Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

Tag

bdsm lifestyle

Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave

Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave

People often want different things from their patriation in the fetish community (be participation signing up for websites or going to munches/events).

And while some people seem to have great relationships, get lots of play, so on – there are those who often struggle and get frustrated.

The purpose of this blog is to highlight some common failures and also a little ‘what you can do to increase prospects’.

My Partner Said No to My Fetish – How Do I Change Her Mind?

A couple of messages (some of specific scenarios, some generally being a form of FAQ) has led me to start a new Agony Aunt category.

Consider that my advice is based solely on my experience.

I want to start with an extremely common question I’ve heard/answered which I’ve paraphrased below.

“I have told my wife/girlfriend/partner about my fetish/fantasy.   Unfortunately, they have said no – they won’t do/try this with me.  How can I get them to do this for/with me?”

Ownership : In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?

Ownership :  In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?

Whilst working out the next logical place to go with this mini series; a comment on the context of the relationship raised a very important point.

“It’s would be helpful to have context about the relationship type.
e.g. with love-based lifestylers, you DON’T “seek ‘ownership'” and you don’t have ‘sessions’ (free or otherwise): You seek a relationship with all that entails & communicate accordingly.”

That is something I feel is very important.

It’s also a mistake that a lot of subs make which I feel is worthy of it’s own blog.

Covid19 and kink : submission and Domination without meeting

Covid19 and Kink

There’s probably a whole raft of blogs I could write on covid19. Not that I’m a particular expert, I’m not saying that, but on how it’s going to affect us in kink.

Some clubs and events went before the government asked venues to close. The rest obviously have had their hands forced.

While there may very well be some trying to host mini parties, filming events, sessions or meet – currently the advice is, well, not to.

So, unless you live with your Dominant/submissive/play-partner your ability to serve/interact/indulge in kink is likely to be somewhat limited.

And we’ve only just started.

2019 in review

Re-reading my 2018 review I couldn’t help but get a sense of de ja vous.

Initially, I’d tried and failed to write a 2019 write-up I was happy with.
That, as I’m sure most people will know, I find it important to be open, honest and authentic.
Presenting “everything is wonderful” ignores some of the bad times and struggles and sometimes glosses over emotions.

I’ll do anything

“I’ll do anything”, “Whatever Mistress/Sir wants”

These sound like good tidbits.

It’s like there’s been some thought put into the lack of thought.

“If I let people know I’m up for anything that it widens my chances”

It also, potentially, widens your chances of not getting what you want.

It also makes you look desperate.

It also makes you more “work” as someone will have to coax out of you what you ACTUALLY want to do.

Do guys who bitch about Findom lack self awareness?

I was reading yet-another bitching-about-Findom thread the other day.

It’s kinda sobering the lack of self awareness some of these guys have.

It has happened, but it’s very rare I get cold contacted by a Findom – and – I’ll usually be polite unless she fails to take the, well, hint, that handing over money to someone random is most certainly not my kink.

Back to Basics : Consent & Negotiating Play

A logical next chapter in my ‘Back to Basics’ series is around consent and arranging play.

The assumption of your position is that perhaps you’ve got talking with someone who would also like to play with you sometime.

Examples could include :
– chatting online
– discussing at a munch
– at an event and the topic comes up
– approaching a professional about booking a session

It may be you have had some opportunity to try certain things informally. For example at a workshop, or slapping a flogger on your hand or something. It might not. read more

Consent : A Survey

As you may have seen, this week off the cuff I decided to create a survey about consent and abuse of.

A link to the survey is here.

I wanted to use this blog in order to.
– Clarify what I want from the survey
– Go through Data Protection
– Apologise for some shortfalls.

A more personal take on getting out what you put in

Having scrapped my planned blog for this week (honestly, it needed nuking – my good points in there will be mopped up on a future blog.) I had an inspiration for some writing earlier – and this is probably going to be one of the more personal blogs I’ve written in a while.
It’s not quite as personal as I first thought but, certainly, a slice of my thoughts right now.
To work properly, this is going to be one take – so apologies if there’s a few more errors than normal.
I don’t confess this often, but it should be no secret.
I really love the kink/fetish/BDSM scene.

Back to Basics : Munches

The other day, I had a bit of a realisation. A lot of the beginners/newbies information was pretty much in abundance when I joined the kink scene, but is slowly getting lost amongst the noise.

So. I’m starting a series of ‘Back to Basics’ blog posts which are largely aimed at newcomers.

In the coming weeks and months I’ll be covering assorted topics to add to the resource pool.

As always.
I’m writing based on my own experiences and largely weighted on my own opinions.

One of my opinions is to consider multiple sources for your information.

Now, also, there isn’t really one right way to do anything, but certainly lots of wrong ways.

My first topic…
Munches.

2017 Retrospective : Lessons Learned.

My first 2017 retrospective I wrote, I wasn’t very happy with.

While it did focus on some highs – and lows – of this year : there’s things it didn’t quite capture.

This HAS been a very good year for me – and that goes beyond dispute.

It has also had lots of challenges, frustrations and lows.

So. I’m instead going to write a lessons of 2017 – for myself to learn from and, possibly there’s something in there would benefit others.

© 2021 eyemblacksheep — Powered by WordPress

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑