It’s fitting that I re-wrote my ‘2017 in review’ because I didn’t like the initial tone, so I’ve also re-written my ‘aims for 2018’ post, likewise.
Click image to read on….
A first question is ‘Is this a bucket list?’
Last year I did a bucket list – and, um. Retrospectively it was a bad idea.
I kind of watched other people post theirs up and get seemingly loads of traffic “I will help you with this, I will help you with that” and mine got, well, one person.
Mind. It later seemed that a lot of people had people who expressed interest, it just ultimately didn’t come to anything (and mine was the same)
Ironically, a few things on my list I did manage to do, largely without trying. I’d turn up at a dungeon and it’d be like “we’re going to do this today” (and in some cases me wondering if this was a coincidence, or if had been read on my list)
But. Then I also felt bad because it felt I was a little guilty of entitlement “Here is my list, you lot come give me kink/sex/etc in my hands”
Though, not something I think of other people’s lists.
So, anyway. For my own health, this isn’t a bucket list. There are, however, points that others may be able to help with – so if you can help, then, speak up. Or if you can’t, I won’t take it to heart this year (I hope).
(This does sound like “this isn’t a bucket list, but really it is?” doesn’t it… I’ll let you make your own minds up)
The challenge I have… every time I meet someone I get on with, I want to meet them again.
Which is, well, natural. I guess. But this has caused a bit of a spaghetti junction of people I want to spend time with, with only so much time/resources to be able to do that with.
So, trying to smooth and balance that is a plus!
Some things I got right this year, some I got wrong. So, learning from mistakes.
But, basically, trying to gain a balance on making sure I can be available to spend time with those where there’s strongest rapport and relationships.
I won’t try to sugar this – I love filming. For so many reasons. I could be all “good sub” and say that by filming with a Mistress I get to provide them with someone versatile and reliable to help make the content they want – and – am happy to help a little bit promotion of these clips to help increase their revenue.
But, that balances nicely with things like : it let’s me spend time with people I might not otherwise be able to afford tribute for. That, although I do aim mostly around getting what the Mistress wants, my interests are of course considered and I’ve enjoyed most clips I’ve done. With a lot of the ones I maybe haven’t enjoyed so much, there’s generally been others that day that made it worth it.
Of course this is something I would love to continue in 2018.
It’s difficult, because I don’t want to name people for assorted reasons – but – there have been ideas touted I know will happen that I’m very excited about being part of.
Then assorted “we’d love to have you, let’s talk in the new year” – it’d be nice if happened.
It is just sometimes getting the balance between sitting waiting for the emails and worrying you’ve been forgotten about and being afriad to be “So, about this thing…” in case it’s bothering or pestering.
One of my wishes actually did happen this year. This was to be invited to filming dates I didn’t apply for i.e. “I’m filming on this day, are you available?”
I’m sure I’m always wanted, else I’d be turned down, but – this type of contact does make me feel good I’ve been specifically requested.
Even if, sadly, I did have to turn 2 of these 3 down.
A wish I do have is possibly not feasible – but – a remake of the ‘Molly’ version by Carrie – original here.
On the other side of filming. I’m sitting with a UMD store with no new content. Although I did do some right of the slash filming (i.e. me getting sploshed) which I enjoyed a lot and likely to do again… I’m keen to do some myself where I’m gunging/sploshing people (with or without cameras rolling) in some way shape of form.
I did get a DM recently which looked like a possible invite (“Let’s talk in the new year”) which I’d be very excited about if I’m reading it correctly.
But, sploshing is how I got into things.
On a sub side, there’s nothing I’m particularly desperate to try.
I’m open to new activities and ideas, for sure.
Also, for example, there are assorted “We will do this a future time…” activities discussed with Mistresses and so I’d say a goal would be to actually explore them together. But, I think if time is spent together and we don’t do those activities, then the time will still be more valuable to me.
I guess if an idea did come up I wanted to try, I might be a bit more open about discussing “can we do this?”
I’ve been a bit of a slow bloomer with anal play. I now feel I’m at a closer position where I would like to go to a strap on party. There are a few good ones that are worth a look. However, there is one where I have good experience with most of the Mistresses involved. It makes for a safer bet. I just don’t think I can do the next date. Hmm.
I don’t talk about my Top/Dom side so much in these blogs. Opportunities I have found a little bit more limited – although experiences have been great. Aside from sploshing, I’d always be keen for more people to piss on.
I touched on this a bit above in terms of getting a balance between being worried about being pushy and not being forgotten about.
Plus also, working on the balance so that sitting patiently waiting for the right times isn’t mistaken for being disinterested.
But also, tying into the very beginning. Just because I want to do something, doesn’t mean I’m entitled to something. Just because I want to spend time with someone doing something, doesn’t mean they want to do that thing with me.
I have felt a little lonely at times, particularly when I’ve lacked the funds or options to travel. But, I think it’s more important to focus on what I have than what I have not.
What I have is a great bunch of friends locally. There are amazing people around the country who seem to enjoy spending time with me. Even if things and circumstances don’t always play out how we’d all like.
Be it the availability to jump on a train, the budget… or whether something totally leftfield is going to fuck everything up like a leak in your bedroom… (that’s another story…)
So. Yeah, let’s see what the new year brings.
On paper, there’s a lot to be excited about. If I can get through the year feeling useful and having fun, then it’s been a good year.
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