Ownership : Being one sub of many

It’s not massively uncommon to see a Dominant have/own multiple subs.

There’s lots of different structures this can occur in and is neither exclusive to the “Professional” or “Lifestyle” side of things.

It may, but not necessarily, be polyamorous but is certainly a form of non-monogamy.

This is something that is a new idea to many people and certainly not without it’s challenges.

Being part of a set up like this has it’s advantages and disadvantages (just like anything anywhere, really) but it’s certainly something to think about if this is ‘for you’ and some of the perils you might run into.


One of the positives about being one-of-many is you don’t need to be everything they want/need.

Think of this like a team sport.  I’m going to make lots of football (soccer, to our US friends, but this probably works for other sports) analogies in this post.

You don’t need to be good at everything to be on the team.  Just… good enough.

And your role might not be a star player, but a regular first team player.  Or squad rotation.


Some Dominants have no desire for ‘owned’ subs at all.  Equally, particularly someone who has multiple doesn’t necessarily wish to add to them.

Even those who maybe do – most are not going to just take on anyone.

You’re still going to need to build rapport and a connection and a mutual interest.
This could be done via sessions if Pro, or via interactions, encounters, so on – the same way most relationships form.


The more relationships someone is in, the less time they have for each of them.  That should be fairly easy to understand.

How much of a problem this is can vary.  But, if you suddenly want their attention then as well as the general commitments people have – they also may have other subs as well as home/family commitments.

Trying to meet up might also need to be scheduled.  (If your Dominant is a Pro, then you likely would need to continue to pay for sessions – opportunities outside of sessions would also have other subs who may well be interested)

The question of course is what do you want versus what can be offered? Does this change dramatically if more subs are taken on?

Football reference : the bigger the squad, the less your overall playing time.


Some Dominants like to keep their subs on their toes and subs that continually impress them are the ones that continually get the opportunities.

It is important to avoid complacency.  If you try to impress someone by working hard or being generous, then stop, then you can understand why others may get a nod ahead.

However, feeling like you’re constantly competing can be exhausting.  It can also lead to problems if you’re trying to maintain spending or effort to keep up with others, whose circumstances are different, when you cannot do this.

This is something where communication becomes key – and of course, not entering into a relationship where you suspect this may happen.

I guess it’s also important to not use your circumstances to muscle-out other subs.

Football reference : if you are a decent midfielder, and there are other midfielders who are decent, you can’t play every game.


You actually don’t need to get along with the other subs, except at times when appropriate. It may be that you’re working towards a common goal (the Dominants happiness) but otherwise, relationships are independent from each other.

Obviously, if your Dominant wishes to go to an event, or film, or whatever surrounded by all/many of her subs then having a good relationship with others is a boost.

But, it may be the nature of your relationship means you never need to see or interact with other subs anyway.

Football reference : you’re all trying to win the league/cup, that doesn’t mean you have to all want to hang out after training.


I’ve written about jealousy in the past and it may well be that seeing, or being aware, of your Dominant doing things with other subs can lead you to feel jealous.

Jealousy is a caustic emotion that can eat away at you and it’s important to look at things rationally.  If you cannot bear the thought of your Dominant playing, or spending time, with someone else then a multi-sub relationship is not going to be for you.

But even if you can be warm to this idea, it’s important to be aware that jealousy may play a part.
Football reference : You’re making key passes, but another player is grabbing the headlines for scoring goals.


If your Dominant likes (say) Opera, and you don’t.  Taking them to the Opera might be a nice piece of selfless servitude, but can be expensive.  There may well be another sub who enjoys Opera who would go instead.

The same can be true for any kink activity.  If they enjoy something, you really don’t – they can do it with someone else.

That’s not to say you might not want to, or be expected to, go outside your comfort zone for your Dominant – but means they can do something where there’s mutual interest and you not miss out or feel you’re letting someone down.

Football reference : You don’t need to be a proven goal scorer if you’re a decent midfielder. You don’t have to play every position.


One thing to consider sometimes is ‘new relationship energy’.   Some Dominants try to combat this in different ways, for example when agreeing to a new submissive taking a long time to give them more trust/time/attention.

However, what you might also find is as a new submissive you are getting a lot of time, fuss and attention.  Some of this might be natural as you find out about each other and discuss aspirations and boundaries.  This might settle down as you’re bedded in.

What might then happen is that if a new sub is taken on (or even a new regular client in pro circles) that they get a lot of the same that you had when you were new.

The thing is, some of this can be the same in monogamous relationships.  When you first start dating someone and there’s the so-called Honeymoon Period, and lots of excitement – but then things level out as your relationship starts properly.

This is often a point in monogamous relationships where things fall as “not working out”, often around the 3 month mark.

So the question is are you happy with the level of interaction you are now getting? Have you let your own work drop also, or are you still putting in the effort? Is it fair to push against this new relationship, when any existing subs did not push against yours when you started?

In a good relationship, new subs should not be a threat to your position or your standing within your plans and aspirations providing you are keeping up the commitments and effort you promised.
Of course it may well be, and perhaps you should be, that you are happy they have a new relationship.  You think they’re amazing so can be glad someone else thinks they’re amazing also.

Football reference : a new player is signed and they might be getting a little extra pitch time at first, or receive extra attention warming them in in training.

Or also, that you might be really happy there’s a good new signing on the team.


In an ideal situation, every sub would get “the same” but every sub is not the same.   Whether this is wanting a long-term relationship or happy with a short-term.  Only seeing their Dominant in “Mistress mode” or also enjoying or wanting a personal side. Some are good at one activity or another. Some have more disposable income, or more free time, or another skill set. Whilst some wish to film, others do not.  Some want to attend events, others do not.  Some are happy to be part of a group, others only want one-on-one.

This can obviously create issues.  So, it’s important to appreciate the difference in opportunities depending on both what you want, what others want, and what you can contribute.
Remember the goal is the same, contributing to your Dominant, you don’t need to be “the best” you just need to be “enough”.

But this might involve some understanding that some opportunities are less suitable for you than others.  And that where there’s something where you are suitable but other subs want the opportunity also then there’s a lot for the Dominant to weigh up.


To go back to one of my first points.   Within this set up you get to be a part of your Dominants life and there are many, many perks that come with that.  This is obviously someone you think is wonderful.

The idea of living with someone and being their sub 100% is one largely of fantasy *anyway* and hey, it makes each meeting all the more special. An event in itself.

Football reference : If your team wins the league and you get a winners medal, it doesn’t matter if it wasn’t you scoring all the goals or not getting the full pitch time.  You still contributed.
You still won


Before my summary, I want to end with an old football joke.  “So we tried you on the left wing, then we played you on the left back… this week you’re left off”

Sometimes you might not get the time or position you want.  That’s understandable, it’s still working towards a common goal.

However, of course, being on the bench for too long can have a real negative affect on morale.  Are you still a valued part of the team?



– You get to be part of someone’s life you think is wonderful and all the benefits that go with that.
– There’s less pressure to be something you’re not, or compromise where you can’t.
– Communication and honesty becomes really important.
– More flexibility / less pressure if your circumstances change


– Jealousy can be a real issue
– You might not get all the time/attention/opportunities you want
– Feeling you have to ‘compete’ with others can be toxic.