As someone who has often previously been an advocate on the whole “come to munches” thing, and of course run a munch (which you should totally come to) there’s a lot where my mind has changed a little bit over time.

I mean, I have thought that “come to a munch” has sometimes been a bit trigger happy especially if, say, it’s a guy who’s being send inappropriate messages online and then moaning “but this is a sex site”. That going to a munch isn’t really in their best interests – nor – of those who he has been sexually harassing.

But still.

The Pros of coming to a munch are many

“The gateway to the community”

As well as meeting lots of people they are the best way of finding out what else happens and how to get there.

You are not alone

Some people feel like they’re the only person in the world with their oddly specific fetish. While they might not meet someone with that oddly specific fetish, they will meet others who may also have oddly specific fetishes.

Equally, it doesn’t even have to be ‘oddly specific’ for you to feel alone or isolated.

Make new friends

And enemies! I mean you may well have lots of friends, but if you don’t feel open in talking about kink with them, this is an outlet.


Even if it’s just others perspectives rather than new skills.


Being visible is a good way of increasing a reputation. Mind, that isn’t necessarily a good reputation if you’re an arsehole.

A Good Way to Vet People

Even if it’s just chatting with someone you’d seen online you can see how this tallies up with your expectancy. Vetting doesn’t have to necessarily be about play.

Passive Connections

One of the best ways of relationships to form is via passive connections. Be seen, make friends, then all of a sudden someone is your partner. For play, or more, one off or ongoing.

And so on.

But there’s, of course, reasons why munches aren’t right for people and why they’re not always the great holy grail made out.


Community doesn’t interest everyone

Like, if you just want a kinky partner then giving up 2 days a month (or whatever) in the hope you meet someone is a big ask, then of course if they’re someone involved in the community and you don’t want to remain there, they’re going to begrudge you taking them out of it.
While going to munches isn’t a marriage or an ongoing commitment, if you already have an exit strategy it might not work out.

Some munches are more suitable than others

I say suitable because it’s not a case of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but some are low attendance, some are high attendance. Some have a big age range, some is more centred round one age range.

Going to munches is actually expensive

This is something some organisers try to factor in – so picking places with, say, good bar prices or drinks refills, etc.
But, bus fares, petrol, car parking, etc. can tot up even before someone gets there.
Again, a lot depends here on the desired outcome.
Come October, it’ll cost me £9 to get to any munch – a couple of drinks or a bite to eat could easily become £20-£25, so to do 2 munches a month is £50. That’s quite a lot of money to ask someone to commit to – before we even get to events, outfits, etc.
Of course, getting into kink in general is expensive – but if someone is on a budget would they rather spend £600 a year going to 2 munches, or spend that on a couple of dates and then toys?

Actually, on vetting…

Meeting someone at a munch does not mean they are either suitable for you or ‘safe’. Sometimes there can be a false sense of security. And while it’s arguably safer than meeting a stranger for play in a poorly lit hotel the arse end of nowhere, there is a universal problem with organisers talking a good talk but then running into issues when many would say they should take action. “lack of proof”, “only allegations”, “can’t ban anyone from gut instinct”, “yes I know 8 seperate people have complained, but there needs to be a police conviction”, “yes I know there’s a police conviction, but it’s spent” – etc.
Some are better/stricter than others – but if you do end up being strict you end up being accused of “banning people you don’t like”
Mind. There’s plenty of people who set up their own munch after being banned from others.
Still – it may be an environment to help you vet, but don’t assume someone else’s attendance as a sign of endorsement.

They’re not going to get you laid

Which might seem like it’s not a con. But, I often feel munches are missold. If someone is moaning online they want a sub/Dom(me)/kinky partner – going to a munch *may help* them get one. But you don’t turn up as a newbie and get handed a partner.
I mean, if you’re able, willing, happy to put in months of work showing you’re good to be around then it might get what you seek at some point down the line – it’ll certainly be more beneficial than copy/paste messages to profiles. But while we’d love people with the right attitude to attend, “can haz kink now?” is not the right attitude.