Recently, I’ve seen a couple of comments from female Dominants who do not work Professionally. That there are men who try to “book them” as if they were a Pro.
There’s a couple of frustrations that Ladies like this understandably have which ultimately comes down to, well, poor male logic.
A lot of guys who claim to be submissive aren’t actually interested in a D/s or FLR relationship – what they’re really, ultimately, interested in is Pro-Domme sessions without paying for a Pro-Domme session.
Of course, there are some genuinely looking for a FLR. But sometimes there is a case of getting the reasoning why, whilst many get it – others do seem to want someone to mother them.
But anyway, here’s how a lot of that poor male logic works.
If a woman is not a Professional, then, she will do everything that a Professional will except without a tribute.
If you’re that dumb, then it’s why you aren’t finding what you want.
BOOKING WITH A PRO
How to book with a Professional is fairly straightforward.
I would like to enquire about the possibility of a session with you on [date] if you are available.
My interests are [interests]
What I would like is [like]
I am new/experienced to the lifestyle and think it would be wonderful to explore these ideas with you.
If you are interested and available then please let me know where to send the deposit.”
Other straightforward templates are available.
This doesn’t guarantee you a session – but sending something like the above will boost your chances. If the person you are interested in has a web form, then just fill that in and boom.
BOOKING WITH A NON-PRO
You can’t. You don’t get to just message a random person on the Internet and go “I am a sub/Dom” and expect them to open their door and have you straight round to act out your fetishes and fantasies.
SO HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Get out into the wild of munches and events. Meet people, find out who you get on with, build some trust with each other and then “Hey, wanna play sometime”
Gosh, I make this sound so easy.
But accept building trust may take a little time. Build a rapport. Build a relationship.
It’s also a two-way thing. If you want to dive into play with the first person up for it, it may set a few alarm bells about your own choice of judgement.
VANILLA RULES APPLY
That’s the simplest thing. You wouldn’t walk up to a person in a bar and go “wanna fuck?”. Even if you knew they happened to like sex.
So far, you’ve given them no reason to have sex with you.
And like vanilla world, “I’ve got a big cock” isn’t a good reason.
I’ve had a few women who’ve said sometimes they’ll get talking to a guy who has been to see a Pro and they can tell. The negotiation approach differs and becomes a little more about their wants and not what they can offer. Almost like handing over a list of fetishes and being “you’re into this, do this for me”.
Not that a pro session is just about getting wants for money.
I feel a common misconception is that Pro sessions are just, “Mistress I want these things done and want you to do this thing – here’s some money”.
It’s certainly not so black and white.
There is of course a lot of scope within this – but certainly a lot comes down to approach and whether they’ll actually enjoy going through the activities or scenarios.
EQUALLY – ‘GET TO KNOW’ PROS VIA SESSIONS
Another thing that comes up is guys who contact Pros “just after a chat” or “to get to know each other”.
If you genuinely do wish to get to know someone who works Professionally… best way is via session or paid exchanges.
Everyone knows “I just want to get to know you, Mistress” is “I want your time for free, and offering nothing and hoping if we chat enough you’ll give me a free session”
Everyone, it seems, except the dumb guys who try it…
SO HOW DO I APPROACH A NON-PRO?
The ideal is of course via munches or events, but not everyone goes to the same things. If you’ve seen someone around online whom you think is cool, or has a genuinely outstanding profile. Here’s some ideas that may help…
1) Accept you can do everything ‘right’ and not get the result you wish.
2) Nobody owes you their time.
3) Always avoid a copy-paste message, no matter how great you think it is.
4) The problem is with many guys is they will message many women in the hope one bites. This becomes quite transparent. You spend more chance if there’s a reason you’re interested in them you can back up.
5) Make your opening message brief, but make it count. Avoid slipping into fantasies and fetishes, whether you intend to or not it makes you sound like you care more about these than the person. Why did they attract you? Perhaps they had a lot of cool stuff to say online. Perhaps you stumbled on their profile and there’s a lot that ticks your boxes. Build on that! I once sent someone an opening message entirely consisting of Dr Who quotes, because they stated they were a big nerd for Dr Who. Granted, this went nowhere in the end. But it got a message exchange going. Remember “you’re pretty”, whilst good reasons are not good reasons enough. Now, remember of course even if she is potentially interested – if this is your first interaction together then time might be needed to build up trust before play. Speaking of that, don’t go in saying you want to make more friends in the area if your ambition is play or a relationship – as that’s dishonest. Also try to avoid terrible cliché’s like “let’s meet for a coffee and see how things go”.
6) Don’t become disheartened or angry if no response is received, or if the conversation ends suddenly. As frustrating as it can be – no one owes you their time.
7) And if there is a ‘no thanks’ – don’t push for a “Why not?”.
8) Don’t push or coerce into a meeting and as said above, accept that it may take time to build trust.
9) And things might be going well, but they not want to spend time with you. Or, at least, not now. But having new friends is valuable.
10) The better your attitude, the better your chances. Entitlement is unattractive.