I think there’s sometimes a polar in “sub” guys who get it wrong.
1) I’ll do anything, I have no limits
2) I want to serve you by doing all my fetishes and fantasies.
On the surface, one guy is too open and the other is too closed.
But, for me – there’s a lot more.
One thing to consider is in these cases there’s no previous relationship.
Largely this is something that also applies in and out of professional circles. I mean, even I’ve had messages from guys offering to serve me 😉 (yes, I am a switch, but largely most of what I post/share is from a sub perspective.)
Sadly, not very many useful and I’d much prefer women anyway. But, c’est la vie.
So. For the sake of this post, I’m going to answer as if it was a guy contacting me.
I’LL DO ANYTHING.
You know, I’m not going to make you chop off your own arm, that’s actually not useful to me and I’d feel a bit guilty if you were stupid enough to actually do it.
So, you know what would be useful to me right now, well… I got bills and credit cards, clearing one of those would be nice.
Oh, that makes me a “Gold Digger”, does it? You said ‘anything’.
OK, away from finances – well – if we could agree to meet up and you could give me a good walk through and tutorial on Selenium. What? You don’t know Selenium, you haven’t heard of it? You said anything? Why don’t you go learn so you can teach me?
Oh, that’s not fun for you. But you said ‘anything’.
I’ve got some decorating needs doing, but, sorry, I’m not having a stranger in my house and neither of us are insured for the event you fuck this up.
Umm… you know… actually what would be really beneficial, if I give you a bunch of posters and flyers – if you could put the posters up around town and then maybe stand outside some clubs handing out flyers…
Oh, is that not to your liking *either*
So what do you actually mean by ‘anything’ ?
So, if you have things in mind – raise them. Share your interests and see what is mutually enjoyable.
If you can be helpful outside of session, this is something you will learn together as your relationship develops.
(Incidentally, if you do want to pay one of my bills… do get in touch – or hey, stuff from my wishlist is always welcome)
I WANT TO SERVE YOU BY DOING MY FETISHES AND FANTASIES
Then is it actually servitude?
I mean. This gets very weird and contextual. We like the fantasy idea that Mistress has a cage full of subs… “I need a foot rub, where is my foot slave?” and he comes out of the cage, gives a foot rub, then returns. “I need to practice my whipping, where is my whipping slave?” and then the next guy comes out…
And yeah. There’s so many reasons this doesn’t work.
I mean, the food bill for Mistress to feed them and heating to keep them warm – and it’s got to be healthy because an unhealthy slave is useless to Mistress. “Keep me in the cold cellar and feed me dog food” then you will get sick and be useless to Mistress.
Particularly when I first joined Fetlife, I got a lot of messages from guys who were into Sploshing wanting me to Gunge/Splosh them.
Yes I’m into Splosh… giving… (yes, I have been on the receiving end – but that works more in a whole Femdom setting for me) but, well, to women.
So, I said, I wouldn’t get anything out of it.
The satisfaction I have helped a stranger with their sexual fetish? Why, why would I take time out of my life to do this.
I need something more to this.
Nobody goes round here and there and everywhere doing other people’s fetishes for the sake of it.
“But you’re into it, it’s on your list”
Yeah, but not with just anyone!
Make it worth my while.
Whether that is with a financial incentive, or that it’s mutually fun or that I’m helping you out for something you have done or will actually do for me (like standing outside clubs handing flyers out… or helping me research automation software in a way I find tangibly beneficial… or if you’re female and I’ll mutually enjoy it…) then it’s different.
Now this is just a personal example.
I guess one I see a lot is something like “What Woman wouldn’t want a guy serving at her feet?”
And this is a point many guys fail on. They mistake their own fantasies and images as what other people want.
Foot worship, face sitting, pegging… I’m sure many women enjoy these activities, for sure, but they’re closer to rewards for the guys than something she is in short supply of.
You don’t earn the right to serve at someone’s feet by emailing them telling them it’s their fantasy, when really it’s yours!
SO WHAT IS GOOD?
Up until this point, everything above applies both in and out of professional circles.
At this point onwards I gear more towards the Professional side of things.
Random Woman X on the Internet likely isn’t interested however you do things, even if there’s better ways than others.
My general advice is to go out, meet people, get to know them – and develop a relationship as friends… but… treat it as friendship first and anything else a bonus.
Everyone’s wants and expectations differ, but treat things as a marathon rather than a sprint, among anything else just been active in the race gets you noticed. (Whether that is good or bad is up to you and how you are noticed)
The last paragraph is also the same within professional circles.
But, a lot of guys have a general fear of being “ripped off” – and, it’s, well. Look, I don’t want compare it to the general fears women have (everything from is the guy gonna no show and leave me out of pocket – to – is he going to be a good person and respect my limits as I do his – and up to, is he going to assault me.) so… you know, do some research.
But, like, you probably don’t splash money on a car or TV or computer or camera without doing a little research first.
Professionals aren’t a hivemind, but, generally speaking…
Being clear with expectations (not ‘wants’) helps. Some Professionals will be theoretically happy with someone who comes along and is “If I give you your advertised tribute, would you do some of my fetishes/fantasies with me” providing they’re overall polite, not pushy and that they’re in line with what she offers.
If you go all “super perfect sub” trying to impress Her, you probably won’t. Some of the best subs I’ve met are still always seeking improvement.
It’s ok to be new, it’s ok to not know quite what you want (many professionals will help talk you through ideas and do a little trial and error with you) it’s ok to not be the perfect sub (I’m not…) what is not OK is lying. And that’s whether it’s to yourself or others.
A Mistress once told me, “The guys who talk themselves up, or say what great subs they are – are the ones who usually aren’t.”
Too many make offers or promises they can’t or don’t intend to keep in attempt to impress people, but, really, all they want is someone who pays deposit on time and can follow basic instructions. At least in the first instance… you’re coming to a session, not to be a long-term sub.
If your expectations ARE to be Her long term sub, then, it’s going to need more than one meeting – get to know each other and then decide if you still want that before having the conversation. Some Mistresses have different ‘rules’ on this – i.e. minimum number of sessions or amount of time : which are for both of your benefits.
“I will do anything” is empty and meaningless. “I want my specific fantasies…” not submission… but still can be possible if you manage to not be a dick about it.
Getting what you want long term, that’s another kettle of fish and something for you to explore together, not just with awful clichéd emails desperate to get you attention.