Tag
bdsm lifestyle
Ownership : In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?
Whilst working out the next logical place to go with this mini series; a comment on the context of the relationship raised a very important point.
“It’s would be helpful to have context about the relationship type.
e.g. with love-based lifestylers, you DON’T “seek ‘ownership'” and you don’t have ‘sessions’ (free or otherwise): You seek a relationship with all that entails & communicate accordingly.”
That is something I feel is very important.
It’s also a mistake that a lot of subs make which I feel is worthy of it’s own blog.
Covid19 and Kink
There’s probably a whole raft of blogs I could write on covid19. Not that I’m a particular expert, I’m not saying that, but on how it’s going to affect us in kink.
Some clubs and events went before the government asked venues to close. The rest obviously have had their hands forced.
While there may very well be some trying to host mini parties, filming events, sessions or meet – currently the advice is, well, not to.
So, unless you live with your Dominant/submissive/play-partner your ability to serve/interact/indulge in kink is likely to be somewhat limited.
And we’ve only just started.
Re-reading my 2018 review I couldn’t help but get a sense of de ja vous.
Initially, I’d tried and failed to write a 2019 write-up I was happy with.
That, as I’m sure most people will know, I find it important to be open, honest and authentic.
Presenting “everything is wonderful” ignores some of the bad times and struggles and sometimes glosses over emotions.
“I’ll do anything”, “Whatever Mistress/Sir wants”
These sound like good tidbits.
It’s like there’s been some thought put into the lack of thought.
“If I let people know I’m up for anything that it widens my chances”
It also, potentially, widens your chances of not getting what you want.
It also makes you look desperate.
It also makes you more “work” as someone will have to coax out of you what you ACTUALLY want to do.
I was reading yet-another bitching-about-Findom thread the other day.
It’s kinda sobering the lack of self awareness some of these guys have.
It has happened, but it’s very rare I get cold contacted by a Findom – and – I’ll usually be polite unless she fails to take the, well, hint, that handing over money to someone random is most certainly not my kink.
A logical next chapter in my ‘Back to Basics’ series is around consent and arranging play.
The assumption of your position is that perhaps you’ve got talking with someone who would also like to play with you sometime.
Examples could include :
– chatting online
– discussing at a munch
– at an event and the topic comes up
– approaching a professional about booking a session
It may be you have had some opportunity to try certain things informally. For example at a workshop, or slapping a flogger on your hand or something. It might not.
As you may have seen, this week off the cuff I decided to create a survey about consent and abuse of.
I wanted to use this blog in order to.
– Clarify what I want from the survey
– Go through Data Protection
– Apologise for some shortfalls.
The other day, I had a bit of a realisation. A lot of the beginners/newbies information was pretty much in abundance when I joined the kink scene, but is slowly getting lost amongst the noise.
So. I’m starting a series of ‘Back to Basics’ blog posts which are largely aimed at newcomers.
In the coming weeks and months I’ll be covering assorted topics to add to the resource pool.
As always.
I’m writing based on my own experiences and largely weighted on my own opinions.
One of my opinions is to consider multiple sources for your information.
Now, also, there isn’t really one right way to do anything, but certainly lots of wrong ways.
My first topic…
Munches.
My first 2017 retrospective I wrote, I wasn’t very happy with.
While it did focus on some highs – and lows – of this year : there’s things it didn’t quite capture.
This HAS been a very good year for me – and that goes beyond dispute.
It has also had lots of challenges, frustrations and lows.
So. I’m instead going to write a lessons of 2017 – for myself to learn from and, possibly there’s something in there would benefit others.
I think there’s sometimes a polar in “sub” guys who get it wrong.
Be it:
1) I’ll do anything, I have no limits
or
2) I want to serve you by doing all my fetishes and fantasies.
On the surface, one guy is too open and the other is too closed.
I recently started my ‘Mistress Profile’ style blogs and with it being fairly popular and well read I took it as an indication to do a few more.
It is slightly limited to those I’ve actually met, but, I have met many wonderful Women.
Next up I would like to write some nice things about Mistress Suzanna Maxwell.