Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

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bdsm opinion

10 Tips for a Content Share Shoot

Content share shoots are extremely common.
In these two (or more) performers/creators/whatever-we’re-called-this-week come together and pool resources, share workload, and split costs in order to produce clips.
The collaborative approach is also often a way to be introduced to someone else’s fanbase, which can give a publicity boost.

However, content share shoots can also be a source of frustration. For example if someone feels that what they got out of the day wasn’t representative of what they put in, or confusion over the release of clips.

There are also a lot of inexperienced chancers who try to gain kink or sex under the guise of “content share shoot”.

My following tips and suggestions are non-exhaustive.  But, should help create a successful shoot.

The Problem With Limits – They’re Not Exhaustive

One of my favourite stories about consent, limits, and communication sums up some of my general feelings about the problem with ‘limits’ sometimes.

The story goes.

A shibari specialist was offering play and doing demos involving a queue of volunteers.
If you are good at rope, there’s rarely a shortage of people wanting to try or play.

Some people just wanted to be tied and suspended. Some also wanted a little play. If you are suspended then any form of sensation play can be fun – wax play particularly.

Pineapple on Pizza : Not Wanting to do certain kinks doesn’t mean others shouldn’t

I was in a conference the other day and, for some bizarre reason, they closed by asking the presenters “does pineapple go on pizza?”

My thought on this was what a bizarre way to end the day – and none of the answers were pretty insightful.

But, this did inspire a thought about that question in general.

It is one that is often divisive. To the point people really will argue over fucking anything.

The Fantasy of the Live-in Slave

A common fantasy I see raised a lot is the idea of being a live-in slave.

Except, the fantasy is not presented as being a fantasy, but a goal.

Obviously there are people who have this type of relationship, under different structures and results.  However, I feel many subs and slaves are often wide of the mark on.

Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave

Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave

People often want different things from their patriation in the fetish community (be participation signing up for websites or going to munches/events).

And while some people seem to have great relationships, get lots of play, so on – there are those who often struggle and get frustrated.

The purpose of this blog is to highlight some common failures and also a little ‘what you can do to increase prospects’.

Punishments in BDSM

Punishments in BDSM often get talked about, but it’s something that’s often a little misunderstood, especially from newcomers.

Experienced subs or Dominants might talk about being punished, or punishing their subs.
If you watch BDSM clips, or read descriptions, there are some common tropes which come up.

Often that the sub is being punished.  This can be for something like being untidy, not cleaning up properly.  It could be for something seemingly minor, say, not using capital protocol. Forgetting “Good night” or “Good morning” messages, whatever. read more

Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?

Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?

One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that a lot of people who are, or think they are, submissive often get confused on what this entails.

That, not everyone on the “right of the slash” is actually submissive.

I’m not saying that that is any kind of bad thing.

But there’s a world of difference, for example, between someone who is a submissive and someone who is a masochist.

But, either are valid.

CLOSE TO HOME

Within myself I’ve obviously had my own questions over the years on as of if I’m actually submissive. read more

Beware the Carrot and the Stick

The image of a carrot and a stick comes from the old cartoons.

Someone is sitting on a donkey, dangling a carrot in front of its nose by a stick.

This causes the donkey to move forwards, chasing the carrot it cannot reasonably reach.  A joke that it’s too dumb to realise it’s being exploited for it’s labour.

The thing is, of course.  This could continue infinitum until the labour is no longer required (carrot removed) or until the donkey collapses with exhaustion.

It’s important to avoid being the donkey here and also, well, also not to try this with people. Voluntarily or otherwise. read more

10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make

I started writing a post on ownership.  It got long.  Too long.

So I wanted to break off little parts of it into mini-blogs to be referenced when the main course comes.

This episode is called “10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make” – although it’s not exhaustive.

Why does everyone have OnlyFans all of a sudden?

It’s probably not unnoticed that there are a rise in people signing up to create their own page on a platform like OnlyFans (or AdmireMe, AVN Stars, so on)

Along with this comes the rise in people bitching about people signing up for them.
Whether there’s a hint of fairness (“not so long ago you posted something against this”) or not (“so now everyone is a model?”) or a hint of entitlement and manipulation (“So people won’t do this unless they’re paid, huh? What happened to doing it for fun?”)

There’s a lot of thoughts this churns up within me – I’d like to share. Especially for anyone new to this or chewing sour grapes.

Patterned Behaviour – Breaking the Pattern

I feel there’s a trap some people fall into – which is based on behaviour patterns.  If you are doing these things, you may be limiting yourself.

There is a kinda prejudice to this, but a logic to the prejudice.

It’s not about that you’re a “straight white male” or “older”. But, that your behaviour is following patterns that people have seen before.  We know how it ends.

UK Fetish Awards / I’m up for two awards

NOTE : this is an old blog – the voting links are no longer relevant and have been removed.

So.  April sees the first UK Fetish Awards and I’m pleased to say I’m nominated for 2 different awards.

– Best Fetish Blog –
– Best Fetish Producer –

Now – clicky the links and you can vote for me (and you can vote once per day) but I’m gonna talk a little bit more here.

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