Category
Opinion Pieces
Covid19 and Kink
There’s probably a whole raft of blogs I could write on covid19. Not that I’m a particular expert, I’m not saying that, but on how it’s going to affect us in kink.
Some clubs and events went before the government asked venues to close. The rest obviously have had their hands forced.
While there may very well be some trying to host mini parties, filming events, sessions or meet – currently the advice is, well, not to.
So, unless you live with your Dominant/submissive/play-partner your ability to serve/interact/indulge in kink is likely to be somewhat limited.
And we’ve only just started.
There’s something important that easy to forget about the industry and lifestyle in general. Sex work is a luxury.
Access to it is a luxury; not a right.
Your needs in life are food, water, shelter.
Even if you move up the hierarchy of needs; sex, kinks and fetishes are not on there.
I think something I want to make as a point is that sometimes how you respond to an incident or allegations can often say as much about you as the actual incident or allegation.
So if, for example, there’s a high profile sexual assault case and you start picking apart the victims story (which simultaneously complaining about ‘trial by social media’) what this does is it tells your friend, family, clients, customers, so on that you would do the same with them.
From a lot of this; one buzz phrase I think is overused and irresponsible is ‘Personal Responsibility’.
Within the kink and fetish scene in particular a lot of things are not black and white.
I feel that in a couple of recent posts [including my recent blog post] and some comments I’ve made on social media that, there’s things I’ve implied that take away from somewhat of a core message.
Without wishing to defend myself too much; I find a big problem is trying to keep blogs down from being epic opuses, when there’s so many branch points off.
But, not just me – there’s something many others are missing, forgetting, or not always relaying…
So – subs, would be subs, slaves and would be slaves.
The most important message you should constantly be drilling through your head is…
Ask not what your Dominant can do for you; ask what you can do for your Dominant.
This is a blog I think a number of conversations and more has led me to write; but it’s arguably controversial.
“Does she really like me, or is it purely financial?”
Oh. OK.
I suppose a counter argument could be from a Dominant, “Does the sub really like me or the fantasy of me? The fetishes? So on”
To me
The real questions you should be asking are:
Am I enjoying myself?
Am I happy with how things are going?
In previous years I’ve retweeted out some of my most read blogs of the year, but this time I thought I’d put them all in one link.
There’s been a mixed bag of the educational, the funny and the diaries… so, a good chance to catch up on some you may have missed.
A somewhat common phrase within kink is “Topping from the Bottom” which is also presented as being a bad thing.
I do agree that it is, if not consensual – and can be bad for both the Dominant and the sub in scenes.
However, I also feel that it’s a term that gets misused. It can leave subs afraid to speak up or communicate. It can also send the Dominants on the wrong path. But, worse, it can be used as a tool to get away with abuse.
I was recently in a Twitter discussion regarding self-esteem. A question being that : How can a a sub maintain healthy self-esteem in a D/s relationship as an “Inferior”?
I think there is a lot of language used, especially online, which comes across this way. But the reality should be a little different.
As often, there’s been continuous talk on the shadowban and assorted theories on how to beat it or avoid it.
This doesn’t help that it seems a fair few sex workers, and others from the adult industry, awoke on Friday morning asking to verify their Twitter account with a phone number.
While on one hand, this seems like another purge/attack on the industry. It is more likely to be a sweep aimed at picking up those who are suspected of being bots.
There’s an alarming regularity that someone will write on a forum something like “Why is it hard to find a Domme?”, “Where are all the Dommes?”, “My fetish is a bit niche so it’s hard to find someone…”
To a degree. I get it. Your copy paste message didn’t yield a response. That one person you were talking to stopped replying. You attended 3 munches or one club and didn’t get any play.
And, you’re disappointed because you feel you put effort in and got nothing back.
So, then… you make the post “Why is it so haaaaaaard….?” and that doesn’t actually help your case, and I’m going to explain why.
Knowing/Setting Your Financial Boundaries.
This is not (just) about Findom.
There’s a lot within fetish and BDSM, particularly when you’re new, or meet somebody new, there can be a temptation to “spend now, worry about it later”
This could be because you want to make a good impression. Or it could be that you would rather do something NOW and pay it off than wait in the hope you can afford the time later. Fearing you will miss opportunities.
This is something that is largely a joint responsibility, but largely that on the sub.
Unless you have an arrangement, expecting your Dominant to be responsible for your spending/finances is extra labour on them. Ultimately, they can’t do anything about it if you’re not sure and crystal honest yourself.
And, also, unless you’re exclusive to one person – then nobody can babysit your finances for you.
Here’s some tips to follow
After a busy May, June needed to be a little quieter. But, things for July seemed to slot neatly.
This blog covers the weekend of 4th-6th July – some further antics will be in future blogs.
I’ve already written a blog about a visit to Club DVS, although the plan for the weekend was to go down and do a little filming and go to the club, it turned into a little more.