Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

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bdsm blog

Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave

Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave

People often want different things from their patriation in the fetish community (be participation signing up for websites or going to munches/events).

And while some people seem to have great relationships, get lots of play, so on – there are those who often struggle and get frustrated.

The purpose of this blog is to highlight some common failures and also a little ‘what you can do to increase prospects’.

Punishments in BDSM

Punishments in BDSM often get talked about, but it’s something that’s often a little misunderstood, especially from newcomers.

Experienced subs or Dominants might talk about being punished, or punishing their subs.
If you watch BDSM clips, or read descriptions, there are some common tropes which come up.

Often that the sub is being punished.  This can be for something like being untidy, not cleaning up properly.  It could be for something seemingly minor, say, not using capital protocol. Forgetting “Good night” or “Good morning” messages, whatever.read more

My Partner Said No to My Fetish – How Do I Change Her Mind?

A couple of messages (some of specific scenarios, some generally being a form of FAQ) has led me to start a new Agony Aunt category.

Consider that my advice is based solely on my experience.

I want to start with an extremely common question I’ve heard/answered which I’ve paraphrased below.

“I have told my wife/girlfriend/partner about my fetish/fantasy.   Unfortunately, they have said no – they won’t do/try this with me.  How can I get them to do this for/with me?”

Diary : A Return to filming / with Goddexx Althea

I don’t diary every filming day or private session (not that I’ve had a private session in a while… another story for another day) but I almost started to regret that with the pandemic and shut down.

So, the filming day I had with Georgie Girl back on March 16th didn’t get a diary post (sorry!) and it’s been 5 whole months without any filming.

Or seeing anyone.

Or leaving my hometown.

Fuck.

I’d put my own plans to return to filming back more than once.  Either to comply with guidance or for my own concerns/safety/responsibility.

Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?

Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that a lot of people who are, or think they are, submissive often get confused on what this entails.

That, not everyone on the “right of the slash” is actually submissive.

I’m not saying that that is any kind of bad thing.

But there’s a world of difference, for example, between someone who is a submissive and someone who is a masochist.

But, either are valid.

CLOSE TO HOME

Within myself I’ve obviously had my own questions over the years on as of if I’m actually submissive.read more

Beware the Carrot and the Stick

The image of a carrot and a stick comes from the old cartoons.

Someone is sitting on a donkey, dangling a carrot in front of its nose by a stick.

This causes the donkey to move forwards, chasing the carrot it cannot reasonably reach.  A joke that it’s too dumb to realise it’s being exploited for it’s labour.

The thing is, of course.  This could continue infinitum until the labour is no longer required (carrot removed) or until the donkey collapses with exhaustion.

It’s important to avoid being the donkey here and also, well, also not to try this with people. Voluntarily or otherwise.read more

10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make

I started writing a post on ownership.  It got long.  Too long.

So I wanted to break off little parts of it into mini-blogs to be referenced when the main course comes.

This episode is called “10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make” – although it’s not exhaustive.

Patterned Behaviour – Breaking the Pattern

I feel there’s a trap some people fall into – which is based on behaviour patterns.  If you are doing these things, you may be limiting yourself.

There is a kinda prejudice to this, but a logic to the prejudice.

It’s not about that you’re a “straight white male” or “older”. But, that your behaviour is following patterns that people have seen before.  We know how it ends.

Diary – filming with Amy Wynters

I’ve found over the last 12 months or so a growing number of people who’ve expressed interest in filming – but trying to sort it out is somewhat trickier than it should seem.

I’ve been plotting a few regular trips to London this year, for a mixture of music and fetish events.
So, the opportunity to go to a concert I’d wanted to see and try to arrange some filming around it seemed a good idea.

In reality, ended up with one day filming out of 3 possible days – but it was certainly a quality over quantity situation when that one day was with AMY WYNTERS.

Diary : Filming with Fetish SINema

I feel I’ve been a bit lax in doing the diary posts for some of the filming days and so wanted to get back on it.

I think part the problem was I was doing a lot of filming very bundled together in a short space of time. I’m not sure.

So. 2019 finished on a high with a filming day with Devon Breeze and Princess Organa to the extent that I walked out thinking “yeah, I can be done for the year – I’m happy with that”

It was almost 2 months later before my next filming day – which was filming with Miss Kendal for Fetish SINema.

UK Fetish Awards / I’m up for two awards

So.  April sees the first UK Fetish Awards and I’m pleased to say I’m nominated for 2 different awards.

– Best Fetish Blog –
– Best Fetish Producer –

Now – clicky the links and you can vote for me (and you can vote once per day) but I’m gonna talk a little bit more here.

Sex work is a luxury, not a right

There’s something important that easy to forget about the industry and lifestyle in general.  Sex work is a luxury.

Access to it is a luxury; not a right.

Your needs in life are food, water, shelter.

Even if you move up the hierarchy of needs; sex, kinks and fetishes are not on there.

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