Maybe there’s some stock in “lucky slave”
As some of you probably know, I despise the term “lucky slave” – usually written in a comment to a picture or clip (specifically, the 7 second trailer!)
An often common response is either…
– he’s not lucky, he booked a session and turned up
– he’s not lucky, he earned it.
Now – the first is fairly self-explanatory.
You send a respectable email outlining what you’d like from a session, if it’s agreed you turn up and pay the required tribute. No luck (it seems).
The second is a bit more complex. What does “earned” even mean?
This may differ from relationship to relationship – but – it could mean that the person has repeated many sessions which has allowed a relationship to build. It could mean they’ve been doing things outside of the relationship that are helpful, using skills and resources, so on.
Given that many skills can be learned – then also no luck (it seems).
I guess a side note, of course, is that if this is a picture with (say) a romantic partner – then it’s still deemed “lucky” – “lucky you have a partner who is ‘into it’/’open minded’/whatever”
Just because I hate it, doesn’t mean it isn’t right
As above I hate “lucky slave”. I feel it invalidates a lot of things. I feel it’s disrespectful to the Dominant (that they would choose someone solely for luck) and, let’s be honest – most of the people who say the “lucky slave” thing probably COULD be in the same place if they stopped typing “lucky slave” and looked at ways of improving their prospects.
It is important we all sit back and do appreciate there is good fortune at play.
Fetish and BDSM in general IS an expensive lifestyle. So having the disposable income to be able to afford it can have elements of luck.
Everyone is equal, but some are more equal than others
Now – I need to be careful on my words – and I don’t want to turn this into any form of socio-political kinda thing – but – everybody is not equal.
Whether this is on the housing prices and job prospects in our area. Whether this is debt we have been saddled with or money we have inherited. Or, whether this is skills we already had before discovering we wished to explore kink – or having to learn these afresh among other things. Whether we have family or other commitments.
Whether our favourite Mistress lives just round the corner or at the other side of the country.
Where we can reasonably save money or generate extra revenue. For example, if overtime or bonus prospects exist. Freelance/second job opportunities. Savings that could be made to a budget.
We do have a bit luck in even being born at all. But also where we’re born country-wise, city-wise, whether we’re born into an affluent or struggling family. Any other barriers we are born with such as sexual identity, disability, so on. Being born into a religious family could change direction.
There are those of us who do well despite assorted disadvantages. But, that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a little good fortune somewhere and there’s no clear model.
“I worked hard to get where I am” – I fully appreciate that statement, but then there are also those who worked hard that DIDN’T get the same outcome. There are also those who found good fortune at their feet.
Doing everything right
One of the cruellest things in life is – in any scenario – you can seemingly do everything right and STILL not get the outcome you expect.
And this is very complex.
There are outcomes in life you can INFLUENCE but cannot control. That’s something else difficult to accept at times, but important to.
So what this means is that, actually, yes – there is at least a hint of luck in being able to get what you want.
That circumstances favoured you.
Even down to the kinks
Slightly controversially, but even somewhat the kinks that we’re into can be argued a little bit to be luck. I’m aware of those with fairly niche interest who’ve massively struggled to find a partner or for whom it’s just not straightforward. I’ve also known those who have kinks or abilities that are more desirable. So, a case of knowing what your kinks are and how appealing they are to others, especially in the circumstances you’d like.
Going back to the above examples at the very top.
“He paid for a session”
Not lucky, a transaction, but potentially luck in the sense that there were the means to fund a session and that the mood led the photo/clip to be taken – and that perhaps circumstances meant that the person could be able to have photos/clips shared.
“He earned it”
So, not lucky – but – as above, earning could be via repeatedly booking sessions or buying gifts (previous point) or by taking on extra tasks – a lot of this could come down to time, existing skillsets, time to learn new skills, so on. Someone with existing skills in a software a Dominant wishes to make advantage of is ahead of someone who needs to take the time to learn it.
“He’s lucky to have an understanding partner”
Finding a partner is hard. Hitting all the right compatibility, even harder.
I think there’s a lot we can do that boosts our chances – but yes, every relationship comes with a hint of luck – even if it was being in the right place at the right time.
The Lucky Loser Fantasy
Particularly within the fantasy element there is a little bit where, particularly, men are presented as being losers – lucky that a woman would give him any attention at all. Let alone, such a divine Lady. This does play a little bit into fantasy areas. I remember on one filming day there was a lot of verbal humiliation; “You’re pathetic, worthless, no woman would go near you!” and in my head I was thinking, “Yet, here I am”. And, on days like that, yes there were fortunate circumstances that led to it being possible – but my invite to film wasn’t down to luck. Simply, I’d filled in the application form fully, came across obviously well, so on. The silly-male, loser-sub, etc. fantasy plays well into the the industry or fetish (although, not my fetish – but, I’ll do it for filming) but, let’s be honest – yes, there is luck to be selected – but no one is pulled at random and nobody is genuinely useless.
AM I LUCKY?
Some circumstances favour me. This is important for me to acknowledge. I have been fortunate to have met some amazing people. I have an understanding wife. Fortunately, I have some skills from other projects that are transferable. I have the means to be able to film/session from time to time.
So. Yes. I am.
Whilst I’d love to be able to film/session more often. Lack skills in other areas and don’t have the time to prioritise them on top of other things – I have to see where I’m lucky ahead of others.
So. Yes. Maybe “lucky slave” isn’t entirely inaccurate. We are all lucky. That’s not to say we didn’t all have to work a little bit for it, or put some effort in to maintain things – but, to completely shrug off luck is as disrespectful as claiming it’s all down to luck.