I just finished ‘How to Build a Sex Room’ on Netflix and this is my review.

First off. Any form of positive representation of kink or sex is a good thing.
And most of it was a positive representation.


There were a few people touched on as extras including plenty of sex shops or workshops, shibari experts, pro-dommes, dancers.

Though it feels like taking a cop to a private location where a Domme practices with her sub was rather tone deaf. As he points out he is witnessing an assault and isn’t interjecting. A lot of what we enjoy in kink, such as flogging, is actually illegal in many territories.  Even when clearly consensual it passed many laws on what constitutes as assault.
Generally, of course, it is not enforced.  But, there is a difference between having an idea what happens and actually lay witness to it.


The kinda answer, of course on How to Build a Sex Room is simply “have a big ass space and lots of money”.
With one notable exception, all of the “small spaces” were either fucking huge or could be expanded into. The “ha, create a sex room for 7 in THAT box room” until you find there’s 2 rooms next to it which can be knocked into and you suddenly have a large space.

While I’m not sure who is paying for stuff (I think TV makeover shows the studio normally pays, so it’s an unlimited budget – no one featured was hard up) I could tot up several high value jobs from upper 5 digits to lower 6. Nearly everyone got some form of custom furniture which would have been 4 digits on it’s own for one piece.

It turns out the best way to build a sex room, is to have a lot of money!

Before I get to my next point the exception was of course the van.  Even then the final redesign has a lot of stuff sit outside which is going to need to be stored inside (if the van needs to move or in the event of, y’know, weather) I would still say it was a good redesign especially with the storage space.


During an early episode I got out the football analogy of “show us what you can do on a Tuesday night in a wet day in Stoke”.

There were diversity in some of the relationships. But, not economic diversity. Regardless of who was paying (see above) these were all people who owned their own spaces and not short of a bob or two.

Show us the renters in a small flat who cannot make structural changes.

The people who really are on a budget, but want a little more than the clothes pegs and wooden spoons everyone suggests at kink on a budget workshops. Even just a 4 digit budget if nothing else.


While I did say mostly positive.
There was often a constant tone of “it doesn’t have to be seedy” which implies by design that a lot of places are.
Show us that they’re not. That there is a negative impression of fetish events, venues, etc. That it’s not really every 90s film where the hero visits a club with pounding industrial music and graffiti and such. Shake off that a lot of people have it wrong.

And while a lot was simplified in a made-for-TV kinda way one thing I didn’t like was the “she is going to learn to be a Dominatrix… oh… she didn’t like this one particular way of doing something therefore she is just a Top” which absolutely reeked of twue-wayism.
To one degree – Dominatrix is generally a Pro-Domme. There’s no harm in anyone else using it. I don’t know any female Dominants who do not work professionally who use it. Even those who do use it usually use it for SEO rather than what they would call themselves.
But on another… the activity being shown was a tease clip that the ass was there but just out of reach, can look but can’t touch – etc. which is a kinda psychological tease.
But that’s not for everyone.
Like if you want him to touch/kiss your ass and he wants to do the same – and you’re the Dominant you don’t have to deny him what you both fucking want to be Dominant.
It was just boggling.


I won’t say I didn’t enjoy it as it was entertaining and there were some likeable people. It would be interesting what a “catch up” with these 6 months later looked like. To review their feelings.  Some of these rooms are difficult to maintain and some elements of novelty might wear off a little
A few of these folk what they needed wasn’t to throw several thousand at a sex room but to have some form of couples therapy.
Otherwise it’s just an expensive band aid on a bullet hole.

I’ve done others of these – here was a spin off about Bonding.