I know there are many different “how to contact a Dominant” type blogs – although, still many people who clearly could learn more.
I have, at times, seen people feel this doesn’t apply to them or is pretentious or whatever bollocks – but, there is part of this I’m going to explain.

While it may seem obvious to consider “first impressions” – there is a little more to it than that. It’s also a form of vetting.

I’m going to explain this simple and to the point.


If you come across polite and well mannered it comes across as someone they’d want to spend time with moreso than anyone short and rude.

Can follow instructions

If there’s instructions on a website or profile then following these shows that you can follow instructions – something very important in any form of servitude.

Attention to detail

Not always so important – but if speaking with someone who expects capital protocol, going through and checking that each You is capitalised along with others where appropriate shows you can make the little details.

Are unlikely to be a nag

If you don’t get a response super quick, then a lot of subs have an awful habit of chasing and pushing for one – this is a negative trait as it shows you lack patience and would be pushy for what you want.
There may, in some circumstances, be an appropriateness to send a follow-up message, but this shouldn’t be any form of “bump” or repeating what you’ve already said.

Are clear at communication

This is important, if you are able to provide the information required to make the session work (“Make it brief but make it count”) then it shows there’ll be less coercion for information.

Are realistic

You can’t fit 26 fetishes into an hour booking.  (I think 2 activities per hour seems about normal) and likewise, it’s not realistic to be a personal live in slave with someone you’ve not even met.  If you also come up with fantasies or ideas which are just not reasonable or realistic then it’s also going to be a no.

But don’t be too expectant

If you are booking a session, for example, I would expect a response to a good message even if it’s a “no”.  But, don’t be too expectant.  You can assume if you hear nothing within a few days then it was a no, but this could be a no because – actually – even the best messages aren’t sure to be of interest – or it could be due to time restrictions, vacation, home emergency, so on.

I guess it also depends on what you are emailing for.  I, for the sake of argument, am assuming that this is either a booking request, or in application in response to an advert – rather than cold contacting someone you’ve had no prior contact with in the hope of getting something they’re not looking for, especially not from a stranger.

An example mail

If in doubt.

Dearest [Honorific] [Name]

I saw that You have availability for sessions this week and would be interested in booking time with You.  Are You available at [time] on [day] for [booking length]?

My experience in BDSM is [experience] and fetishes I would be interested in exploring with You are [interests]

If You could let me know Your availability I can arrange a deposit for the booking.


[Your name]