There is rarely a bad time to make steps in booking a first session with any form of provider (while this may follow a bias of ‘Professional Dominant’ – the logic applies to anything from Pro Subs to Full Service to anything else) – however, at the point we’re at in the pandemic when things are opening back up, it might feel like a good time – particularly if you’d previously felt you’d missed out or are looking to start getting active in kink.
Booking a session is really easy, but can be daunting if you’ve never done it before. There’s a lot of things said on social media which can create so much confusion.
So, I want to simplify things. But also, some of this may help you get the best out of the sessions.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM THE SESSION?
Knowing what you want is a very big step to being able to make it happen. Of course, a lot of people will have different wants.
You might have a specific activity you wish to try – and so doing it with someone who enjoys the activity, and has experience in it, can be very appealing.
It might be you are curious and want to try to explore what you like and don’t like with someone who is versed at trying different things.
You might like the idea of giving up control and not knowing how time will unfold (though, communicating what is and isn’t OK to happen in this time is vital)
You might literally see someone and think “I want to spend time with you!” or even someone making a specific post – I dunno – “Come worship my feet” and you think, “Oh God, I would love to”
There’s so many possibilities here.
Now, if you genuinely don’t know… it’s probably worth having a little idea of what you might actually want to explore.
GETTING AN IDEA
Something has made you interested in this. You don’t wake up one day and say “I want to explore kink” without having any form of prompt.
It might be your prompt was misguided (Like you think Kink = Easy Sex) but there must be something…
If you can’t quite pin down. Do a little research. Go to munches and talk to people. Read forum posts to see what does/doesn’t interest you. Hell, you might find someone you want to book a session with even if you have no idea what you want – so – why not book a video call to chat with them first (the video call will likely carry a tribute).
BE REALISTIC ON BUDGET
You do need to be realistic on your budget – in the UK I would be surprised to find anyone below £100 per hour, and this may increase in bigger cities or depending on extras. Remember they have their own overheads in making this happen.
There’s no real upper limit to what people may ask for a tribute but remember that someone who has expertise, or highly sought after and so on may set a higher price/tribute – someone with a higher price/tribute doesn’t garauntee experience and so on.
BUT TRIBUTES…DEPOSITS… THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANT? HOW DO I GET A SESSION WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T WANT PAID?
FIND WHO YOU WISH TO SESSION WITH
You may already have an idea, in which case some of the first steps do not apply, but you might generally be unsure how to start.
You might have stumbled upon someone interesting but they’re on another continent, or way out of your budget, and you are sure there must be someone closer to home or closer to your budget.
Gone are the days of ads in the back of magazines and hoping for the best. Many people you may wish to book with have websites, are on social media and potentially a site like AdultWork.
You can use this to gauge if they would be someone you’d be interested in time with. Check their (rough) location for how accessible it is – and tying in with what you want from the session, checking their own interests to make sure they can do what you’d want to do and there’s nothing really important to you that is a limit.
As you should also assume a deposit is required – do you trust this person with a deposit?
MAKE CONTACT…
If there is a contact form on the website than use that – if not there is likely to be an email address or other contact instructions.
Read carefully.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve picked up over the years is make it brief but make it count – also coupled with keeping the first message under 250 words.
Keep the message respectful but there’s key information to mention.
The date you would like the session (if you are flexible give other suggestions)
A little about you and your experience
Any key things to explore
Example
“Dear XXX,
I have been reading your website and was wondering if you were available for a session? My preferred date is _____ but if that doesn’t work I can be flexible.
Ideally I would like x hours.
I have never had a session before but, would like to explore kink. Activities I would be most interested in experiencing with you are ______ I checked your website and can see you offer them – do you also offer _____ ? I couldn’t see it in your interests or limits, but it’s no problem either way.
If this works for you, I can arrange deposit – and perhaps discuss an idea I have with you?
All the best,
Me”
That’s 118 words and still leaves space for a few fetishes.
A MISCONCEPTION
“Hang on though, I’ve seen all these people – and they’re all ‘it’s what I want not what you want’ and ‘you are here for my pleasure’ and so on”
That’s right. People say that. But if you notice in the above, this was all requests and no demands.
And while there is an ask to discuss an idea, even if the idea is “I have a fantasy of this scenario…” it can still be presented respectfully.
THE WAITING GAME
Chances are the person isn’t sitting by their phone or emails waiting for requests. You might get lucky if you time right on an admin day – but, a little bit patience goes a long way.
Obviously this might get a little angsty if you mailed at short notice, it’s definitely advisable to give at least 48-72 hours notice for this reason.
It’s unlikely everything will be resolved within the first email, so also keep a half eye for your own prompt responses especially if there’s any questions or requests asked of you.
CONFIRMATION – SESSION DAY
Once it’s confirmed there’s nothing to do until the day of the session unless your circumstances change (a little note on that below)
Usually on the day a “I’m on my way” message is appreciated, sometimes required, before a certain time (10am seems a magic number)
You do not need to take a gift, but most will be appreciated especially if it’s something you’ve followed instructions for (i.e. read on website or saw on social media post)
If the ‘gift’ is an outfit you wish them to wear or a toy you wish them to use on you then a question here might be who is the gift actually for…
Personal hygiene is important.
If on arrival you are offered a shower, it’s usually an instruction to take one. Don’t be offended, journeys, hot weather, sweat through excitement.
It is worth being clear on times unless otherwise stated assume a 2 hour session beginning at 1pm means you arrive at 1pm and are leaving the premises at 3pm.
Whilst I think that’s harsh, think of anything like 10-15 mins at the start to say hello and get ready, or time at the end to unwind as bonus.
Other than that, have fun. Follow instructions. Don’t deliberately act up and hopefully you’ll come out wanting to do it all again.
CANCEL / CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCES
There’s two possible stumbling blocks towards a session.
The first is that something happens which means you can still attend, but there might be a problem. For example, you twist your ankle or pull your back or get scratched by your cat or cut your genitals shaving – I don’t know
It might be advisable to raise this just in case this massively changes something that was being planned.
The second is that you need to cancel.
Generally speaking you do not get your deposit back if you cancel. Some providers will, however, allow you to roll over to another date providing you gave notice (if they’ve already used your deposit to pay for the dungeon hire you can see the problem)
As a courtesy, some clients may pay in full if they had to cancel late, not wanting to leave the provider high and dry – this can give a very good impression, but not everyone is able to do this.
Obviously the more notice you can give that you need to cancel, the easier things are for both of you.
Going the other way, if the provider needs to cancel then there typically should be an offer to roll over the deposit to another date or return it. Again, depending on circumstances you may not wish to see them short.
Some people do not feel this is fair but in any other industry it is the same.
If you have tickets for a concert, if you cannot make it you lose the ticket money.
If the concert gets postponed or cancelled you will be offered the ability to roll over to the new date, or receive a refund.
POST-SESSION – DROP
Something you might not bargain for is drop. Without getting too precise on the science, the body releases lots of very fun endorphins which can create lots of good feelings.
Then they, err, stop.
And so after a really fun session or play you can feel quite low, or confused, and… oh… it can be difficult.
I tell you. Nobody can prepare you for this and it might take a lot of sessions for you to work out your own comfort mechanisms.
I do recommend sugary snacks, accepting this will be a thing and favourite comfort foods or TV shows help.
Yes, this doesn’t matter if you’re a manly man or who you are – you’ll have been through a lot and need to compose and recover.
POST-SESSION – FRENZY
Something that folk are even less prepared for than drop is frenzy. Especially after an early session.
But imagine the mind racing ten to the dozen about all the things you can possibly do in the future. It’s very exciting and very addictive.
And yes, there can be good times in the future, but, keep grounded and don’t make any rash choices.
POST-SESSION – REACHING OUT
In general, once a session is over, it’s over.
I don’t, however, feel it’s unreasonable to reach out just once more. Be it leaving a review on a website, or dropping an email thanking for, and reflecting on, the session.
If you are in a position and desire to book again then the ball could start rolling again… and, hopefully there’s something to build on.
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