Tag
submission
If you google “myths about submission” the vast majority of results that come back are bias towards submissive women.
And this is valid, and a lot of points are completely transferable, but – all too often I see myths that a lot of submissive men feel about themselves, or feel they have to live up to, or that they face.
Mistress’s words were the only thing her sub heard, as he was under hypnosis. Her voice was soft and clear, like a whisper echoing in the dungeon. The only other sound came from the atmospheric electronic music that played in the background.
Her hot breath touched his ear, sending shivers down his spine as she spoke.
“I have a series of questions for you, it’s important you answer each one honestly”
The sub lay there, obedient but nervous. Despite the mild hypnosis he was still very aware of his surroundings and was nervous as to what she had in store for him.
One of the myths that always pops up is “the submissive is the one really in control”
Granted. The submissive has more control than credit is sometimes given for but to say they have overall control is both inaccurate and, frankly, dangerous.
For the sake of this post I am going to use Dominant as a catch all for terms such as “Top”, “Service Top”, “Sadist”, “Rigger”, etc because the logic is the same – and submissive again as a catch all covering “bottom”, “masochist”, etc.
I’d been talking to a friend the other day. She has been dating and looking for a kinky partner. Although she is a switch, though it is not important to her that a partner would satisfy this.
She recently met a guy she really liked. Turned out he was into sissy play, which was not a dealbreaker for her. But they didn’t last very long.
The problem was that she found him exhausting. That meetings and interactions with him left her feeling drained and tired. That, of course, she was very happy to help him explore sissy play, but largely that’s all that conversations were.
It’s been a while since I did a diary post (or blog in general, sorry!) but this is one with so much adventure it feels like it shouldn’t be left out.
There is a lot of back story, so this might take some pulling together.
In 2019 there was an event called Messtival organised by Penny Banks.
Messtival was a film festival, and awards event, for splosh films.
There is rarely a bad time to make steps in booking a first session with any form of provider (while this may follow a bias of ‘Professional Dominant’ – the logic applies to anything from Pro Subs to Full Service to anything else) – however, at the point we’re at in the pandemic when things are opening back up, it might feel like a good time – particularly if you’d previously felt you’d missed out or are looking to start getting active in kink.
Filming, and other opportunities, through the pandemic had been sparse.
A lot felt weird to diary about, so I didn’t, but many were low risk and low key. Literally myself, the lady and a tripod.
Today we have a camera operator – so there’s 3 of us!
Before I get to the obvious – this was something raised to me as a question as a suggestion for a blog.
The backstory goes as follows.
“There was a Mistress who made some posts about being poly and celebrating the virtues of it. But, she insisted her subs remained mono. She admitted she had double standards. It seems strange?”
Some of this unpacks some of the myths around poly and other shades of non-mono.
A common fantasy I see raised a lot is the idea of being a live-in slave.
Except, the fantasy is not presented as being a fantasy, but a goal.
Obviously there are people who have this type of relationship, under different structures and results. However, I feel many subs and slaves are often wide of the mark on.
Punishments in BDSM often get talked about, but it’s something that’s often a little misunderstood, especially from newcomers.
Experienced subs or Dominants might talk about being punished, or punishing their subs.
If you watch BDSM clips, or read descriptions, there are some common tropes which come up.
Often that the sub is being punished. This can be for something like being untidy, not cleaning up properly. It could be for something seemingly minor, say, not using capital protocol. Forgetting “Good night” or “Good morning” messages, whatever.
A couple of messages (some of specific scenarios, some generally being a form of FAQ) has led me to start a new Agony Aunt category.
Consider that my advice is based solely on my experience.
I want to start with an extremely common question I’ve heard/answered which I’ve paraphrased below.
“I have told my wife/girlfriend/partner about my fetish/fantasy. Unfortunately, they have said no – they won’t do/try this with me. How can I get them to do this for/with me?”
Do you have to be submissive to enjoy kink?
One thing I’ve learnt over the years is that a lot of people who are, or think they are, submissive often get confused on what this entails.
That, not everyone on the “right of the slash” is actually submissive.
I’m not saying that that is any kind of bad thing.
But there’s a world of difference, for example, between someone who is a submissive and someone who is a masochist.
But, either are valid.
CLOSE TO HOME
Within myself I’ve obviously had my own questions over the years on as of if I’m actually submissive.