Tag
bdsm lifestyle
As someone who has often previously been an advocate on the whole “come to munches” thing, and of course run a munch (which you should totally come to) there’s a lot where my mind has changed a little bit over time.
I mean, I have thought that “come to a munch” has sometimes been a bit trigger happy especially if, say, it’s a guy who’s being send inappropriate messages online and then moaning “but this is a sex site”. That going to a munch isn’t really in their best interests – nor – of those who he has been sexually harassing.
I’d been talking to a friend the other day. She has been dating and looking for a kinky partner. Although she is a switch, though it is not important to her that a partner would satisfy this.
She recently met a guy she really liked. Turned out he was into sissy play, which was not a dealbreaker for her. But they didn’t last very long.
The problem was that she found him exhausting. That meetings and interactions with him left her feeling drained and tired. That, of course, she was very happy to help him explore sissy play, but largely that’s all that conversations were.
For the longest time I was ashamed of my foot fetish.
I mean, it seems difficult. Something you can’t really control. But, for the longest time I struggled with it.
Now, well, there’s pictures and videos of me with a foot in my face and a pathetic grin – but there’s a reason for that grin. And, that’s partially acceptance.
There is rarely a bad time to make steps in booking a first session with any form of provider (while this may follow a bias of ‘Professional Dominant’ – the logic applies to anything from Pro Subs to Full Service to anything else) – however, at the point we’re at in the pandemic when things are opening back up, it might feel like a good time – particularly if you’d previously felt you’d missed out or are looking to start getting active in kink.
Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave
People often want different things from their patriation in the fetish community (be participation signing up for websites or going to munches/events).
And while some people seem to have great relationships, get lots of play, so on – there are those who often struggle and get frustrated.
The purpose of this blog is to highlight some common failures and also a little ‘what you can do to increase prospects’.
A couple of messages (some of specific scenarios, some generally being a form of FAQ) has led me to start a new Agony Aunt category.
Consider that my advice is based solely on my experience.
I want to start with an extremely common question I’ve heard/answered which I’ve paraphrased below.
“I have told my wife/girlfriend/partner about my fetish/fantasy. Unfortunately, they have said no – they won’t do/try this with me. How can I get them to do this for/with me?”
Ownership : In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?
Whilst working out the next logical place to go with this mini series; a comment on the context of the relationship raised a very important point.
“It’s would be helpful to have context about the relationship type.
e.g. with love-based lifestylers, you DON’T “seek ‘ownership'” and you don’t have ‘sessions’ (free or otherwise): You seek a relationship with all that entails & communicate accordingly.”
That is something I feel is very important.
It’s also a mistake that a lot of subs make which I feel is worthy of it’s own blog.
Covid19 and Kink
There’s probably a whole raft of blogs I could write on covid19. Not that I’m a particular expert, I’m not saying that, but on how it’s going to affect us in kink.
Some clubs and events went before the government asked venues to close. The rest obviously have had their hands forced.
While there may very well be some trying to host mini parties, filming events, sessions or meet – currently the advice is, well, not to.
So, unless you live with your Dominant/submissive/play-partner your ability to serve/interact/indulge in kink is likely to be somewhat limited.
And we’ve only just started.
Re-reading my 2018 review I couldn’t help but get a sense of de ja vous.
Initially, I’d tried and failed to write a 2019 write-up I was happy with.
That, as I’m sure most people will know, I find it important to be open, honest and authentic.
Presenting “everything is wonderful” ignores some of the bad times and struggles and sometimes glosses over emotions.
“I’ll do anything”, “Whatever Mistress/Sir wants”
These sound like good tidbits.
It’s like there’s been some thought put into the lack of thought.
“If I let people know I’m up for anything that it widens my chances”
It also, potentially, widens your chances of not getting what you want.
It also makes you look desperate.
It also makes you more “work” as someone will have to coax out of you what you ACTUALLY want to do.
I was reading yet-another bitching-about-Findom thread the other day.
It’s kinda sobering the lack of self awareness some of these guys have.
It has happened, but it’s very rare I get cold contacted by a Findom – and – I’ll usually be polite unless she fails to take the, well, hint, that handing over money to someone random is most certainly not my kink.
A logical next chapter in my ‘Back to Basics’ series is around consent and arranging play.
The assumption of your position is that perhaps you’ve got talking with someone who would also like to play with you sometime.
Examples could include :
– chatting online
– discussing at a munch
– at an event and the topic comes up
– approaching a professional about booking a session
It may be you have had some opportunity to try certain things informally. For example at a workshop, or slapping a flogger on your hand or something. It might not.