Lucky for me I don’t believe in luck.
You see it all the time.
“Lucky sub, wish that was me”, “Lucky guy”, etc.
I don’t believe in luck.
Mind. I say that, I do often feel “lucky”.
So, you see a photo or video or story of a “lucky sub” (or “Dominant” or general kinky person : although some of my logic is transferable, pro-subs do exist – I do apologise this is yet-another F/m type post) and wish it was you.
I’m going to tell you one of the secret’s I’ve learned over the years. This comes out of the darkest of secret circles.
It can be you.
All you have to do is book a session.
I kind of appreciate this is a very black and white answer to something that could be quite complex.
Someone who has something that you want could be deemed “lucky” – but it omits several aspects including what they did to get it.
It also overlooks that there’s plenty of stuff in your life that others consider to be “lucky” but you know it didn’t come down to that.
I often feel lucky because I feel I get a lot out of BDSM, for example.
But, then, I also believe that everything you do well opens doors.
So, just turning up to munches and events helps build friendships. This can lead to helping each other or future play or just improving your knowledge.
Contributing to online discussions, likewise.
Plus of course, booking sessions with Professionals, keeping an eye out for other opportunities, so forth.
Likewise there’s plenty of negative behaviours that will close doors.
But, generally, I feel the standard is “turn up, don’t be a dick” will get you far. If you ARE a dick then look to learn from it and improve instead of sticking with negative traits and blaming others.
Whenever a Mistress says anything like “Lucky slaves get to…” what I translate that to is “Slaves whom the Mistress trusts get to…” and trust is based from following instructions, showing you are reliable, so forth.
I’d also say, while it should never be expected, the guy who gives a little extra – always brings a gift, is helpful and courteous, tries to be helpful outside of sessions, so forth is more likely to build up rapport than the guy who provides just the minimum, is pushy with requests, or whom gives extra *expecting* something in return.
Of course, there are always facets you can look at to say someone is “lucky”. For example: they may live closer to your favourite Mistress (and there being good reasons stopping you relocating, say, family ties) or have more disposable income for regular sessions or whatever, but, there’s still too many circumstance we don’t know.(Granted, there are those who were born into wealth, or have had other circumstances giving advantages. But most of us are in similar boats… even then, what you lack in advantages you can make up with a positive attitude)
I suppose a key lesson on that point is – don’t compare yourself to other subs for your own happiness.
I mean, there’s a lot you can get from them (and give back) such as inspiration, ideas for things you might wish to try, support. As a side note, I often feel confused when lost/new subs only want to talk to Mistresses. You’ve got a support group of peers in other sub guys!
But comparing yourself to others doesn’t always give the full picture.
It’s a bit like those “I wish I could draw, but I’m not talented” – yeah, cos those who can draw never spent hours practising?
I’d like the skills at being able to cartoon, but finding the time to learn is not a priority for me. I’d like to improve my Photoshop skills, but what I can do is adequate for what I need and finding time to better them is not a priority.
You have to budget time into things, they don’t just happen.
The other problem with assuming someone else is merely “lucky” is it’s another form of excuse we make for ourselves in not getting what we want. It’s easy do dismiss someone else as being “lucky” when we don’t wish to make the effort, commitment, tribute, etc. ourselves. We might actually even be kidding ourselves that we’re “not good enough”
You are “good enough”, we’re all “good enough”. Not to sound like I’m putting myself down but I’m not exactly a well trimmed super-hunk. I’m not particularly wealthy.
But, I’m good enough.
Besides, sometimes you don’t need to “get it” – tying in with my “book a session” at the start. It doesn’t always have to be about Dominance and submission. It doesn’t always have to be about building a relationship (but it always helps…) – there are plenty of “How to contact a Mistress” guides about (my top tip would be to read Her website and make sure you complete fields on her form clearly. Even if you’re not a ‘sub’ then being a decent and polite human is going to make Her more likely to want to spend time with you and explaining you’d likely to do whatever it is you think would make you lucky in exchange for the agreed tribute…) and there’s a good chance She will be willing to try to arrange time with you.
There are other options, there are other pathways. There’s many things I’ve done which have come about from circumstance and opportunities. Honestly, if you “wish it was you” then just do it, you won’t regret it.
Regardless, I do often feel lucky. I also do appreciate a couple of advantages I have (including an understanding wife who encourages me). Just with some of the experiences I have and things that have opened up. I do feel privileged for some of the things that have happened, but, at the same time. Perhaps to dismiss things as luck would mean that one day the luck will dry out. However, by continuing to have the right attitude, seeking to improve, accepting suggestions, then good things will keep happening.