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Punishments in BDSM often get talked about, but it’s something that’s often a little misunderstood, especially from newcomers.
Experienced subs or Dominants might talk about being punished, or punishing their subs.
If you watch BDSM clips, or read descriptions, there are some common tropes which come up.
Often that the sub is being punished. This can be for something like being untidy, not cleaning up properly. It could be for something seemingly minor, say, not using capital protocol. Forgetting “Good night” or “Good morning” messages, whatever.
Another agony aunt topic which I’ve taken from a paraphrased version of a very common topic.
This time about when a subs circumstances have changed.
“I have been in service to a Domme who works Professionally. Due to a change in my circumstances I can no longer afford to see her as often as either I would like, or that we had previously agreed.
The change in my circumstances has me very worried, and I don’t know how long this will last for.
I’ve seen many posts about how useless broke subs are. I am worried about letting her down. I am worried that if we have to take a break that she will replace me.
What should I do?”
I’m not at all surprised by many of the Dominants who’ve said that future priority will be given to those who supported them during the pandemic. Certainly if you’ve been supporting your Dominant during covid, it’ll be better for both of you at the other side of this.
This did throw a few questions and points in my head.
Although, obviously I agree with this stance.
So, hypothetically in the future I might speak to someone about something and they decline because they are prioritising those who supported them during the pandemic.
Sex toys once inhabited the realm of taboo. Now, they seem to be a pretty regular fixture in mainstream sex discourse. Want a bit of thriller in your vanilla? Grab a cock ring or a bullet vibrator – pocket-sized, accessible and socially acceptable.
Kinksters have known for years what the rest of the world only now seems to be waking up to; adult toys just make sex better. And apparently, a year of lockdowns has only sped up our lust for experimentation. London sex shops Coco De Mer and Ann Summers have seen their sales skyrocket as both newbies and fetish pros are spending these extended periods of isolation thinking outside the box.
We’re not very far into 2021. 2020 didn’t really go the way any of us envisioned and, I think, there is a good possibility of things to look forward to in 2021.
I don’t know how the situation will be in different countries, but, for the UK I would expect that after the priority groups are vaccinated that we will start to see restrictions eased.
Granted, some things might become more practical later rather than sooner. For example it might be that bars and venues can reopen, but if there’s things like social distancing and group limits or whatever it makes some things less viable.
2020 in Review – All that was. And all that wasn’t.
I’ve decided end of year reviews are always going to be weird.
This one… it’s been a year, hasn’t it?
Before I continue with this post, there is something important I want to raise. I’d be surprised if many of us have really made the progress we wanted to this year.
Tweets not going out? Categories disappearing? Words now vanishing and being replaced?
What is going on at Clips4Sale? And when is it getting resolved?
I’d been considering in doing an industry-news section of the blog and this seems to be a very appropriate time, with some chaos at clips4sale affecting buyers and sellers alike.
Firstly people noticed their sales and ‘new clip’ tweets were not going out. Some spotted the c4supdates twitter was marked as suspended.
This was a specific email I’d been sent for advice on a scenario.
I’m sure many have possibly had the same hypothetic concern, or, similar may have happened to them. This is my take.
The query relates to a session that’s been paid for in advance, failing to happen. What can the sub do?
A couple of messages (some of specific scenarios, some generally being a form of FAQ) has led me to start a new Agony Aunt category.
Consider that my advice is based solely on my experience.
I want to start with an extremely common question I’ve heard/answered which I’ve paraphrased below.
“I have told my wife/girlfriend/partner about my fetish/fantasy. Unfortunately, they have said no – they won’t do/try this with me. How can I get them to do this for/with me?”
More and more people are looking into opening their own clip store, or are considering the benefits of being on multiple.
It’s very easy to get carried away and a lot of pros and cons I want to look at in this guide.
Firstly. Having a clip store at all.
Pros.
- Revenue source (via clip sales)
- Good passive income (clips that are listed always have a potential to sell and make money)
- A way to promote yourself or brand (people see you, your name, etc. more and become more aware of you)
Cons.
- Depending on what resources you have there are set up costs (recording equipment, lights, editing software/computer, the actual costs of making the clips.)
- The time (planning, losing a day to making clips, then having to edit/upload/etc. while also keeping on top of rule changes or fighting piracy)
- It’s a risk (the cost to make the clips exists, but there’s never any certainty they’ll do well)
- Once it’s on the web, it’s on the web (if you decide to later leave the industry, pulling everything down can be a losing battle)
Now it might be at this point, for whatever reason, you decide not to proceed in opening a clip store. Some people love filming. Some find it lacks the rhythm of a session.
But, if you continue – then I recommend opening a clip store on just one platform. But if you are on one platform already and are looking at branching out and opening a clip store on others.
Despite my headline, it’s been 7 months since a lockdown was first announced and we’ve been living with one restriction or another.
Even the most optimistic amongst us should also be braced that this is likely to continue for the next 6 months*. With some time for things to return to “normal” even after that.
(*the reality being that we’re going to need to see how we get through the winter – and that if the current vaccine trials prove successful – there’s still time required to roll out, to assess the efficiency and what the take-up is even like)
Ownership : Being one sub of many
It’s not massively uncommon to see a Dominant have/own multiple subs.
There’s lots of different structures this can occur in and is neither exclusive to the “Professional” or “Lifestyle” side of things.
It may, but not necessarily, be polyamorous but is certainly a form of non-monogamy.
This is something that is a new idea to many people and certainly not without it’s challenges.
Being part of a set up like this has it’s advantages and disadvantages (just like anything anywhere, really) but it’s certainly something to think about if this is ‘for you’ and some of the perils you might run into.