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bdsm blog
One of the myths that always pops up is “the submissive is the one really in control”
Granted. The submissive has more control than credit is sometimes given for but to say they have overall control is both inaccurate and, frankly, dangerous.
For the sake of this post I am going to use Dominant as a catch all for terms such as “Top”, “Service Top”, “Sadist”, “Rigger”, etc because the logic is the same – and submissive again as a catch all covering “bottom”, “masochist”, etc.
Not to say I’ve been slow in updating my blog recently. But, I’ve been slow at updating my blog recently.
In 2023 so far there have been 5 published blogs, this makes number 6, so around one a month. A far cry from when I was doing circa 40 a year.
So what changed, and what has been happening?
A somewhat hot topic recently has been around ‘filming tributes’ and how right or fair they are.
Often the fee/payment to see a Pro-Domme or engage in some form of online (or other play) is known as the ‘tribute’. With many also doing filming to some degree, in many cases the subs are contributing a ‘film tribute’. The guys are paying to be there. To star in a video which is going to make the Domme money.
Many people do not feel this is fair.
Here is my insight.
It’s been a lot longer than planned since I last did a diary post! So many adventures which haven’t fully gone documented, which feels a shame.
So, here are two for the price of one. January 2023 I managed two long, full, film days.
One of the covid-casualties was a gig I had been going to go to with Mx Valleycat. Heilung. I think it was rescheduled three times in the end, and then a late venue shift!
I’d been talking to a friend the other day. She has been dating and looking for a kinky partner. Although she is a switch, though it is not important to her that a partner would satisfy this.
She recently met a guy she really liked. Turned out he was into sissy play, which was not a dealbreaker for her. But they didn’t last very long.
The problem was that she found him exhausting. That meetings and interactions with him left her feeling drained and tired. That, of course, she was very happy to help him explore sissy play, but largely that’s all that conversations were.
One of my favourite stories about consent, limits, and communication sums up some of my general feelings about the problem with ‘limits’ sometimes.
The story goes.
A shibari specialist was offering play and doing demos involving a queue of volunteers.
If you are good at rope, there’s rarely a shortage of people wanting to try or play.
Some people just wanted to be tied and suspended. Some also wanted a little play. If you are suspended then any form of sensation play can be fun – wax play particularly.
I was in a conference the other day and, for some bizarre reason, they closed by asking the presenters “does pineapple go on pizza?”
My thought on this was what a bizarre way to end the day – and none of the answers were pretty insightful.
But, this did inspire a thought about that question in general.
It is one that is often divisive. To the point people really will argue over fucking anything.
You know when you’re at a club or party and someone catches your eye? You think, “Wow, they look amazing”, but then for any one of a million reasons you end up leaving having not said anything?
Well. That happens to me all the time.
But sometimes you end up following each other on Twitter and throw your hat in the ring when you see they’re looking at getting into filming and… boom… first film day of 2022.
I first met Lady Valeska at a filming and Femdom event in Evesham back in 2019.
At the time my clip store was in it’s infancy, but she was really kind enough to let me use a one-on-one clip we’d done for her OnlyFans in my store – and that was both nice and unexpected.
Not just that but of course she was someone whose company I’d enjoyed being around over those couple of days.
So, there was always hope we’d do more again.
I know there’s a running joke about the “Hey, we should do something someday” and the amount of time it takes to, well, do something. But, I think meeting Miss Jessica Hyde was certainly on the excessive front time wise – at 18 months.
To be fair to both of us, there was a pandemic. But the day we both met was glorious, but also a little nerve wracking.
A bit of a trinity today.
Filming with Foxtress (our third film day together), Goddess Cleo (who we’ve talked about filming a few times in the past it’s just never happened) and Mistress Annaliese (on her first ever film day).
So, it’s cosy. Probably the most people I’ve seen in one room in.. ooh… a while.
There is rarely a bad time to make steps in booking a first session with any form of provider (while this may follow a bias of ‘Professional Dominant’ – the logic applies to anything from Pro Subs to Full Service to anything else) – however, at the point we’re at in the pandemic when things are opening back up, it might feel like a good time – particularly if you’d previously felt you’d missed out or are looking to start getting active in kink.