A few months ago I wrote a blog about filming to mark a year of it (read that here), I’ll probably do a direct follow up next year to mark two years of it – but in the meantime…
It did spark a few “Oh, I’d love to get into it” kind of posts and comments. So, here’s an ‘advice’ post.
And then I didn’t.
But, I think recently : I’ve seen a few comments from guys who want to get into it – and a few comments from Mistresses about receiving terrible or unsuitable applications : I want to hope that this is both encouragement for guys who want to get into filming and I hope it increases the quality of applications Mistresses get.
I have no idea about Maledom filming so have nothing to contribute there. I’ve limited idea about female-sub filming apart from there is a demand for female subs in films but appreciate it can be a bit more daunting for women to get into it.
You rarely hear of porn that men did coming back to haunt them.
Some of my points may well be relevant beyond F/m, but that’s the only experience I can write from.
Now. Some of the advice below is *not* how I did things. Some is.
In some cases, I’d largely say while my experiences are mostly great – some things may have been better if I’d known some of this.
I also appreciate that some people who do, or want to, film are not, themselves, subs or slaves. There’s a whole bunch of people who film with a whole different bunch of backgrounds; subs, slaves, switches, bottoms, masochists, kinksters, fetishists, pets – I don’t want to put everyone into a catch-all, but I’m going to anyway. Just because you’re “not a sub” doesn’t put you above curtousy, manners, respect and the likes.
(1) Have some actual BDSM experience
I appreciate in a subs head it’s all “wouldn’t it be very hot if my first time doing activity x was on camera?”
There are a few ‘first times’ I’ve had on camera, but before the first time I filmed I’d had private sessions with a Mistress, I’d been to BDSM clubs and parties – I’d been whipped, flogged, caned, did a bit CBT and some anal play.
Although my first time taking a strap-on was on camera, I’d had some insertables up there under two weeks previous which gave me a bit more confidence I could actually take it.
The problem really is, if you’ve not done something before you might not know how you’re going to react.
It’s also more difficult for the Mistress to find your level.
Whips, Canes, Floggers – they actually hurt. Some slaves can take really high levels and barely flinch. And some toys are harsher than others. So seeing a video and being “that looks easy…” it’s not always.
So, there’s a risk a Mistress goes in too hard and you end up not having an enjoyable time or safewording early (NB : always safeword if you need to.) also it may be that She is more lenient, and this ends up with a clip which is “softer” than She desired.
So yeah, you don’t need to be an expert. But, having a rough idea what activities you enjoy, what levels you can take, etc. it helps.
It’s also a very common BDSM warning that many things that “Seem hot in your head” are not in real life. People have bad or adverse experiences. If you get into something that sounds “super hot” and you have a bad experience AND it’s on camera, this is not so great….
(2) Double check filming is definitely for you
It is different from everything else you know.
Scenes may be faster, or more intense.
It will not be a session.
It’s not intimate.
Although some Mistresses do one-on-one filming with just you, Her and a camera – in the majority of cases there’ll be some form of crew and/or other slaves. And, no, you don’t get to pick the gender of the camera person…
The Mistress may not be in full “Mistress mode” when the camera isn’t rolling.
She may even be more full-on than you are used to when it is!
There will be lots of stopping and starting, sometimes mid-scene.
There are desired clip-lengths, this may mean some play is longer than you’d like – or some ends as you were getting into it.
You’re likely doing content the Mistress wants or needs rather than what you want.
Communication can be limited, sometimes all you want to say is “Ease up a bit” and so you need other communication to keep the clip in role.
Dates and locations may be less flexible.
Once something is on the internet, it is always on the internet.
One of the perks of filming is it’s often considerably cheaper than a session, but that’s largely because it isn’t a session – if you see it as a source of cheap/free kink you are probably going to have a bad time.
If you want to do something specific, book a session.
If you want a film of a session, ask when applying for a session if it can be filmed (this may carry a surcharge, but you get a private keepsake).
Oh, and you will need to arrive with some ID – driving license, passport, or stuff and fill in a model release form. They kind of need it to be able to sell – no ID = no filming.
(3) Research Before Applying
You’ve probably got a head start if it’s a Mistress you already know or like, or a favourite studio. Both in the sense you probably already have an idea who to contact and that they may be “right” for you – and also that your interest is in a Mistress or studio and not just the “idea”.
But, if you see some form of casting call, or are browsing a Mistress’ website and see you can apply to film… do a little research into them first.
Buy some of their other clips, or at least look them over. Follow them on Twitter or friend them on Fetlife (if they accept requests of those they haven’t met)
Don’t apply to any roles “for the sake of it” – and it’s a better experience if you view this as helping someone you want to help. Helping someone who interests you.
Consider requesting a session first, or possibly booking a Skype chat.
If you presently serve a Mistress, ask Her opinions and advice (and, err… permission!) or of course if the Mistress you presently serve films, then have a conversation with Her.
If you happen to know someone who knows the Mistress or company, ask their views also.
(4) How to contact
There’s multiple things to consider. You may be talking direct to a Mistress or may be talking to a studio – so, yeah, whoever it is remember you’re talking to a Professional you are trying to impress.
There are loads and loads of “How to contact a Mistress” blogs and for the sake of keeping this post down for length I’m not going to write one here just yet (though, given many Mistresses receive rubbish messages, maybe some of it can’t be said enough)
Make sure you’ve read any instructions first. You probably don’t need to write war and peace, but a shit one-line “I’d like to be Your film slave” email isn’t going to get you far.
If there is a set form to fill in – fill it in! If there are instructions, follow them.
You need to introduce yourself, state your interests, experience (possibly levels and limits) availability. You should avoid name dropping unless references are requested and no matter how great your clip idea might be, this usually isn’t what you’re there for (share ideas if invited or at a later time – or maybe request and pay for a custom clip).
Be honest. I can’t stress this enough. When people think of “time wasters” they think of those who don’t show up, but those who lie about experience/levels/interests to get a slot are also a problem.
Those who send rubbish emails are also timewasters.
If you’re contacting a Producer, they probably have some form of “contact us” or “apply here” form on their website or store. Follow the breadcrumb trail – but the same applies above.
(5) Don’t expect to be paid
There’s less money in general floating around in porn in general. The bigger studios are likely to pay, but then the bigger studios are also going to want proven talent, which as a newcomer you are not.
If a studio is offering money to an unknown person with no following or proven experience, this must set off red flags something is amiss…
If you produce your own content there’s a scope to make money, but also all the bills to pay and promotion to do – which is a lot of work and a lot of risk if coming in from unknown.
Also being unknown, you may struggle to find people who want to work with you – I’m sure many Mistresses are familiar with would be “film makers” who are hoping for either a cheap session or a session they can attempt to recoup costs on…
(6) Don’t be dismissive of shoots with a tribute
I know this splits a lot of opinion – but…
Anyone has the right to set the terms of which you will be accepted to film. Those terms may involve a tribute. It is quite simple, that if this is a line for you that is fine – find someone else to film with. Miss X isn’t going to drop Her terms because you, an unknown, unproven, person doesn’t like them.
Even if you disagree with the concept of paying tribute to film, being careful of how you present these opinions will do you more benefit than moaning all over social media.
Someone respectful will be looked at ahead of someone disrespectful in other opportunites.
Someone who seems genuinely interested will be looked at ahead of someone who only seems to be out for what they can get for free.
There are many opportunities that do not require a tribute, however if you want to film with Miss X and Miss X requires a tribute, or for you to do a private session first, or for you to do whatever, then those are the terms you can accept or not film.
What you may find is once you’ve proven that you are good to work with, decent to be around, reliable, etc. that a tribute might not be necessary, however, this not should be assumed.
Certainly, you will find future opportunities easier once you’ve began to prove yourself.
(7) Dealing with rejection
You may receive a “Sorry, but no” or you might not, a non-response should be treat as a “Sorry, but no”
Replies aren’t always possible because, well, a simple “Thanks for your interest – but nope” ends up in an unnecessary exchange of “Why not?” etc. which wastes everyone’s time.
So assume you haven’t been accepted if you get no reply in, say, a week and look at ways to make yourself more desirable in future.
So, just look at ways to make yourself more appealing : some Mistresses will accept re-applications at a later date.
Not, that I’m saying, constantly re-apply. This is very contextual. Certainly do not send the goddamn same message every day/week.
Hell, even if you leave it a month or two – you were rejected last time, improve your communication this time.
I did once send a message and did not receive a reply for 2 months – and that reply was to accept and it was an amazing day. Guess they’re a good example of “your details will be kept on file until an appropriate opportunity arises”
(8) Dealing with acceptance
You may get a mail that opens discussion or accepts you.
Nothing has generally changed. I must admit I always get a rush of excitement when accepted, even if it’s someone I’ve filmed or met with before. I don’t think there’s any harm in saying that you are excited to film and are grateful for the opportunity – but, I dunno, don’t lay it on too thick. Unless invited to, don’t start dropping scripts and ideas. Don’t start messaging Her a “Good Morning” every day or general annoying OTT fuckery.
I would say, continue to interact at around the same rate you do now. But don’t expect increased correpsondance or mails going backwards and forwards of “what will W/we do?”
Personally, I’m never sure if a public display of excitement is a good thing or not – so I often go a little quiet, but rest assured – I would not be trawling across the country to film with You if I was not excited!
Make sure you have a plan well in place of where you’re going, what times, time booked off work, permission from your Mistress/Partner/whoever, contingency plans, where you’re going for a coffee if you are early or where the nearest florist is.
I tend not to email/contact out of the blue unless I need something answering. For example, my next filming day I don’t have the address only the rough area, so if I receive a mail with this info, then great, if not I’ll maybe mail a day or two in advance to “check in”. This willalso confirm where I’m going and what time.
(9) Film Day – What to Expect & Etiquette
I’ve another blog post to share with you which pretty much bridges my point 8 and 9 – it’s about arriving to session with a Mistress and was written by Ms Evilyne – although this is about a session and filming is not a session, you’ll go a long way applying the same logic – the post is here
I’ve found no two days are the same.
If you’ve ever had a private session before, don’t expect that. There’ll be a lot of stopping and starting, equipment to move, sometimes pausing midscene for a new angle to be set up.
There is a risk of some slippage to the time and in multi-slave days expect a lot of waiting around.
Turn up on time (not early. not late.). On multi-slave days some will already have a relationship with the Mistress(es) and some may not. Remain polite, help others who need it as they will help you. You are not expected to watch every or any scene (sometimes it’s not possible) but you can learn from watching. Unless otherwise agreed you should also leave at the discussed time. Remember the overall aim of the day is to get content that the Mistress/producer wants.
Make sure you follow any instructions. If you were expecting to do Anal play make sure you are clean! Arrive generally clean and hygenic. Make an effort.
Don’t forget your ID!
Don’t get pissy if things aren’t going as you want, or you don’t do a scene you wanted to, or if you think something is “unfair”. Granted, don’t let people forget about you if you’re not getting scenes.
If you do well, there’ll be other opportunities.
Filming days are often positive and upbeat. My experiences are positive, but I would be unsurprised if somewhere, sometime, someone has been pushed into a scene they weren’t happy with. Whilst you should be following instructions, don’t be afraid to remind if something is against your limit list.
And yes, follow instructions. Not just through protocol but because the Mistress/producer/etc has done this before many times and know what they’re doing.
Do not brat or play to be punished unless this has been agreed. Having someone playing the fool on filming days annoys Mistresses and other slaves! Don’t do it!
Oh – and keep the noise down while filming is taking place.
Whilst this also should be standard if for whatever reason you (a) are running late (b) unable to make it (c) something has happened which may affect what you can do – let the Mistress know ASAP! Don’t just “No show”.
(10) After the day
I think a small email saying “Thank You” is a bare minimum. There’s also no harm in mentioning you would love to film again. I probably wouldn’t use this message to air grievances or discuss what you would want to do at a hypothetical future date.
In some cases I’ve arranged a small thank you gift also, particularly if there was no tribute for the filming and I didn’t arrive with one.
Sometimes a copy of the clips is part of the deal and sometimes it is not.
Regardless, aim not to be pushy in asking for copies of the clips. There may be a backlog in editing or bigger priorities.
Once the clips are out, not really necessary but a little bit helping promote them will always be appreciated.
Also, when you do receive the clips – in the majority of cases these are for your own private viewing. You cannot resell them and shouldn’t upload them to tube or torrent sites.
I am aware of filming slaves who’ve created kind of ‘portfolio’ clips from themselves. But, they did this with approval and permission.
You can ask if She would like any form of review for Her website or blog post if you wish to write one. It’s sometimes appreciated.
Such is the way of the world, don’t expect Her to keep in touch with you. People are different and there’s a lot of different attitudes and people connect differently.
Some do like to keep in touch but a lot depends on your overall relationship. Someone who filmed together on one afternoon isn’t much of a relationship.
Now, it may be that on the filming day there were things you were not happy about. I probably wouldn’t highlight these in a first mail.
I mean “Hey, thanks for having me but next time…” sounds a bit like you’re on the offensive.
But if mails are going back and forth, or planning for another day “It’d be nice if it would be possible to do more scenes” or “If it’s possible I’d appreciate the opportunity to do this type of scene, as I loved what we did last time – but it’s one of my favourite things”
And even then…. if you want something specific, book a session.
Now that you have some filming experience you also do risk a little bit of sub-frenzy in applying for everything everywhere.
I would probably say again to step back. Applying to shoots/Mistresses that interest you more is likely to be best for everyone.
(11) What if something isn’t right?
I could have put this any part of the chain – but, let’s go back to the start. Some of the things I suggested were having an understanding and experience within BDSM and also to research the Mistress’ and/or company.
I also stated to be honest about your experience.
I appreciate that this is non-exhaustive and I’m also not trying to push responsibility onto you if something is wrong.
You should never be pressured into something you don’t want to do. It is always OK to stop a scene.
Sometimes even the best of people make mistakes.
It’s better to do less scenes than scenes you’re unhappy with for the sake of it.
Nobody will hold it against you if you walk out of a dangerous situation.
Nor will anyone hold it against you if you won’t allow yourself to be pressured into things you’re not happy with.
Nobody is likely to hold it against you if on a particular day you don’t feel up to a certain activity.
If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If you see something wrong. speak out.
Under normal circumstances, I’d say to do what you’re told. But, if someone tells you to get on a bench that hasn’t been cleaned then, I dunno, speak up and clean it first.
If someone tells you to do something against your limits, remind them of your limits list.
There is a difference between reminding people of information (lot’s of slaves with lot’s of requirements, sometimes it’s easy to forget) and wasting everyone’s time or being argumentive for the sake of it.
(12) Above all, have fun with it
I’m glad you’ve made it through my epic opus. You’re either really interested in the shit I have to say, wanted to check my advice was sound or are interested in going into filming and now have a better snapshot of knowledge.
I’m not going to pretend I know it all. But certainly, I’ve had first times and there’s stuff I would have been better for if I’d known.
There will be good times, there’ll be frustrating times. You will make mistakes and so may others, but it’s all about the dealing with it.
Like so much else in BDSM you have to ultimately be having fun. If you’re not enjoying yourself then why do it? And enjoying can mean lots of things, stuff you get out of it, or making a favourite Mistress happy, or whatever.
This doesn’t mean anyone owes you “fun” but don’t keep doing things you’re not happy with.
But, you know – when you find the right place, you’ll have fun.
Happy filming…. if it’s for you….
(13) The tl;dr summary
– Have a general knowledge/experience of BDSM
– Consider if filming is actually for you
– Filming is NOT a session
– Research who you are filming with
– Make first contact polite and informative
– Don’t be pissy if it’s a no.
– Don’t be OTT if it’s a yes
– Seek to make a good impression
– Follow instructions and do what you’re told
– Accept no two days are the same
– The main benefactor of the day should be the Mistress NOT the slaves
– Being good to work with will go a long way
– Let people know if your circumstances change
– Gifts are not mandatory, but appreciated (either in advance, on the day, or as a “Thank you”)
– In fact, any form of thank you is appreciated
– Have patience (on the day, when waiting for clips, everything)
– Most importantly, have fun.