“I’m really not an idiot,” I unconvincingly try to explain, as I continue to carelessly spill coffee all over myself.
Ms Evilyne just laughs. I’m worried I am showing Her up, but She smiles and says “It’s funny”. Phew.
Truth is, I’m genuinely giddy. It had been such a great day. Even better than I imagined it would be – it was getting to my head a bit. Or possibly a mild twinkle of endorphins running around.
So, let’s rewind. Where am I? What am I doing here? How did I get here?
I ask myself that question all the time, how did I get here? Things have moved so quickly in the past few months.
I admit, the very first time I saw Ms Evilyne on Twitter I was terrified, if you’ve seen some of Her handiwork She’s capable of some damage. Although, to people She knows can take it. But, the more I saw – and especially reading some of Her writings (many of which have helped me) I knew one day I would love the honour of serving or being of use to Her.
An option came up to apply to film with Her. I have filmed a few times, would not call myself an expert, but have a little experience with what is expected of me – and I think that helps a touch. I enjoy filming, it is not for everyone and is very different from a private session or play in clubs – but, I applied for the opportunity… and was successful.
As the day came, I got quite nervous. I did have a fortunate position of being able to research Her and I knew I trusted Her, I know She wouldn’t break me into a million little pieces if She didn’t think I could handle it. No, those weren’t my nerves, my nerves were on me, to make sure I was good enough that I didn’t let Her down.
Still, I somehow managed a good night sleep and spent the morning doing last minute checks, cleaning just in case She wanted to do anal (and if She didn’t, it’s good hygiene.) timing what time to eat and little bits like that.
I set out early and arrived in plenty of time at the train station – and the trains are running to time.
As usual, I’m fiddling with Facebook, email and Twitter, got really happy to see Ms Evilyne pop up with a message She was looking forward to meeting me which was lovely. Then seeing pictures She had tweeted with her discreet bag at the train station got me excited.
By this point, I had no idea what W/we would film. She has my interest list, my limits and my health sheet and I can trust Her to pick from that list what She would like to film. Some activities are scored based on favourites, things I also enjoy and things that don’t do much for me, but I’m happy to film.
Then She tweeted… “Who wants to see Me using My brand new Doxy and attachments to make eyemblacksheep squeal? Hands up”
Oh… oh my…. oh… eek.
And then each subsequent notification of a love, comment or retweet setting me up on edge.
I still didn’t know quite what She had in mind – but I knew it was going to be exciting.
Everything seemed to be going so well until the train ground to a halt just outside of Stevenege, the power lines had been shut off and although this train was not affected, the one in front was. Ahh… the guard seemed to have no idea what was going on, but a few Googles estimated delays of around 30 minutes. Luckily, I always plot contingency in my times. It still threw a spanner in my mind. Typically, we pulled in 26 minutes late – so no refund on the journey. Ha.
Being late (even though I wasn’t) had me a little flustered and although I had messaged Ms Evilyne to explain the situation (and She understood) I still wanted to make a good impression.
So, I abandoned my initial plans of finding a florist and headed straight to Her.
Well, I say straight… I did briefly walk up the wrong road (distracted by a Black Sheep coffee kiosk!) but, straight enough.
I got to Her premises, pushed the buzzer, waited… She opened the door… “Despite running late, you still got here early” – normally arriving early is terrible form and you shouldn’t do it, but W/we had discussed me coming and helping with the set up. Do not arrive early without pre-arrangement.
Of course, I have seen Her play space in many pics and clips, but that doesn’t stop the excitement of being there. There is always something majestic about walking into a play space and although her space is not a “traditional” dungeon set up, there’s still a buzz.
Ms Evilyne is very warm and friendly and this helps a lot with my nerves, She is welcoming and makes light conversation while I try to be useful in the preparation.
Her kindness helps settle me and makes me feel more comfortable I can do a good job for Her.
W/we discuss the first two clips and I honestly cannot believe my luck with what is picked.
As previously mentioned, I am the first to use Her new Doxy – and W/we are using it for the Edge of Orgasm game.
With a top speed of 9000rpm – will I beat the clock or will this beat me to oblivion? The results were interesting.
Times I was literally clueless whether I was coming, going, been or went…
There is certainly an excitement having your pleasure, frustration, or punishment at the simple mercy of a dial, controlled by Someone so powerful.
But, this is just the beginning. The second clip is trampling. I can only answer questions with a whimper as I am slowly crushed and ground, feeling smaller and smaller with each step. No toys, no tools, just trodden to submission – and there is a twist in this one, for the pain – there is pleasure, sweet golden champagne. An initial shock and tingle as the stream hits my throat, but this becomes an experience to savour.
After my shower I ask if She would like me to suck a mint and I confess I’m glad She says it is not necessary as it prolongs how long I can enjoy this.
I am told the next clip will be Body Worship. This is something I feel extremely privileged to be invited to do. I feel I would struggle to get into words how I felt about this, but, I feel the female body to be sacred.
One of my genuine fears is breaking someone’s consent. It would genuinely upset me if I felt I had overstepped a mark and so I feel both privileged and cautious if touching rights are granted. But this is more than touching rights, this is the right to worship.
…and… spoilers… there is a twist… and it was unplanned… and you have to buy this clip. If it’s the only clip you ever buy. She thinks on Her feet and we turn from one direction to another and the better She gets the more I feel intimidated and I think it works. Serendipity.
Before we continue, She asks if I have any ideas for clips. I have loads. I always have loads. Although at that second I just completely forget my own interests list. I didn’t think to prepare, I didn’t feel like I had wanted to seem like I was asking for anything because my purpose was to be useful to Her. Incidentally, having since checked over the list I provided Her, W/we have done most of my top interests, so this might be part the reason I struggled to think. Having realised that, I feel spoilt! I do, however, have a couple of ideas for potential sequels and a note that an idea brought and not used is better than no ideas!
I’ve included a photo in this blog from a behind the scenes moment. I’m wrapped quite tightly and securely in cling film. This leaves me quite vulnerable and helpless – and I appreciate the touch W/we restrain using a household object. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be cuffs and restraints…
This is used for two clips… first, the most intense facesitting I have ever encountered. The entrapment adds to the helplessness and is another display of power. I am vulnerable and helpless, I won’t lie, at times I’m scared. Despite knowing I am perfectly safe. I often believe there to be a double-think in BDSM. But, I trust Her and I know I am safe. But, this doesn’t stop me being fearful.
Mind. I confess.
At one point I did feel it would be a good way to go…
O/our last filming clip is nipple torture. I have very sensitive nipples. As I’m charged through other clips, they’re even more sensitive! This possibly makes for good clips, well, if you like subs wincing in agony. Small insertions are made in the film to expose my nipples, this is a focal, it reduces me down solely to the area being affected. For me, it feels like the toughest thing W/we have done today. However, – there is extra motivation to go through this. I always wanted to helpful to get the clips She wanted, but, I have reached the point where I’m more driven to push myself for Her. If that makes sense.
One thing I want to say, She is very attentive with aftercare. This is something you can’t always learn from watching clips or looking at pictures, I felt She may be knowledgeable on the importance because of things She has written and Her reputation – but it is still an assumption on my part. So despite having spent the day being trodden, crushed, degraded, smothered, feeling smaller than I could imagine and genuinely frightened at times – the end result is feeling like I’m dancing on the roof of the world.
I like BDSM to be a two-way thing. From my perspective I got to help and chat with someone I admire, I pushed myself a little bit and there were a couple of new experiences which I always enjoy. Also the pride in contributing to some hopefully great clips. Let’s be honest, you don’t watch clips for the guy, you watch them for the Mistress. So, I hope these help show Her off well. I get yet another positive experience which I enjoyed partaking in. I was happy to go through some bits I didn’t like, because She had been so good to me.
The vibe I got was that Ms Evilyne enjoyed the afternoon. I do not think some of the chosen activities would have been chosen had She not. This to me is very important. Hopefully She has some great footage which sells well and further cements Her profile as one of the best there is.
One of my least favourite things about BDSM is always the clean up. It’s also one of the most necessary, for comfort, hygiene and safety. However, I take genuine delight in assisting with the clean up. I suppose it was because I felt it was a small and immediate ‘thank You’ I could do. Contingency with train times meant I could stay and help.
This takes us back to where the story starts. There is plenty of time for my train home and I’m thrilled when Ms Evilyne accepts my offer of a coffee. W/we go to somewhere She recommends. I think a mixture of clumsiness and the whole day being overwhelming, I carelessly miss my mouth… repeatedly. I did manage all of my cake though.
I’m writing this a week later. I did have a little touch of sub-frenzy afterwards. Also, I had a little touch of sub-drop (going back to work was a crusher!). But, an email from Her when I was feeling a little low, helped immensely. The experience upon reflection is again of how proud I am to have been involved. Ms Evilyne is every bit as amazing, if not moreso, than Her reputation. Whatever happens next, the day will be etched in my memories as one of the best days and I will feel indebted for what She has done for me.
The events in this post happened in January 2017. Initially I had been going to wait until most of the clips were on sale, but after speaking recently W/we don’t know when that will be. I will pop back and update as they become available
Until then check out : Trampled : the first clip to be available