A couple of messages (some of specific scenarios, some generally being a form of FAQ) has led me to start a new Agony Aunt category.
Consider that my advice is based solely on my experience.
I want to start with an extremely common question I’ve heard/answered which I’ve paraphrased below.
“I have told my wife/girlfriend/partner about my fetish/fantasy. Unfortunately, they have said no – they won’t do/try this with me. How can I get them to do this for/with me?”
Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?
One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that a lot of people who are, or think they are, submissive often get confused on what this entails.
That, not everyone on the “right of the slash” is actually submissive.
I’m not saying that that is any kind of bad thing.
But there’s a world of difference, for example, between someone who is a submissive and someone who is a masochist.
But, either are valid.
Within myself I’ve obviously had my own questions over the years on as of if I’m actually submissive.
I started writing a post on ownership. It got long. Too long.
So I wanted to break off little parts of it into mini-blogs to be referenced when the main course comes.
This episode is called “10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make” – although it’s not exhaustive.
Obviously this is a kinda follow-on from my very popular, ‘So you want to be a film slave’ blog which I also feel is also essential to read.
Certainly a lot of points I will have missed is because they are in there.
From the top. I’m again getting a sharp rise in folk asking about “getting in” to filming.
I’m not sure if they’ve looked at what is happening in the wider society and think some of this doesn’t apply to or affect the adult industry. *But it does*
I believe that the lockdown and restrictions has had people either rue missed opportunities (there’s a lesson in there!) or perhaps felt this is where their biggest chance of getting kink going “when things resume” is.
Is submission truly selfless?
Something that I had struggled with in the past was around whether or not my actions were “selfless”.
Part of this stemmed from a moment a while ago when two Ladies were discussing guys in general and as I pottered around tidying up, one said “They’re not selfless, not like this one”.
What should have been a compliment, actually led me to have a lot of thinking. I didn’t see myself as being selfless. I want to be useful so that people will keep me around.
Someone asked me on Curious Cat “What does ownership mean to you?”
I replied, of course, that this wasn’t something I could sum up in a couple of lines.
I have been working on drafts regarding ownership for a while. Previously, my own views – and then later – that of course I am now under consideration from Miss Suzanna.
So. Enjoy the ride…
A lot of people call things different things, just to make things less straight forward.
In vanilla relationships you might meet somebody, date, then get engaged, then get married.
“I’ll pre-warn you, my feet are sweaty”
This didn’t bother me. She knew it didn’t bother me. It was said to excite me.
But, in saying this before I removed Her boots… this did present a challenge.
Submission isn’t always black and white
One of the first and most important rules in submission is that ‘the rules’ are defined by your relationship and dynamic.
Sometimes the answer “is this normal?” is, “yes” and “does it matter anyway, if it works for you?”.
Of course, sometimes this can be easier if you are in a relationship and exploring, working out what does and doesn’t work for you.
There’s a lot said around gifting and tribute. Whether this is within the whole Findom “spoil me” kind of thing. Or gifts when meeting, or after meeting, or for a birthday or Christmas… or just because.
A lot of this post I’m going to explain my own mindset, but some of this may be helpful if you want to gift someone and trying to impress them.
How to Find a Mistress
I’ve seen a whole wave of newbies recently whom seem to have this question.
“I’m interested in exploring my fetishes, where can I find a Mistress?”
There’s no one-stop solution, but here’s some simple do’s and don’ts.