Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

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Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave

Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave

People often want different things from their patriation in the fetish community (be participation signing up for websites or going to munches/events).

And while some people seem to have great relationships, get lots of play, so on – there are those who often struggle and get frustrated.

The purpose of this blog is to highlight some common failures and also a little ‘what you can do to increase prospects’.

Punishments in BDSM

Punishments in BDSM often get talked about, but it’s something that’s often a little misunderstood, especially from newcomers.

Experienced subs or Dominants might talk about being punished, or punishing their subs.
If you watch BDSM clips, or read descriptions, there are some common tropes which come up.

Often that the sub is being punished.  This can be for something like being untidy, not cleaning up properly.  It could be for something seemingly minor, say, not using capital protocol. Forgetting “Good night” or “Good morning” messages, whatever. read more

Ownership : In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?

Ownership :  In a BDSM “Lifestyle” Relationship?

Whilst working out the next logical place to go with this mini series; a comment on the context of the relationship raised a very important point.

“It’s would be helpful to have context about the relationship type.
e.g. with love-based lifestylers, you DON’T “seek ‘ownership'” and you don’t have ‘sessions’ (free or otherwise): You seek a relationship with all that entails & communicate accordingly.”

That is something I feel is very important.

It’s also a mistake that a lot of subs make which I feel is worthy of it’s own blog.

Patterned Behaviour – Breaking the Pattern

I feel there’s a trap some people fall into – which is based on behaviour patterns.  If you are doing these things, you may be limiting yourself.

There is a kinda prejudice to this, but a logic to the prejudice.

It’s not about that you’re a “straight white male” or “older”. But, that your behaviour is following patterns that people have seen before.  We know how it ends.

Diary – filming with Amy Wynters

I’ve found over the last 12 months or so a growing number of people who’ve expressed interest in filming – but trying to sort it out is somewhat trickier than it should seem.

I’ve been plotting a few regular trips to London this year, for a mixture of music and fetish events.
So, the opportunity to go to a concert I’d wanted to see and try to arrange some filming around it seemed a good idea.

In reality, ended up with one day filming out of 3 possible days – but it was certainly a quality over quantity situation when that one day was with AMY WYNTERS.

Mistress Profiles : Nina Hiss

It’s been a while since I last did the ‘Mistress Profile’ series – and so, about time it came back.  There are three I’ve already got ready and hopefully more to follow.

First off, I’m going to start with someone I had the pleasure of finally meeting earlier this year and we’ve since met up a couple of times for filming and wrestling.

Nina Hiss.

“Why is it hard to find a Domme?” – and other things not to say.

There’s an alarming regularity that someone will write on a forum something like “Why is it hard to find a Domme?”, “Where are all the Dommes?”, “My fetish is a bit niche so it’s hard to find someone…”

To a degree. I get it. Your copy paste message didn’t yield a response. That one person you were talking to stopped replying. You attended 3 munches or one club and didn’t get any play.
And, you’re disappointed because you feel you put effort in and got nothing back.

So, then… you make the post “Why is it so haaaaaaard….?” and that doesn’t actually help your case, and I’m going to explain why.

Knowing/Setting Your Financial Boundaries

Knowing/Setting Your Financial Boundaries.

This is not (just) about Findom.

There’s a lot within fetish and BDSM, particularly when you’re new, or meet somebody new, there can be a temptation to “spend now, worry about it later”

This could be because you want to make a good impression. Or it could be that you would rather do something NOW and pay it off than wait in the hope you can afford the time later. Fearing you will miss opportunities.

This is something that is largely a joint responsibility, but largely that on the sub.

Unless you have an arrangement, expecting your Dominant to be responsible for your spending/finances is extra labour on them.  Ultimately, they can’t do anything about it if you’re not sure and crystal honest yourself.

And, also, unless you’re exclusive to one person – then nobody can babysit your finances for you.

Here’s some tips to follow

So – I launched my own clip store

So, it’s here. My own Femdom clipstore.

Who’d have thought it?

When I first started filming 3 years ago it was a little bit “Wouldn’t this be fun to do sometime”.  Things have come a little way since then.

Of course the idea of my own store drifted in and out, but it wasn’t one I really felt I’d ever do.

Bonding far from perfect? Yeah, but so is our own industry.

Although this blog post isn’t about the TV show ‘Bonding’ it is partially inspired by it.

If you’re unfamiliar with the show – it’s a Netflix show regarding a young Dominatrix recruiting her high-school friend as an assistant.
It’s 7 short episodes – around 15 minutes each – and has created a little bit debate regarding a few factors.

Obviously, I’m in full support that some are unhappy that the main character has an in-character account on Twitter, with a blue tick; when actual Dominants and sex workers find themselves shadow-banned.
It also fails to showcase some of the external factors against the industry (example SESTA/FOSTA or the threat of the Nordic Model in the UK) – and she seems to walk around with little consequences. read more

Diary : Filming with Nina Hiss – and a clip landmark

It wasn’t an intention to go for a landmark number of clips; but, perhaps that in itself was why doing my 200th clip was so valuable.

I’d talked on and off about doing some filming with Nina Hiss – and good fortune had meant that she was available at a time I was in London anyway for a concert.

“Lucky Slave?” – actually, yes, we’re all lucky.

Maybe there’s some stock in “lucky slave”
As some of you probably know, I despise the term “lucky slave” – usually written in a comment to a picture or clip (specifically, the 7 second trailer!)
An often common response is either…
– he’s not lucky, he booked a session and turned up
or
– he’s not lucky, he earned it.

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