There’s a lot said around gifting and tribute. Whether this is within the whole Findom “spoil me” kind of thing. Or gifts when meeting, or after meeting, or for a birthday or Christmas… or just because.

A lot of this post I’m going to explain my own mindset, but some of this may be helpful if you want to gift someone and trying to impress them.

Gifts aren’t (usually) mandatory

Nobody has ever made me buy them a gift.
Someone did once tell me I could buy Her a drink as an apology (actually, two people that night. It wasn’t my best night…) but then, by the same token – had I not wished to apologise (or, not erred in the first place) then no issue.

I have turned up at dungeons without a gift and felt my hands are bare. But, it’s never been commented on my lack of gift.

But, gifts are usually appreciated

While my lack of gift has never been commented, my arrival with one often is.

They can serve as an icebreaker

My very first session I was nervous as Hell, but as soon as I couldn’t think of what to say, I presented Her with the chocolates I’d bought and this picked up conversation.


But, never as currency


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gifts aren’t currency. Unless, I guess, the gift is of currency.

Currency is currency. Gifts are gifts.
Don’t expect extra time or extra treats.

Mind. As gifts help make a good impression, the improvement this makes on the impression you give can serve you in the long run.
No one owes you anything in exchange for the gift (unless something has already been spelled out. I am aware of Mistresses who’ve wishlisted particularly expensive items and offered sessions in exchange for them. But this only works if this is what THEY offer, not you.)

Gifts don’t have to be expensive

I think this is very important to learn. I heard a story from a Mistress of a guy who’d been nervous to speak with Her as She had posted some expensive gifts up and he felt his gifts would not stand up next to them.
This Mistress in question is someone who is appreciative that people have thought of Her.
Most are like this.

The budget for gifts, for me, depends on the person, our relationship, etc.
The most I’ve spent on a gift is around £100.
The least is £2.50.
Ironically. Both on the same person.

One of the best received gifts I bought cost £10 – and it’s been well worn and turns up in a lot of said Lady’s photos.

This is going to tie in with my next point. The thought is generally more important than the value. However…

Don’t try to be cheap
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a gift bought because you were trying to be cheap, screams you are cheap

The temptation is there. Wishlist. Sort by Price Lowest>Highest.
Obviously, She wants the item : it’s on Her wishlist. But, if you’re buying the cheapest – is it because it’s the cheapest or because you think it’d be a good gift to get Her?

Your mindset here is very important, because that’s also how it’ll be received.

A tip on something I’ve done… bundle several cheaper items together as one order. It’s then easier to select within budget especially if it’s someone you don’t massively know or are unsure on items above that.

Be cautious buying outside of wishlist
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mind not all unwanted gifts are this bad

A lot here depends on how well you know Her. Clothing, jewellery and shoes in particular can be difficult off the wishlist, because there’s a tendancy of this to be towards your tastes than Hers.
Even if it’s just something you wish Her to wear during play, check this is OK first.

I can be quite guilty for picking up chocolates, flowers or alcohol. These have been pretty much well received. But, for example, I know at least one high profile Mistress does not drink. I know a few whom prefer not to receive chocolates. Also be cautious for vegan or vegetarian Mistresses as some chocolates and alcohol are not veggie or vegan friendly.

Some people may be allergic to latex.  Also, going back to the veggie/vegan thing – some dislike leather.

If it’s on the wishlist She (probably) wants it

Yay. Unless you’re like me and suddenly check your own wishlist and find stuff you added years ago you no longer want nor need.
So, I tend to focus on more recently added items.

But, finding what to buy…

This is the challenge. I rarely buy clothing. A lot of clothing deemed sexy I sometimes feel like I’m saying the wrong thing when buying it. Whereas something more casual I might feel is odd.
Ironically… I think buying more casual items would get more wear.
One thing as well is I don’t want/like to be seen to be suggesting someone should wear something when W/we meet. I do have some clothing scenarios I’d like to do, but… a lot of things I don’t want to direct on.
A lot of Mistresses have books on their lists. I’ve bought books a few times and I think they give a good impression.

I also feel uncomfortable buying sex toys – partially again a little not wanting to imply I want them used on me. Partially because…
You know, one year in an office Secret Santa someone got me a stationery kit.
It was useful. I found it useful. But. Like… everyone else got drink, or chocolates, or an in-joke item, or whatever. What I got was, well, work.
So, because of that, buying toys which will help Her with Her business, but, seem like ‘work’ items, I feel a bit weird about.
I guess exceptions apply.

If in doubt…

A gift card will always be appreciated!
Then She can make Her own calls on what to buy, or, put towards something.


I know I’m not a Mistress – but – if anyone wants to buy me a gift 😉 Link to my wishlist.