This was a specific email I’d been sent for advice on a scenario.

I’m sure many have possibly had the same hypothetic concern, or, similar may have happened to them.   This is my take.

The query relates to a session that’s been paid for in advance, failing to happen.  What can the sub do?

The quandary.

“What can a submissive do, when in the eyes of the English legal system they have a written contract with a Domme, but it is then renegade upon by the other party. Full tribute had been provided, (this was going to be a 2 metre non contact public meet up due to Covid) we were only going to catch up, I was her collared sub at the time. Due to the nature of our agreement, and the fact that society frowns upon this community, the legal route is probably a no go.

After a few weeks of waiting for the Domme to provide a date, I emailed simply to ask the question if it was prudent for us to fulfill the meet due to current circumstances. The reply I received was a both abusive and bullying. This was the second occasion that this particular Domme had become aggressive simply due to my asking a question of her. I fear this individual is an abusive person hiding behind the title of a Dominant.

I decided to end our relationship there and asked for my tribute back. Her rebuttal was to inform me that because we had emailed a couple of times that evening, she no longer owed me any monies that had been predetermined to another setting. There seems to me to be no recourse if a submissive is defrauded or scammed and is left out of pocket. The sub can argue their case via Twitter, but face a jury via social media… which even when presented with evidence, will most likely take the side of the Domme.

This is a well respected Domme with 30000+ followers. I have thought about naming and shaming, but fear that it would cause more issues than solutions.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated.”

My considered response.

There’s a lot of different opinions I have on this.

Sometimes, there’s little we can really do above take things on the chin.  Which can sometimes suck within itself.

Obviously these times of covid have been somewhat chaotic.  They’ve impacted many Dominants and submissives alike.  From both hits to finances and distribution to plans, as well as assorted concerns. Especially around friends, family and ourselves.

However, this doesn’t change the fact you have paid for a service that was not provided.

Recovery is possible. But, not advised.

There are ways to recover your money.  However in this scenario I wouldn’t recommend them.  Not because she is known/respected or any recourse to yourself, but because the money been recovered from her when she isn’t expecting it could leave her out of pocket at a difficult time and I imagine you wouldn’t want to do that to someone you were, until recently, collared to.

The best outcome to hope for is for some dust to settle and for her to contact you and realising she had been rash and asking if you wanted to reschedule and making a decision from there.

I possibly wouldn’t hold your breath.

Moving forward

And whilst this sucks and hurts because aside from any lost expenditure this is also the end of a relationship, this does leave you free to seek out other Dominants.

One of the things you will probably find is that if her behaviour is as inappropriate as you feel, then you’ll neither be the first, nor last, sub to reconsider their position.

There are a whole lot of amazing Dominants out there, and this is at least a chance to find someone you’re possibly better suited for.

Got a burning issue?

Do you have a question you’d like me to tackle?  Send any for consideration to for my consideration.