There’s been a bit of a rise recently in attempted scammers.
And, general chancers are fairly common.
Some have been fairly blatant, clear bots. Some, I’ve seen people at least initially fall for.
These are damaging to the whole industry and arguably lifestyle.
The possible consequences of falling for such a scam can include : loss of money, an underwhelming experience, being involved in a dangerous situation… being outed.
Now I say scam. There’s two groups I’m largely going to look at.
Deliberate Scammers & Chancers.
Those who deliberately intend to deceive (either pretending to be someone else and/or take your money and offer nothing…. mind, not to be confused with any Findomme situation where you’ve agreed you’re getting nothing). They intend to take money and run.
When I say chancer, I suppose to give an example – someone who just appears from nowhere thinking there’s an easy market of people who’ll buy their photos/socks/whatever. I touch on them on a previous blog, they can be annoying but disappear quickly when they find it’s not as easy as they believed.
Hypothetically, if I was to buy, say, a pair of socks – I’d buy from someone I know/like rather than some random person.
I think a lot of these people mean no harm, they just don’t really understand it, expect it to be easy and find it’s not. Of course, there is a risk with these that if you do pay them, you may be disappointed with the experience.
My post does wander a bit – I’m trying to stay away from topics about prospective dangerous players (although there is overlap) and trying to focus mainly on a scenario where you’ll ultimately end up handing over cash and not get what you paid for. While this may seem to focus on F/m type scenarios – there are plenty of examples where men have conned women out of money.
So. Here are some telltale signs things may not end well…
NEWLY CREATED PROFILE
Like, the profile has been up a matter of hours, or days and there’s no evidence of a previous social media presence.
Yet they’re already aggressively, shall we say, spamming.
There does seem to be a distinct difference between “I am new and offering sessions” and “SPAM ALL TEH GROUPS!!!1!”
Of course, everyone does start somewhere but there’s still usually a gradual crawl.
Now it may be the person doesn’t appear to be initially asking cash. We can see the “I’m offering real time meets” or Cam, or selling socks/photos – whatever. But, the ones to watch are the ones where cash is not initially suggested.
Particularly ties in with the above – but, take a random paragraph or chunk of it and do a Google search. It may tie in with the users website, or may be clearly lifted from someone else. I’ve found a couple who have even made subtle differences but… Google knows… 😉
The thing also to consider when meeting someone for a session, if they’ve copied text and copied someone else’s experience then they’re likely lying to you. In a scene built heavily on trust, blatant plagiarism is not a sign they can be trusted and if they’re lying about experience then what else are they lying about?
Some are more obvious than others, for example, if they’re all clearly different people. Some are more difficult to tell. High quality modelling photos would make sense if they’re a model – but – still, right click “Search Google for this Image”
Of course, quite a few people have had their photos stolen so you may be search against someone genuine and be taken to imposters. But, the genuine photo owner should be the one you get around the most results for.
But, sometimes it can be hard to tell. If someone is pretending to be a known Professional it can be quite easy to verify. But, if someone has been more creative with their sources it can be difficult.
I am aware of some who have had imposters making profiles in their name, with their pictures, etc. on a dating site. Some fairly well known professionals but also some less well known.
Just to complex, I’m also aware of some Professionals who do happen to use dating sites.
I’m also aware of bogus Fetlife profiles and bogus Twitter accounts. Now, I know the excitement of talking to a Mistress you admire for the first time. It’s potentially easy to be taken in, but this is thankfully fairly easy to verify. If you are handed an email address to pay with paypal or gift card or whatever, check it against the Mistress’ website for consistency. There may be a subtle difference in the address or attempts to make it appear genuine – I don’t know, Mistress X might have the email email@example.com and the scam address could be missx or m1stressx or mistress_x or mistresx
Also in the event of any telephone numbers being given in validation these can again be checked against one listed on a website.
Of course there is a very easy way to verify this is real, contact the Lady via Her website with a “Is this You I am talking to on a dating profile?” I’m sure if the answer is “No” She will be glad you have brought it to Her attention and if it’s a “Yes” then I cannot foresee a reason She would be unhappy you checked – particularly if you had reached a point where discussing deposits, gifts, meets, etc.
So. The text seems original, the photos seem genuine and things seem to add up.
Now – I am talking two different pathways here. It could be for example you are looking at a Professional you may wish to purchase services from (sessions/meet/play, online sessions, buy socks, videos, whatever from. etc) or shall we say someone posting in local groups who has come from seemingly nowhere and looking to meet someone for play.
There are various well known Professionals that are fairly easy to verify. They usually have a website, are in assorted clips, they have good content it’s easy to verify from and you know by interacting with the email address on their website it is them you are talking to.
But we might not be talking about a well known Professional. We might be talking about someone who isn’t as easy to be able to verify or has just appeared on a board about online play, camming, whatever – or – of course someone who is “new to all this” or whatever.
(Even a well known Professional I’d recommend watching a few clips or researching to make sure they are for you, but that’s another story)
But anyway… where you are now, you’re engaged with talking to someone about play (whatever that may be)… how you got there doesn’t matter too much…
MONEY COMES AS A SURPRISE
Of course, there is a natural assumption here that you’re not dim. If you’re exchanging messages with someone whose profile states they’re a professional you shouldn’t be surprised if tribute comes up.
Not a concern
You : We should play some time
Her : Book a session via my website
You’ve spent lots of time discussing and there’s no indication anywhere that she may be a professional and it’s come from nowhere.
It may be this is again not any form of scam. I would certainly feel I was being misled and that both our time was wasted,
But, where we get to the dirt… most of the below can affect anyone and are common dating site scams.
The Classic Scam
“Listen, I’d love to meet with you but there’s been this emergency and it’s going to cost me lots of money. Once I have this money we can meet lots and lots”
Emergency could be something directly linked to the meet (flight tickets, car repairs, etc) or indirect like an unexpected expense which means they have to pay that off before thinking about paying you.
I don’t even know if this has a proper name – but it’s all too common. In the first example the “emergency” involves one large lump sum.
But, in this instance the requested money is a string of smaller amounts. Maybe £20-£30 here and there and it doesn’t feel like a scam because you are only been asked for small amounts of money for something seemingly genuine. There’s a bait because you keep paying £20 here and there hoping for a meet or to go on cam or whatever but there’s always some reason it’s not possible and the second you stop paying you know it will never happen so victims keep paying in hope. In some cases, it’s even linked to preying on vulnerable because even people who know they’re being taken for a ride keep paying because they’re getting interaction and they’re lonely.
The Military Scam
There is the all too-common Military Scam, which usually plays out that the (usually the) guy is away on service, this will be an instant cover for the ad hoc times when replying to messages – but what will, sadly, end up happening is that the story will play out that there is some need for money, perhaps in order to afford flights for leave to meet you or something like that. There are pages and pages dedicated to Military scams on the Internet. People tend to find it rude to ask questions of a “Patriotic Hero”. My next door neighbour got a nasty virus installing malware that “will make it easier for us to chat”.
There are assorted variations on this where the person will ultimately take the role of whatever your profile says you’re looking for. However, other signs should be there (stolen pictures, too good to be true, etc)
It’s not uncommon to be asked for a deposit. Particularly from someone you’ve not met before and certainly before any real discussion on “what W/we will do” (sadly, there is a problem with guys effectively being happy with an erotic email exchange when the Woman was expecting play and may have planned around a meeting meeting with someone who isn’t going to turn up).
Now, with what I’m saying about watching out for scams – you might think “well I could pay a deposit and She not turn up”.
So, first off… I’ve seen deposit requests of £50, 30% and 50% and around that. (100% for people who’ve previously not shown) so I’m not sure why someone would not turn up when they stand to gain more than what has already been paid.
Also, if you are trusting someone to tie you, beat you, do things to your bits, whatever… that requires an awful lot more trust than passing over cash!
A lot of the above can be quite confusing when it comes to Fin-Domme. But, guys, if you are paying someone or gifting someone with no agreement for something in return then don’t expect anything in return! If you’re expecting cam time or real time meets or whatever then be clear about this (and maybe just book that direct?).
AND IT’S NOT JUST MEN WHO CAN BE SCAMMED
There are a number of scams I’ve heard men attempt on Women. I’m not sure what the most common are. I’m sure there are plenty of blogs about timewasters and spotting them and they can explain better than me. But, ones I would watch for are :
(a) the promise of something from a wishlist
Unless it’s arrived and it’s with you, then at almost any time it can be cancelled. So a receipt to say something is bought should be approached with caution.
(b) Raising Payment disputes.
Which is very risky with Paypal for reasons I’ll come to below.
So, guys, if your favourite Mistress won’t take a Paypal deposit or a “receipt” as proof as purchase, then it’s often for a good reason.
OTHER THINGS TO WATCH OUT FOR
Basically, it just not adding up. I don’t feel you should quiz someone before meeting, but comments that seem wildly contradictory to their profile/website or that goes against their alleged experience.
PUSHES TOO MUCH
Pushing play limits I think is a separate post : but when it comes to finance…
Sometimes it’s easy to see what something will cost – whether prices are listed for a custom or prices on a website are obvious, or whatever.
But sometimes prices aren’t listed, or what you want is going to be more than standard rate or whatever – perhaps even, I mean something that happened to me is the price of travel jumped nearly £100 from when I sent the enquiry email to agreeing W/we would meet and I had to seriously consider progressing. But, I think the best response to “Sorry, I can’t quite afford this at the moment” would be “Sure, let Me know when you think you can and W/we can try to re-arrange”
A response like “Take a loan” or “Don’t pay your bills” or anything fairly reckless like that – they’re not going to stop pushing.
There’s assorted financial play and financial games that I think can be very hard to get right. Some people potentially get off on being “ripped-off” i.e. they’re on Cam and the person on the other end is playing raise-the-rate and so they’re sitting paying £50 per minute or something. Ditto for anything like blackmail scenarios. I don’t want to turn this into a blog on how to play those games (there should always be an out) but someone trying to push you into a scenario you cannot afford is not going to end well for either of you.
There’s a massive difference between making a sacrifice for your Dominant and, well, putting yourself in financial danger (not going to the pub and using the money saved towards a gift is a sacrifice, going without eating or not paying your bills is reckless)
I suppose with that in mind – be cautious of anyone who talks openly about wanting to ruin or homewreck. I’m personally very uncomfortable with that sort of language. While it may just be “play” in my opinion it sets off the wrong signal, gives bad examples to others. I’d certainly be cautious of anyone using words like “ruin”.
“Rinse” on the other hand… no, no, I’m not doing a post on financial play – but – mostly what I’m saying is being cautious on someone who is pushing you beyond what you can afford.
WHILE I’VE BEEN WRITING THIS
This has seemed an awful coincidence – but – while I’ve been writing this, one of the Foot Fetish groups on Fetlife has had 3 adverts from people selling pictures, videos, socks, etc. AND a private message from someone offering a Skype session for a price of £10 per minute for first 5 minutes, then £5 per minute after this. Also, finally doing this post was prompted by a really messy but interesting catfishing attempt into a local group, which I’ll come to at the end.
Of the other 4.
Two were created virtually immediately, that day, then they’d come and hit all the groups. They’ve both since deleted their profiles.
What I expect is they’d found nothing but hostility and quickly discovered it wasn’t easy money and scooted off.
Mind, I do think that some of the levels of hostility was unnecessary. If this was some guy hitting up the groups there’d be plenty say “he just needs guidance”, “give him a chance” and all that drivel. Still, there’s a balance. Had they not have had a hairdryer reception then they’d still have left anyway and those giving out the abuse wouldn’t have a breadcrumb trail saying they’d been shouting down a newbie. Anyway…
The third has had a profile for 12 days. Has made no bones She is trying to launch Her own website but not started to mention money instead pointing people to join Her Instagram. Of the four, she seems to have Her head screwed on the most. There’s nothing just yet to suggest the photos are not Hers or anything like that. She is an example of a newcomer who appears to be trying to create a profile and not just expect instant rewards.
The forth, the one who contacted me in PM (this doesn’t happen often at all, possibly the 4th or 5th time ever, although ironically, the second time this week!) almost a veteran with a profile that is 28 days old…! No sign of a profile on any other social network. Certainly searching using the username or given email address returns no other results (responsible in some ways – but as I say I’d expect some Fet presence) although the pictures do seem to be Her and text seems original. Ironically, no face pictures or foot pictures (She was contacting about a foot play session).
Now, I’m not saying any of these are deliberate scams. The first two in particular probably needed a little guidance in the sense of “you can’t, as an unknown, jump on and say ‘I am selling socks/photos/etc’ and expect sales” if nothing else. Effectively guidance in building a presence and a brand so to speak. Which is precisely what the third is doing.
The 4th… £50 for 5 minutes on Skype? Umm… You are going to have to be seriously impressive to get that, I’m sorry. Not wanting to compare to O/others – but – scanning what some top Professionals ask, £2.50 per minute seems around the max, so £50 for 20 minutes. Obviously exclusions around general Findomme. But, an unknown, with no clear pictures, requesting that for 5? Good luck.
And of course, Skype – you can’t pay-per-Skype and they’re also becoming quite nifty at kicking sex workers off. To pay Her, I needed to tribute Her Paypal (who are also kicking Sex Workers off! ) and then, well, hope She answers the call…
Whilst I could raise a dispute with Paypal, this may get me my money back – it would also close Her account as a SW. It would also flag with my account I’d been paying SW’s. So, anyone I pay in future could be brought under doubt.
So from my perspective I’m being asked for a lot of money on a platform that I can challenge but will cause me problem to use a service with someone who is unverified.
But also, from Her perspective… I could pay the cash, do the session, then challenge Her paypal. As a sex worker She would lose struggle to get any other funds from Paypal. This set up wouldn’t keep Her safe either.
Because, as I’ve said, scams can work both ways….
Anyway, I politely declined and wished Her luck. I don’t have the cash and if I did I’d rather put it towards something real time.
And, last but not least.
We had an interesting character in one of the local groups. The post looked fairly solid – you know – looking for subs to explore with, ride of your life, etc.
Before I even really saw it, a couple of people had questioned without response why the OP had her location listed in Birmingham, but was advertising in groups in both the North-East of England and in Hampshire.
For the non-UK residents, these are places quite a distance apart. But, I dunno, it’s not impossible. But, then, the text on the profile was lifted word for word from a Mistress’ website in South Florida and doing a reverse image search on the one and only photo was lifted from the Instagram of a French Model.
Of course to most people, even without doing some of the searches, could see something was amiss.
However, this hadn’t stopped two people commenting to say they were “interested” and no doubt others sent PMs.
To second guess how things would play out, I have no doubt our phantom fish would be interested in meeting anyone who contacted her privately but would no doubt either have some test to prove they were devoted to her (say, expensive gifts) or there would be some sob story which required money.
This in itself is something which ties in with things I said at the beginning against the impact this has on those in the industry side of things or lifestyle. There becomes this cold assumption that anyone asking for gifts, a deposit, or whatever is a scammer, crook, golddigger or fraud. Which is simply not true.
There’s probably a lot more I can say on this, but a potential to go on far longer than needed. Always approach with caution and…
If something seems too good to be true… it probably is.