I don’t know if anyone else has any form of routine in preparing for a session.
Now. I’m writing this two-fold, one to share what I do : and two, possibly it may help others. Others either being a Mistress I’m going to see or film with, or other subs to help them get more out of things.
It actually starts during the planning stage. So, when messages are being swapped and a time/date/plan being agreed upon.
Arguably it starts before this. I don’t just make a hasty decision on the spot to suddenly do something. Even an approach to me (“Hey, want to come film” etc) often takes a little forethought before a decision. (Mind. Some I don’t have to think about long)
Incidentally, I tend not to rebook immediately after playing. I’m still usually in a period of sub-frenzy and so a decision can be made without the required thought. Yes, of course I want to do this again. That is without saying. But, this can disregard finances, well being and other commitments.
So, there have been cases where I know I’ve been discussing plans during sub-frenzy, that I like to calm down before committing to them to ensure it is a decision that works for us all.
Planning dates and times… where would we be without google maps?
In most cases these days I’m dealing with someone I know and/or a premises I know so I know where I’m going, but sometimes I don’t know , it’s often common for address to not be given out until almost the last minute but it’s not unreasonable to ask for a nearest train or tube station.
From here I can price up a train. I usually try to be flexible but aim to arrive at the destination around an hour early. Often I also have an hour, ninty minutes or so after the finish time before booking in the train back.
This is for contingency.
If I get to the destination early I can grab a coffee, freshen up, pop to the shops for a gift, whatever – and consider trains are seldom more than 30 minutes late to a destination because then they have to start giving refunds… ahh…
(Mind, I’m still waiting for a refund for my last delayed train. I’m on it)
And at the end, because, well – sometimes it’s nice for a post-play chat if possible, or if that’s not possible, sometimes it’s best to get yourself some composure before heading home.
Once the trains are booked, leave booked with work and deposit paid, if necessary, the session is CONFIRMED.
I let out a little yay.
I smile inside.
Because I only tend to confirm with people who genuinely interest me and if they’re new to me then it’s exciting to be meeting new people, or often people I’ve been interested in for a while, and if they’re someone I know then I’ll look forward to seeing them again.
In most cases I have things booked weeks in advance. There have been a couple of times it’s been shorter.
If you book something at short notice I think the excitement can be quite fast paced, but sometimes too short doesn’t give full benefit – unless it’s been me approached rather than vice versa.
It’s difficult to put into context.
I suppose it’s different if say… “Ooh, I’ve got nothing to do tomorrow – let’s contact (a) Mistress about a session” vs receiving a message that is “Hiya, I have this thing/event/filming tomorrow and wondered if you fancied helping me?” the latter is often good because it’s like… She noticed me, She’s interested in doing something!
Not that the former is wrong…
But, I was once at a loose end and considered contacting a Domme I liked to see if She still did same day sessions on a Wednesday – but I felt it would be rushed and I wouldn’t get the full enjoyment out of it, and that I should book a session with Her one day, but with at least a few days notice so I can happy dance a little “Yay, I’m meeting with…”
A vibe someone is excited to do something with you helps.
Anyway – my point is that it’s a few weeks away normally. The date will already be in my calendar.
I prefer to keep other sessions, filming, etc. away (unless it’s with the same person, I guess) usually a minimum of 10-14 days either side.
Two reasons : physical and mental.
Physical in the sense I like to be unmarked and as fit as can be. The Mistress is likely to have spent time planning ideas and if She cannot do something because I’m marked, well, it’s not great.
I did recently turn up to something with feint marks and no issue was made of it, which was nice, and it didn’t change plans I don’t think – and that had been on 13 days recovery.
But also mentally… as a date approaches I want my mind engulfed more and more by the Mistress I’m meeting . In the week or so after I want to savour the memories. I don’t want to start thinking about the next person until I’ve finished enjoying that.
So, keeping the date away from other distractions is important to me.
Obviously sometimes exceptions apply, again contextual. A multi-Mistress filming day/weekend/party for example. But, still.
At this point I don’t think my displayed behaviour changes massively, I tend to like/love/retweet/comment just as likely or unlikely.
One point I think is sometimes a shame is for the best part I struggle a bit to display excitement publicly. I’ve not quite got the ettiquette.
Like… I want to be like “Yay, I’m so excited” – but it’s weird.
Like, I feel I’m a pest if I keep nudging “I’m excited” and also sometimes, I do overthink how does it look to others? Now, in some cases it’s a mind over matter (those that matter don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter) but, like, I get wary “Yay, I’m doing something with Mistress X” if this makes Mistress Y be like “Aye, I see how it is…. swapped me?” or “When you gonna come back to me, like you said you would?” and it does mess my head a little. I did mention this to someone recently and She was like “Most women are supportive of each other and are glad that you are at least going out and paying or helping somebody… especially someone like Miss Z”
So, this is something where I do need to find the sweet spot of being able to say “Yes, I’m excited – someone I like, some one I admire, someone I respect, wants to do something with me?! Hell, fucking, yes!”
Which is genuinely how I feel. Every time.
Otherwise…. I’m Northern… I’m tight, I don’t book sessions or crawl across the country for the lulz.
As the date gets closer, one daft thing I do to get into the mindset is of course to vote in the Mistress Chart on Secret102 (you can probably follow my votes to work out what I’m doing or have done a lot of time haha) I’m also likely to spend more time on Her website, often reading over what I already know. Possibly getting gift ideas if I’m planning on bringing something, but also reading anything She has written or watching clips if I own them. (that is *watching* not masturbating to)
I also like to start to reflect over previous meetings if applicable. I know it won’t be exactly the same and there’s a little excitement in not knowing which way things will go next. Will there be a continuation, what new memories will be spawned, the possibilities are endless.
The day before (or sometimes the morning), I often send a ‘check in’ email which is basically running through what time I’m arriving, checking any instructions I’ve not received and giving any updates on my general health and well being.
Anything I’m struggling with – I tend to raise. If I say, I dunno, “I had a bad experience with caning recently” it’s better before the session than to stop the flow during it. That doesn’t mean we won’t do, I dunno, caning, but something for mind.
I tend not to put late requests in, cos this goes against whatever we’ve pre-discussed.
The night before I tend to pack a bag, which usually contains my knee pads and laptop for now. I also go back over my own plans including where I’m stopping for coffee or whatever.
The morning… ah… the big day.
Well, usual bath and cleaning of teeth. I also make sure I get a fresh shave and usually clean with a douche even if I’m not expecting anal play (unless, I know I’m definitely not doing it and there’s no time – I generally think it’s extra hygeine)
The douche then also gets packed.
Usually my train is considerably earlier than I normally go to work. I aim to get to the train station in good time, especially as I usually need to collect tickets and possibly grab breakfast.
And mints. If I’ve not got a packet I always grab a pack of mints.
Part is self-concious. No one has ever said anything negative about my breath or mouth – in fact… the idea came from doing some ashtray play when the Mistress commented I had a really clean mouth. I then became a bit concious “Eee people can see my mouth” and, when you think about it… there’s gonna be some screams of joy or pain sometimes. There’s a lot of play which may involve the Mistress close to your mouth; breath play, spitting, ashtray… more… so, yeah, it’s now something I do.
If a “I’m on my way SMS” is required, I send it. Even if not, I usually like some form of confirmation I’m on my way and excited.
In most cases, things go OK – but if trains are delayed or whatever then I make sure this is communicated.
I think getting in early with a risk of you running late helps, it keeps info lines open and the curtousy of doing this is good manors and, well, I’ve never lost session time due to being late – I suspect I may have if I’d not been open.
I’ve read Mistress blogs where it’s like “If you’re late, it comes out of your session!” and I think there’s a big difference between “Eek, I’m running late – so so sorry” and just waltzing in 15 minutes late without a care in the world.
Mind. I do appreciate in some circumstances the time would need to be cut, such as other bookings in the dungeon or other commitments.
If I am early then I’ve usually somewhere picked for a coffee, but, I have been known to just walk in one direction for 10 minutes, turn around, come back.
I have often sailed between stores to pick up a gift.
There are plenty of options to kill time.
I remember one time, I really wasn’t feeling it. I don’t know what it was, I was feeling a bit down about it. It was a second meeting with someone. Perhaps I was worried it wouldn’t be the same.
Floating around shops looking for gifts didn’t help as I thought the “Ooh, She will like that” would put me in mind – and… it didn’t. So, I ended up getting on the Tube quite solemn with my gifts. Suddenly, on the penultimate stop… it just hit me and I was overcome with emotions. That felt so good.
The aim for anything I do… it’s not the sub-space (though that’s really fucking nice) or the cumming at the end if permitted (though, that’s often really nice) or some cliche “good sub” quote… I mean, sure, I always want to be useful… but the aim is to reduce the whole world down to just the one room and two people.
That’s what I seek, the intimacy and connection. The more I put it into my mind the more it’s likely to happen.
Now, even at club events where there’s lots of people, or filming days where there’s maybe camera people or other subs or Mistresses… It’s still possible.
I looked up from a bench and forgot there was a room full of spectators… I got unclipped from a wall and forgot there were others there.
Sure, if you’re doing Double-Domme filming it’s different (but fun. I’d like to do more of that) but this is for the best part.
And,without wanting to suddenly turn this into a pointed… It’s why it’s important that spectators don’t interrupt scenes… It’s why it’s good to clear minds.
Yes, it’s true that there are some I’m very fond of. It possibly doesn’t take a genius to completely work it out. But, it’s all about who I’m with.
And, granted. Pretty much every Mistress will have other subs they’re fond of. Whether it’s those who’ve been loyal to them for years, or whom they just have a special connection with. So, for the best part, maybe some see me *amongst* their favourites. Maybe most just see me as A N Other client, but, I’m sure at that moment it’s all just about us…. That is a good moment to share.
I’m interested to know how my build up would compare to that of a Mistress.
I know how I like to think it is.
And perhaps I don’t want my little illusion shattered.
I mean, I don’t see it as a parralel experience. If I’m coming to see You it’s possibly the only kinky thing I’m likely to do for at least another 10 days. It’s often the first I’ve done for about 10 days. So that I can be channeling most my thoughts to You. I would expect the Mistress has other subs needs to consider, other sessions, and when not in session assorted admin tasks from website updating, sorting photos, editting clips, clearing emails, sorting future plans, so forth… I imagine most days there’s a lot to distract.
It seems to feel I’m playing things down – because, you know. There are those who make me feel they’re excited I’m coming for a session/filming. And maybe some is excitement and some is just saying the right phrases from a business perspective and some is a little bit from both columns…
I think in my head, most Mistresses are excited for most sessions with most people.
That, they generally turn down sessions that won’t be fun for them – but, there is a degree of flexibility sometimes.
A Mistress once told me some sessions were “just work” and some sessions were “fun I get paid for”. I think the profile of the Mistress and quality of emails weighs up how many of the “just work” sessions are taken.
But even then, in my head there’s an excitement when waiting for someone who You suspect will be good fun (because of previous interactions or communication in the build up) and possibly an optimism for those unsure about. “We’ve got to spend a couple of hours together and maybe they’ll be more fun than I think”
I dunno, I’m second guessing. But in my head I think most Mistresses wouldn’t grant a session with someone they didn’t feel was worth a chance (even if too many guys prove they weren’t worth a chance, but that’s another rant).
So, while I’m sure there is an excitement when it gets closer to seeing me (or you, or any other sub) I can appreciate why it’s not necessarily the same excitement we get for them sharing their time with us.
And maybe that’s how it should be.
We should be excited to serve/help/meet/session with our Superiors 🙂
With that… I’ve sidetracked. I hope some can relate to what I’m saying. Perhaps, if there’s more some of you could be getting from sessions, my tip is in the days before to eat, sleep and breathe the Mistress you are meeting.
(Figuratively. Not literally.)
Of course, being married – it is a case of balancing the needs of my relationship vs the excitement of the forthcoming session/filming/time – but – it’s doable…
And then, the post-play…. always allow a few days that you can really absorb the time spent together before too much of reality kicks in. I try to savour it for as long as possible, hence always keeping things apart in my diary.
The afterglow is very much part of my preparation. Little things can keep bringing you back and that’s such a good feeling to savour.
So, this is just a little insight. Always making sure I’m alert and looking forward to spending time with amazing people.