Journey and Opinions of a BDSM Kinkster

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bdsm opinion

10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make

I started writing a post on ownership.  It got long.  Too long.

So I wanted to break off little parts of it into mini-blogs to be referenced when the main course comes.

This episode is called “10 Mistakes Subs Seeking Ownership Make” – although it’s not exhaustive.

Why does everyone have OnlyFans all of a sudden?

It’s probably not unnoticed that there are a rise in people signing up to create their own page on a platform like OnlyFans (or AdmireMe, AVN Stars, so on)

Along with this comes the rise in people bitching about people signing up for them.
Whether there’s a hint of fairness (“not so long ago you posted something against this”) or not (“so now everyone is a model?”) or a hint of entitlement and manipulation (“So people won’t do this unless they’re paid, huh? What happened to doing it for fun?”)

There’s a lot of thoughts this churns up within me – I’d like to share. Especially for anyone new to this or chewing sour grapes.

Patterned Behaviour – Breaking the Pattern

I feel there’s a trap some people fall into – which is based on behaviour patterns.  If you are doing these things, you may be limiting yourself.

There is a kinda prejudice to this, but a logic to the prejudice.

It’s not about that you’re a “straight white male” or “older”. But, that your behaviour is following patterns that people have seen before.  We know how it ends.

UK Fetish Awards / I’m up for two awards

So.  April sees the first UK Fetish Awards and I’m pleased to say I’m nominated for 2 different awards.

– Best Fetish Blog –
– Best Fetish Producer –

Now – clicky the links and you can vote for me (and you can vote once per day) but I’m gonna talk a little bit more here.

Sex work is a luxury, not a right

There’s something important that easy to forget about the industry and lifestyle in general.  Sex work is a luxury.

Access to it is a luxury; not a right.

Your needs in life are food, water, shelter.

Even if you move up the hierarchy of needs; sex, kinks and fetishes are not on there.

Does my Domme really like me, or is it purely financial?

This is a blog I think a number of conversations and more has led me to write; but it’s arguably controversial.

“Does she really like me, or is it purely financial?”

Oh. OK.

I suppose a counter argument could be from a Dominant, “Does the sub really like me or the fantasy of me? The fetishes? So on”

To me
The real questions you should be asking are:
Am I enjoying myself?
Am I happy with how things are going?

Mistress Profiles : Nina Hiss

It’s been a while since I last did the ‘Mistress Profile’ series – and so, about time it came back.  There are three I’ve already got ready and hopefully more to follow.

First off, I’m going to start with someone I had the pleasure of finally meeting earlier this year and we’ve since met up a couple of times for filming and wrestling.

Nina Hiss.

Surprising things that get you shadowbanned

As often, there’s been continuous talk on the shadowban and assorted theories on how to beat it or avoid it.

This doesn’t help that it seems a fair few sex workers, and others from the adult industry, awoke on Friday morning asking to verify their Twitter account with a phone number.

While on one hand, this seems like another purge/attack on the industry. It is more likely to be a sweep aimed at picking up those who are suspected of being bots.

“Why is it hard to find a Domme?” – and other things not to say.

There’s an alarming regularity that someone will write on a forum something like “Why is it hard to find a Domme?”, “Where are all the Dommes?”, “My fetish is a bit niche so it’s hard to find someone…”

To a degree. I get it. Your copy paste message didn’t yield a response. That one person you were talking to stopped replying. You attended 3 munches or one club and didn’t get any play.
And, you’re disappointed because you feel you put effort in and got nothing back.

So, then… you make the post “Why is it so haaaaaaard….?” and that doesn’t actually help your case, and I’m going to explain why.

Being Good Enough

One of the things you may know I’ve struggled with in the past of the feeling of “being good enough”. Because there’s always someone prettier, richer, can take more, more popular, has better contacts, has a specialist ability, so on.

Now. You don’t need to be “the best” to exceed the minimum standards. That’s something important.

Bonding far from perfect? Yeah, but so is our own industry.

Although this blog post isn’t about the TV show ‘Bonding’ it is partially inspired by it.

If you’re unfamiliar with the show – it’s a Netflix show regarding a young Dominatrix recruiting her high-school friend as an assistant.
It’s 7 short episodes – around 15 minutes each – and has created a little bit debate regarding a few factors.

Obviously, I’m in full support that some are unhappy that the main character has an in-character account on Twitter, with a blue tick; when actual Dominants and sex workers find themselves shadow-banned.
It also fails to showcase some of the external factors against the industry (example SESTA/FOSTA or the threat of the Nordic Model in the UK) – and she seems to walk around with little consequences. read more

“Lucky Slave?” – actually, yes, we’re all lucky.

Maybe there’s some stock in “lucky slave”
As some of you probably know, I despise the term “lucky slave” – usually written in a comment to a picture or clip (specifically, the 7 second trailer!)
An often common response is either…
– he’s not lucky, he booked a session and turned up
or
– he’s not lucky, he earned it.

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