“Try everything once” has to be one of my most hated phrases or pieces of “advice.” It usually adds more confusion than clarity and rarely answers simple questions. And, unsurprisingly, it often comes from someone who hasn’t tried everything.

Let’s rewind.

In the typical context, a person new to a forum or a munch may be in that kind of blind panic. They know they’re curious about kink but aren’t sure what they like or where to start—or even how to go about trying these things. Side note: I often feel these folks do have a couple of ideas but are still coming to terms with admitting what turns them on. That’s a whole other issue.

“Try everything once,” sure. As if it’s that easy.
But if a newbie is supposed to try everything once… what do they try first? What do they need to buy? Assuming we’re talking about non-solo activities, how are they supposed to find a partner? Should they buy leathers to see if they’re into it? Latex? Lingerie? This is getting expensive. And what about toys—either for solo use or with a partner? Should they get anal toys? Floggers? CBT sets? A vintage violet wand?

You get the picture. This can add up fast.

Even if time, money, and resources weren’t an issue, there’s no need to try everything.

If you still subscribe to “try everything once,” then send me £500 right now. After all, how do you know you’re not into it until you’ve done it? At this point, most folks can reason out why they don’t want to try certain things, and that’s the kind of logic we need people new to kink to apply. If they try three or four things and don’t enjoy them, they might just give up on kink altogether. Or, they might end up doing things they don’t enjoy because they think they have to.

Yes, there will be things folks try and decide aren’t for them. But there’s no reason to go in blind.

Another concern is that people who genuinely don’t know where to start are often prime targets for bad actors. Some may run scams or prey on someone’s naivety under the guise of “showing them the way.” Ironically, “try everything once” can lead people straight into those traps.

This post isn’t aimed at those who are new and uncertain, but if I had to sum up my advice: take your time; it’s not a race. Spend time in the background reading about different kinks, dynamics, or ideas. There are pictures and videos (though they won’t tell the full story), and anything that sparks an “ooh, I’d love to do that with someone” can be a good lead for research. Joining local communities can be a great way to share ideas, connect, and maybe even try some activities through workshops or discussion groups.

Going in without a clue can lead to bad experiences—remember, floggers, canes, whips, etc., all actually hurt, regardless of what you may see in hammed-up porn clips. Finding someone to explore with is often another matter, but meeting a partner and discussing a desire to explore kink together can be a great move.

And for the record: if there’s one thing worse than the “try everything once” crowd, it’s the “try everything twice” crowd. Well, you haven’t even sent me the first £500, let alone the second.