Category
Opinion Pieces
There is rarely a bad time to make steps in booking a first session with any form of provider (while this may follow a bias of ‘Professional Dominant’ – the logic applies to anything from Pro Subs to Full Service to anything else) – however, at the point we’re at in the pandemic when things are opening back up, it might feel like a good time – particularly if you’d previously felt you’d missed out or are looking to start getting active in kink.
I write a lot of clip descriptions – not just for myself but for others
Now, ultimately the purpose of a description is to provide an extra selling point – both kinda describing what is in the clip but also possibly selling a little bit of a fantasy.
I was half thinking a little – that, I literally did a clip the other week where the honesty was that I’d just finished a strap on clip with Miss Annaliese and Foxtress basically was – “I want a go” and dragged me into the hall for another clip.
Every now and then someone will make a blog, or post, or tweet about some form of “good practice” in kink.
This is usually based around everything from safety precautions, consent, scene negotiation, vetting, whatever.
And, every now and then. Someone will comment to say about how people are trying to make BDSM “safe” and “wrap it up in cotton wool”.
There are various straw arguments often get used (“Crossing the street isn’t safe!”, “Some people are attracted to the danger, so putting safety in place negates that!”, “Don’t tell me how to play!”) which I will look at also.
But, I dunno, is BDSM becoming “too safe”?
A common scenario I see from sub guys is this kinda dilemma.
They have, or had, a partner and the relationship has proceeded as relationships do. They’ve then perhaps raised a fetish, or dynamic, or idea and their partner just hasn’t warmed to it.
Perhaps they have a foot fetish and their partner is grossed by feet. Perhaps they want their partner to be “Dominant” and their partner just isn’t really interested.
So they then either accept this and the relationship continues. Or, this becomes something that ends. But it can feel like both have wasted time putting into a relationship that at least one could never be happy with.
To counter this. There are of course people who are very explicit in what they want. Be it they want a FLR. A partner who is Dominant. Who has certain kinks or fetishes. Who enjoys having their feet worshipped, or at least open to the idea.
Before I get to the obvious – this was something raised to me as a question as a suggestion for a blog.
The backstory goes as follows.
“There was a Mistress who made some posts about being poly and celebrating the virtues of it. But, she insisted her subs remained mono. She admitted she had double standards. It seems strange?”
Some of this unpacks some of the myths around poly and other shades of non-mono.
A common fantasy I see raised a lot is the idea of being a live-in slave.
Except, the fantasy is not presented as being a fantasy, but a goal.
Obviously there are people who have this type of relationship, under different structures and results. However, I feel many subs and slaves are often wide of the mark on.
Why you’re not getting the play or relationships you crave
People often want different things from their patriation in the fetish community (be participation signing up for websites or going to munches/events).
And while some people seem to have great relationships, get lots of play, so on – there are those who often struggle and get frustrated.
The purpose of this blog is to highlight some common failures and also a little ‘what you can do to increase prospects’.
Punishments in BDSM often get talked about, but it’s something that’s often a little misunderstood, especially from newcomers.
Experienced subs or Dominants might talk about being punished, or punishing their subs.
If you watch BDSM clips, or read descriptions, there are some common tropes which come up.
Often that the sub is being punished. This can be for something like being untidy, not cleaning up properly. It could be for something seemingly minor, say, not using capital protocol. Forgetting “Good night” or “Good morning” messages, whatever.
Another agony aunt topic which I’ve taken from a paraphrased version of a very common topic.
This time about when a subs circumstances have changed.
“I have been in service to a Domme who works Professionally. Due to a change in my circumstances I can no longer afford to see her as often as either I would like, or that we had previously agreed.
The change in my circumstances has me very worried, and I don’t know how long this will last for.
I’ve seen many posts about how useless broke subs are. I am worried about letting her down. I am worried that if we have to take a break that she will replace me.
What should I do?”
I’m not at all surprised by many of the Dominants who’ve said that future priority will be given to those who supported them during the pandemic. Certainly if you’ve been supporting your Dominant during covid, it’ll be better for both of you at the other side of this.
This did throw a few questions and points in my head.
Although, obviously I agree with this stance.
So, hypothetically in the future I might speak to someone about something and they decline because they are prioritising those who supported them during the pandemic.
Sex toys once inhabited the realm of taboo. Now, they seem to be a pretty regular fixture in mainstream sex discourse. Want a bit of thriller in your vanilla? Grab a cock ring or a bullet vibrator – pocket-sized, accessible and socially acceptable.
Kinksters have known for years what the rest of the world only now seems to be waking up to; adult toys just make sex better. And apparently, a year of lockdowns has only sped up our lust for experimentation. London sex shops Coco De Mer and Ann Summers have seen their sales skyrocket as both newbies and fetish pros are spending these extended periods of isolation thinking outside the box.
We’re not very far into 2021. 2020 didn’t really go the way any of us envisioned and, I think, there is a good possibility of things to look forward to in 2021.
I don’t know how the situation will be in different countries, but, for the UK I would expect that after the priority groups are vaccinated that we will start to see restrictions eased.
Granted, some things might become more practical later rather than sooner. For example it might be that bars and venues can reopen, but if there’s things like social distancing and group limits or whatever it makes some things less viable.