Another agony aunt topic which I’ve taken from a paraphrased version of a very common topic.
This time about when a subs circumstances have changed.
“I have been in service to a Domme who works Professionally. Due to a change in my circumstances I can no longer afford to see her as often as either I would like, or that we had previously agreed.
The change in my circumstances has me very worried, and I don’t know how long this will last for.
I’ve seen many posts about how useless broke subs are. I am worried about letting her down. I am worried that if we have to take a break that she will replace me.
What should I do?”
It’s an awful position to be in and you will neither be the first, nor the last, sub to be in such a position.
I could end the post with the very simple point of you need to tell her.
What happens after that, can be dealt with separately. I actually think some of this applicable if your relationship is with someone who doesn’t work Professionally. You might be able to afford less, or not be able to spend as much time together, so they should know.
Looking at Alternative Options
If we look at the alternatives here.
You cannot pour from an empty jug. Your service to her might be weakened if you are worried about things in the back of your mind. This affects the quality of your service and also will put a damper on any time you spend together.
You also risk running up debt. The thing with running up debt is this is paid back with interest. It also increases your monthly outgoings.
Things get worse by ignoring them.
You cannot control someone’s reaction
Now. You might have an idea how you feel your Mistress should react. A lot of the context here could be related to how long you’ve served her. How reliable you’ve been. But also her circumstances.
You cannot control how she will react.
I think something that subs sometimes fear is that they hope the reaction will be “Oh no, I’m terribly sorry about this” and one of shared disappointment and a ‘best case’ of a temporary arrangement and a general hope of somewhat keeping in touch until things level out.
So the fear is that it will be a negative reaction, or that you’re made to feel disposable. Like, another sub can just take your place or something.
You may have also hoped in your head that your relationship was more than business or you were more than just a client and that this could be the moment that part of the fantasy crashes down.
So let it.
You may be further apart than you thought
If you don’t get the minimum level of reaction you were hoping for then the two of you were further apart than you thought.
This could be that your expectations were unrealistic in the context, or that, yep, she no longer felt you were of value and that’s that. At least you know where you stand.
For getting another sub. This is something that could happen at any time, anyway.
This is something that can be complicated, I’ve written about this in my ‘being one of many‘ blog.
I don’t feel this is ultimately something to worry about.
When things improve
Once your circumstances improve then whoever she does or doesn’t have in her circle she also has a prior good sub back with you.
And if she doesn’t seem to care, or it feels there’s no longer space for you or it’s just not right… this was always going to happen eventually I’m afraid.
Which, I know is also a fear subs don’t wish to face.
Only bad things can happen by not telling her and trying to continue.
You set yourself up for disappointment if you overstate your importance or are unrealistic about expectations.
But, even from a business perspective. Most people are not going to want to permanently lose an otherwise good client.