Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

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bdsm blog

10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make

I started writing a post on ownership.  It got long.  Too long.

So I wanted to break off little parts of it into mini-blogs to be referenced when the main course comes.

This episode is called “10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make” – although it’s not exhaustive.

Patterned Behaviour – Breaking the Pattern

I feel there’s a trap some people fall into – which is based on behaviour patterns.  If you are doing these things, you may be limiting yourself.

There is a kinda prejudice to this, but a logic to the prejudice.

It’s not about that you’re a “straight white male” or “older”. But, that your behaviour is following patterns that people have seen before.  We know how it ends.

Diary – filming with Amy Wynters

I’ve found over the last 12 months or so a growing number of people who’ve expressed interest in filming – but trying to sort it out is somewhat trickier than it should seem.

I’ve been plotting a few regular trips to London this year, for a mixture of music and fetish events.
So, the opportunity to go to a concert I’d wanted to see and try to arrange some filming around it seemed a good idea.

In reality, ended up with one day filming out of 3 possible days – but it was certainly a quality over quantity situation when that one day was with AMY WYNTERS.

Diary : Filming with Fetish SINema

I feel I’ve been a bit lax in doing the diary posts for some of the filming days and so wanted to get back on it.

I think part the problem was I was doing a lot of filming very bundled together in a short space of time. I’m not sure.

So. 2019 finished on a high with a filming day with Devon Breeze and Princess Organa to the extent that I walked out thinking “yeah, I can be done for the year – I’m happy with that”

It was almost 2 months later before my next filming day – which was filming with Miss Kendal for Fetish SINema.

UK Fetish Awards / I’m up for two awards

So.  April sees the first UK Fetish Awards and I’m pleased to say I’m nominated for 2 different awards.

– Best Fetish Blog –
– Best Fetish Producer –

Now – clicky the links and you can vote for me (and you can vote once per day) but I’m gonna talk a little bit more here.

Sex work is a luxury, not a right

There’s something important that easy to forget about the industry and lifestyle in general.  Sex work is a luxury.

Access to it is a luxury; not a right.

Your needs in life are food, water, shelter.

Even if you move up the hierarchy of needs; sex, kinks and fetishes are not on there.

Does my Domme really like me, or is it purely financial?

This is a blog I think a number of conversations and more has led me to write; but it’s arguably controversial.

“Does she really like me, or is it purely financial?”

Oh. OK.

I suppose a counter argument could be from a Dominant, “Does the sub really like me or the fantasy of me? The fetishes? So on”

To me
The real questions you should be asking are:
Am I enjoying myself?
Am I happy with how things are going?

2019 in review

Re-reading my 2018 review I couldn’t help but get a sense of de ja vous.

Initially, I’d tried and failed to write a 2019 write-up I was happy with.
That, as I’m sure most people will know, I find it important to be open, honest and authentic.
Presenting “everything is wonderful” ignores some of the bad times and struggles and sometimes glosses over emotions.

Mistress Profiles : Nina Hiss

It’s been a while since I last did the ‘Mistress Profile’ series – and so, about time it came back.  There are three I’ve already got ready and hopefully more to follow.

First off, I’m going to start with someone I had the pleasure of finally meeting earlier this year and we’ve since met up a couple of times for filming and wrestling.

Nina Hiss.

Surprising things that get you shadowbanned

As often, there’s been continuous talk on the shadowban and assorted theories on how to beat it or avoid it.

This doesn’t help that it seems a fair few sex workers, and others from the adult industry, awoke on Friday morning asking to verify their Twitter account with a phone number.

While on one hand, this seems like another purge/attack on the industry. It is more likely to be a sweep aimed at picking up those who are suspected of being bots.

“Why is it hard to find a Domme?” – and other things not to say.

There’s an alarming regularity that someone will write on a forum something like “Why is it hard to find a Domme?”, “Where are all the Dommes?”, “My fetish is a bit niche so it’s hard to find someone…”

To a degree. I get it. Your copy paste message didn’t yield a response. That one person you were talking to stopped replying. You attended 3 munches or one club and didn’t get any play.
And, you’re disappointed because you feel you put effort in and got nothing back.

So, then… you make the post “Why is it so haaaaaaard….?” and that doesn’t actually help your case, and I’m going to explain why.

Knowing/Setting Your Financial Boundaries

Knowing/Setting Your Financial Boundaries.

This is not (just) about Findom.

There’s a lot within fetish and BDSM, particularly when you’re new, or meet somebody new, there can be a temptation to “spend now, worry about it later”

This could be because you want to make a good impression. Or it could be that you would rather do something NOW and pay it off than wait in the hope you can afford the time later. Fearing you will miss opportunities.

This is something that is largely a joint responsibility, but largely that on the sub.

Unless you have an arrangement, expecting your Dominant to be responsible for your spending/finances is extra labour on them.  Ultimately, they can’t do anything about it if you’re not sure and crystal honest yourself.

And, also, unless you’re exclusive to one person – then nobody can babysit your finances for you.

Here’s some tips to follow

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