I’ve been feeling a little reflectively lately.
I do now and then.
Today marks one year since the second occasion I booked a Private Session with a Professional Mistress. I think it’s interesting to remember some of my feelings going into that.
In music, there’s a term called ‘The Difficult Second Album Syndrome’.
Usually when a band has made an amazing album that it’s difficult to see where they’ll go from there. Doing the same again *only better* has a lot of pressures. Doing something different is steps away from what people liked about the last one.
So there’s the problem that doing the same people might not like it being different people might not like it!
I’ve found there is an overall term for this ‘Sophomore Slump’ which can apply to anything like the apathy of students in their second year of University, film sequels, second series of TV, athletes/football teams (this current season could be a Sophomore Slump for Leicester City).
I didn’t think of any pressures on a second booking at the time. Now prior to O/our first meeting, I’d done assorted play in clubs. Between our first and second meeting I had started filming, I’d set a caning record with a friend and also been punished in a Court Role Play event.
So things like the notion of play – it wasn’t an issue.
In terms of the Mistress, She had demonstrated in O/our first meeting She was trustworthy, skilled, experienced, who She said She was, respectful, etc. W/we had discussed some things W/we had done and how to take them further along with new ideas and surprises.
So, anything like this was spot on.
But. I just had awful – well…
W/we had both had fun in the first meeting. I mean, look, I’m sure it’s not uncommon that a Mistress might tell someone they’ve had a had a good time for not wishing to hurt feelings or whatever. But even in my cynicism, when someone skips in the room going “OMFG – I really hope W/we can play again soon!” you get the vibe She is not just ‘being nice’.
So, I’m of course thinking “What if it is not as good?” or this or that – and of course also “What if I’m not ‘as good’ for Her?” – a kind of, one or both of us could be disappointed.
So, I didn’t want to let Her down, didn’t want to be let down myself, was questioning if I could really justify the money I was spending…
The nags in the back of my head probably jaded things a little bit.
It was still a good evening. Parts of that evening are etched in my mind either due to being a first time experience or just because it was a stand out point.
Every session, every filming day, everything I’ve done has bits that’ve stood out as special and this was no exception.
Perhaps I had nothing to worry about.
I have had similar “second time” nerves recently with another Mistress. Similarly O/our first meeting was extremely exciting and there were new experiences and amazing experienced and W/we both seemed to have a good time and again the second time I was worried I’d be as good for Her.
Did I have all these expectations in my head about how amazing it’d be again?
And, likewise. I had nothing to worry about.
But I now wonder a touch.
How many men who pay a Professional have just one session? I’d expect a lot because perhaps for whatever reason it wasn’t as they expected or it was a bucket list item or a treat or to try things.
My first time was *supposed* to be a one off and partially as I had a few activities I wished to try (although one thing I did ask for was for Her own preferences to be considered in the session which meant two new ideas were also brought to me) so whether people try and find it’s not for them or try and have now done it and can move on.
But… how many stop after the second?
That perhaps a great first session wasn’t replicated and then possibly a continuation dismissed.
Perhaps this is just ponder. Possible input is required – so for the Mistresses, is two a magic number? Also for Mistresses, do you feel similar going into a second session with someone? And for guys how many sessions do you normally book before consciously deciding to not book another session or merely not getting around to it?
I suppose the next question is how to get through those feelings.
It’s important to discuss pre-meeting nerves with the person Y/you are meeting. I say this having not always done this – but I also say this having done this and a positive warm response back, it doesn’t necessarily make everything all right in your head, but it does help.
Communication is very important in BDSM and sometimes I can feel guilty of saying too much, but, being open with information it helps.
I mean, if you were carrying an injury you’d probably communicate that or if you just really weren’t feeling up to a toy that day you’d communicate that, so concerns in your mind – I think it’s good to communicate.
But also, one nagging piece to remember, a second (or third, or fourth) session hasn’t been agreed with Y/you just because of the money or kink. The other person enjoyed their time with Y/you enough they want to do it again.
So. I’m going to conclude this post with the most important piece of advice I keep forgetting.
Remember you are good enough….