Whilst ideas and inspirations for new blogs are brewing, including a couple of drafts already written, I wanted to reflect on why I do this blog in the first place.
Whilst it’s certainly evolved from the early days, some of the core reasons for doing this have to go into every post, else I feel I’m doing it wrong.
Initially, I started just with ad hoc writings on Fetlife.
Usually unplanned, knee jerk, reflecting on how I either felt at the time, or in response of something happening.
In ways. These are probably some of my best. In ways.
A lot was very “new” to me. The purpose, at least initially, was an outlet of how I was feeling – shared on a suitable platform.
Then people started telling me they found the writings helpful.
Sometimes either “it’s not just me!” or helping explain something they were going through but couldn’t quite explain.
Sometimes, I would use writings to explain in detail either why I like or dislike certain things or behaviours, sometimes to save me writing the same things each time because, let’s be honest, a lot of new users dive in rather than find their way around first.
A recent blog I wrote which is only on Fetlife is called ‘Hello, Welcome to Fetlife’, which is a more thorough writing aimed in response to the (usually) guys who seem to be just after a quick shag.
Part of it is biting, part of it is a little bit “there’s a whole lot more to this” with pointers on where to get involved.
It is designed to be helpful, without repeating myself.
Because, for all I can be biting – we all were new once – and some people do like to rush in clumsily.
For me. I would say, if you are after quick/easy results – then being on Fetlife is a total waste of your time as well as everyone elses, so, “don’t bother” is in my view good advice.
When I started to drift more to Twitter, I found more people who just don’t bother with Fetlife that I felt might enjoy some of my writings. So, I made a decision to get an external blog, that anybody anywhere can view.
I think… even then it was a while before things really shape shifted. There’s a testimonial I wrote for Miss Courtney for Her website in September 2016, but the first diary posts… well… the first one I wrote was actually about Ms Evilyne, but it didn’t get published for a while. The first written and published was a filming day with Miss Suzanna.
The idea from all of those actually came from Ms Evilyne, who in one of Her blogs had mentioned that writing a review or testimonial is something subs could do to be helpful.
So, these were all people I had had great experiences with, so, by a very small token of thanks, this made a lot of sense to me.
Just as a side note, Mistresses were sent these blogs for approval first. To date, nobody has asked me to change anything, bar one point I was corrected on (I named a toy incorrectly).
Of course, even the most detailed of these don’t go into everything…
But, the diary posts became hugely popular.
I have tracking stats on my blogs, so it tells me when people have clicked through to the Mistress’ website/twitter/clipstore and so, I saw this as being a form of low key publicity.
At least a couple of Mistresses I know have used my blogs as promos in “what to expect” – so, I saw this under “helping others”.
Granted, I don’t kid myself. Any gains they get is probably small change, these are all people succesful without me. But, contributing is helpful.
I’m a music promoter in another life. Someone. Anyone. Writing a post about why you should go to my gig or club is good, even if it only results in one or two ticket sales.
I know some of you like to keep up with my adventures, which I do appreciate.
Sometimes I get a little bit uncomfortable in a status thing.
I don’t actually want status. In so many other areas of life where I’ve fought for recognition or status, the kink scene is one where I want to detach from that.
And you can say…
“You don’t want status, but you…
…run a munch
…DJ at a fetish event
…run around doing all this filming
…keep this blog”
The munch, Sunderland, has been running around 10 years and it’s then organisers were leaving the country.
They wanted to do it as a handover, rather than a free scramble for the first ones to shout ‘baggsy’
They asked people to put themselves forward. We were regulars with experience in event organisation, this is why we were selected.
One of the people for example who put in for it had never *actually* been to the munch.
There are a lot of other good, suitable, people, but they didn’t or couldn’t take on the commitment of a midweek munch in Sunderland.
I do indeed DJ at a fetish event. I’ve 15 years experience DJing. The event needed someone reliable they could trust to assist. They needed someone who would play for the crowd and not their own ego.
Yes, I film. Mistresses need reliable filming slaves…
And this blog, initially kept to reflect on what I was experiencing and going through.
I found this was helpful to others.
I now want to try to give stuff back to people, to help others.
To help provide a resource people can dip into when they want without having to seek out munches they might not want to go, or can’t get to.
But, it’s true.
I have had doubts about this blog and my own status, rep, etc.
I have said on Twitter a few times, as I smash another follower milestone, that while I was initially unsure about having so many followers (1050 and counting!) the more followers, the more people who see the things I retweet or post about women I like 😉
But, I do sometimes get uncomfortable, which I think it’s why it’s important overall to want to stay helpful and humble. Yes, I am passionate, but one piece of advice I would give anyone is never to get all your advice from one source. Because my answers and experiences don’t fit your own journeys. But, hopefully can help enrich it.
There have been a couple of people who have encouraged me at times.
In a session I once said I’d scrapped a load of blogs as I sometimes felt a bit like the Patrick Stewart meme (no one listens to you unless you’re a white man)
“But, they don’t listen to us,” the Mistress said, which made me sad. I love Her writings and She has been so helpful and an inspiration. “So, we need more guys like you to help say this stuff”
Another Mistress once said, “It’s nice to see blogs from a male perspective. A lot of women keep good blogs, but it’s good for guys to talk about how they feel”
Sometimes, I don’t think I talk enough in my own feelings. Icreate these little brainwebs in my mind, asking myself if I’m doing things right. What I could do better. So forth.
I think it’s getting a balance between what you should talk about publicly and what you should talk through with your Mistress.
So. Some things I can’t go into properly. Although, maybe I’ll figure out how to eventually. If it is of benefit to others.
I have set myself an unofficial goal this year to blog weekly.
A mixture of diary posts, opinion pieces, Mistress features, possibly even ancedotes when appropriate.
I’m planning a lot at the minute, but sometimes it’s best to be off the cuff.
We will see.
I am open for requests. Is there a topic you’d like to see me cover? Remember, I’ll be restricted to my own knowledge and experiences. I can’t write “how to do knife play safely” because I’ve never done knife play. I’m not experienced in knife play.
Equally, are there types of blogs you’d like to see more of from me?
Leave me comments or contact privately 🙂