitter history to either catch-up or because they’ve liked something I’ve said and want to see more. How happy people have been to see me – and assorted other bits and pieces.
It’s interesting, of course. That there are probably those of us reading who’ve felt “not good enough” who probably have a whole bunch of stuff has happened which proves we are.
While, Christ, I wish some of us had the confidence of some of the arrogant guys who think they’re God’s gift and expect kink to drop on their lap.
Imagine if we felt as confident as they must do, combined with how good we all actually are!
You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. But, that’s OK. Some things don’t work. That’s OK.
And sometimes… not thinking you’re good ends up leading to things not working.
Of course, it’s OK to know what you can and can’t do. It’s OK to be nervous, to be thoughtful, to consider things through. It’s OK to want to try to prove yourself.
But, hey, life is hard enough without putting yourself down.
Right now, I know I am good enough. But, what that means could well be subjective. It doesn’t mean I’ll be someone’s perfect sub (though may be someone else’s) or ideal play or film partner (though may be someone else’s) so it’s a case of accepting my qualities. Just, as I hope, you accept yours.