Every now and then I get a message from another guy.
The general vibe is usually
“You get to do cool things and meet nice Women, I would also like that”
Sometimes I even get “maybe you could take me with you.”
No stranger. I don’t know you from shit, taking you with me would be a form of vouching and I can’t vouch for you because I don’t know you and any bad behaviour will reflect on me.
“I want to be like you”
You don’t. What you see is the end product and that’s what you want. You want it without the effort, the expenditure, the emotional challenges, the jealousy, the depression, the frustration – so on.
You want me to be able to give you a magic, quick-win, solution. There isn’t one.
There are so many challenges and struggles and stumbling blocks I’ve faced – some of which are in prior blogs, some of which may come in future ones.
I mean, I do like being helpful. This is true. It’s one of the driving factors of how this blog took a life of it’s own.
However, what is, effectively, one-to-one mentoring with a stranger.
Why would I do this?
What do I get out of this?
There’s scope here where nearly every suggestion I make (say : go to a munch) would be met with a whole bunch of new questions (where is there a munch? what is a munch? what happens? etc.) and what ends up happening is I spend hours/days/etc giving advice – which – invariably isn’t going to be listened to.
What you are really looking for is some magic solution.
And, dare I say, you look at me – think I look quite plain or ordinary – and in some cases I can tell you already think you’re better than me so want to know why I’m getting what you want and you’re not.
Of course, I’m aware with some I have engaged with – there is sometimes a bit more respect.
So, you know. Not making too blanket statements.
If you want my advice and guidance. Here are my tips.
Read Now. Ignore Later.
Read through my blogs. Some of the diary posts are not necessarily important – but certainly some of the opinion posts, journey posts or back to basics posts.
Also get information from a different source.
Compare and contrast – you might find what works for you is a mixture between our opinions.
This is mentioned in a few blogs but the quickest way to go from not getting what you want to getting what you want is to pay a professional.
For that you need a budget and the ability to write a clear and concise email that basically goes “Dear…. I am interested in fetish/kink/BDSM (delete as appropriate) and was looking for someone to help me explore some of my interests. What is your upcoming availability – my preferred date and time is… but I’m flexible. My interests are…. and my experience is… please let me know if this is possible and I will arrange a deposit”
The community, “scene”, etc. side of things can be a lot of fun and a good way to make a lot of friends – but, it’s not for everyone and it may take a little while to build up trust or whatever.
It can also carry a lot of drama, politics and arguments – which again, revisit point 2 above – which, well, there’ll often be someone trying to involve you in. Approach with scepticism.
Ultimately no matter who offers to help you – you’re going to have to be largely self-taught. The problem with allowing those willing to hold you hand to hold it, is it doesn’t necessarily lead you down the right path.
The single most important piece of advice I will always give is the two golden rules which pretty much did me right.
Rule 1 : Turn Up
Rule 2 : Don’t be a dick
And, there you go. Free guidance.
Of course. Perhaps if I do kind of know you, I might be able to be more accommodating.
Or, we can always discuss what I gain in return for my time. So, if, dear stranger, I spend hours swapping messages with you – how would you make it worth my while?