It wasn’t an intention to go for a landmark number of clips; but, perhaps that in itself was why doing my 200th clip was so valuable.
I’d talked on and off about doing some filming with Nina Hiss – and good fortune had meant that she was available at a time I was in London anyway for a concert.
I sat the other day and felt I hadn’t made a diary post in quite some time.
I then looked over and found there’d been just one diary style post within the last 8 months – and that was a “behind the scenes” style post.
Now. Sometimes, I do things and don’t want to diary things. That I just want things to be retained as a special memory, rather than documenting things making my kink journey some form of Truman Show.
A review of the year is fairly… it’s tricky.
See, I’ve attempted a few drafts – because I feel there’s this balance difficult to weigh up.
I could just showcase my highlights, but that doesn’t really look too much at the times I’ve struggled.
But some of the drafts where I discuss my struggles ends up overshadowing the good bits and sometimes make me seem entitled or ungrateful.
Every now and then I get a message from another guy.
The general vibe is usually
“You get to do cool things and meet nice Women, I would also like that”
Sometimes I even get “maybe you could take me with you.”
No stranger. I don’t know you from shit, taking you with me would be a form of vouching and I can’t vouch for you because I don’t know you and any bad behaviour will reflect on me.
This is a slightly rare blog post in the sense that… I don’t actually appear very much.
I spent most of the week behind a camera, often trying to keep a straight camera and straight face for a few days that were a lot of fun.
Someone asked me on Curious Cat “What does ownership mean to you?”
I replied, of course, that this wasn’t something I could sum up in a couple of lines.
I have been working on drafts regarding ownership for a while. Previously, my own views – and then later – that of course I am now under consideration from Miss Suzanna.
So. Enjoy the ride…
A lot of people call things different things, just to make things less straight forward.
In vanilla relationships you might meet somebody, date, then get engaged, then get married.
Do I deserve this?
I am going to cut straight to the chase, I struggle, at times, with ‘Impostor Syndrome’.
In saying that – sometimes when I’m struggling I do acknowledge this is the problem, that it is a known thing. But, that doesn’t, always, help.
“You actually asked for this?”
“Meet Amelia… you may give her a kiss”
So, I did – a little kiss planted down the length of the leather.
Am I even kinky?
I asked myself that today. Well. Today as of when I’m writing this blog, so in reality probably a different day.
And, I know others have had similar thought processes.
It is an extension, of course, on a previous thought of “Am I really a sub?”