Category
Opinion Pieces
One of my favourite stories about consent, limits, and communication sums up some of my general feelings about the problem with ‘limits’ sometimes.
The story goes.
A shibari specialist was offering play and doing demos involving a queue of volunteers.
If you are good at rope, there’s rarely a shortage of people wanting to try or play.
Some people just wanted to be tied and suspended. Some also wanted a little play. If you are suspended then any form of sensation play can be fun – wax play particularly.
This feels maybe like an article that should/could have been made 6 months ago, but some of the events of the past 6 months make this as valid as ever.
Most weeks (probably most days even) it feels like there’s a new adult platform, application, or service springing up from somewhere and – with advice sometimes being to diversify what platforms you are on, it is difficult to know where to sign up to. So, I come with some advice and warnings.
He came online and had a raging boner
he bothered women like a stupid loner
That’s where She,
Got his mail
He said he he wanted to be her servant,
She said, “In that case I’ll have a tribute
He said why?
And in thirty seconds time he said,
I want to live like kinky people,
I want to do whatever kinky people do,
I want to sleep with kinky people,
I want to sleep with kinky people,
Like you.
I was in a conference the other day and, for some bizarre reason, they closed by asking the presenters “does pineapple go on pizza?”
My thought on this was what a bizarre way to end the day – and none of the answers were pretty insightful.
But, this did inspire a thought about that question in general.
It is one that is often divisive. To the point people really will argue over fucking anything.
I often see (particularly) new subs who appear dejected at how difficult it is for them to find a Dominant/Mistress.
Particularly so if they feel they’re in a sea of scammers or people they’ve been talking to for a week who suddenly spring up about tribute. (Which is also likely to be a scam, as Pro’s may not have wasted their own time for a week.)
There’s a few quick advice I feel I often give to subs, which are summarised below.
Something that you may see talked about in some circles is the concept of a Mentor.
For example, someone might recommend someone seeks a mentor, or someone might feel they would benefit from having one and seek one out.
Like a lot of things within kink, it’s something where there’s sometimes misunderstanding of the role.
The purpose of this blog is to look at what a mentor is, what a mentor isn’t and whether you even need one in the first place.
There is rarely a bad time to make steps in booking a first session with any form of provider (while this may follow a bias of ‘Professional Dominant’ – the logic applies to anything from Pro Subs to Full Service to anything else) – however, at the point we’re at in the pandemic when things are opening back up, it might feel like a good time – particularly if you’d previously felt you’d missed out or are looking to start getting active in kink.
I write a lot of clip descriptions – not just for myself but for others
Now, ultimately the purpose of a description is to provide an extra selling point – both kinda describing what is in the clip but also possibly selling a little bit of a fantasy.
I was half thinking a little – that, I literally did a clip the other week where the honesty was that I’d just finished a strap on clip with Miss Annaliese and Foxtress basically was – “I want a go” and dragged me into the hall for another clip.
Every now and then someone will make a blog, or post, or tweet about some form of “good practice” in kink.
This is usually based around everything from safety precautions, consent, scene negotiation, vetting, whatever.
And, every now and then. Someone will comment to say about how people are trying to make BDSM “safe” and “wrap it up in cotton wool”.
There are various straw arguments often get used (“Crossing the street isn’t safe!”, “Some people are attracted to the danger, so putting safety in place negates that!”, “Don’t tell me how to play!”) which I will look at also.
But, I dunno, is BDSM becoming “too safe”?
A common scenario I see from sub guys is this kinda dilemma.
They have, or had, a partner and the relationship has proceeded as relationships do. They’ve then perhaps raised a fetish, or dynamic, or idea and their partner just hasn’t warmed to it.
Perhaps they have a foot fetish and their partner is grossed by feet. Perhaps they want their partner to be “Dominant” and their partner just isn’t really interested.
So they then either accept this and the relationship continues. Or, this becomes something that ends. But it can feel like both have wasted time putting into a relationship that at least one could never be happy with.
To counter this. There are of course people who are very explicit in what they want. Be it they want a FLR. A partner who is Dominant. Who has certain kinks or fetishes. Who enjoys having their feet worshipped, or at least open to the idea.
Before I get to the obvious – this was something raised to me as a question as a suggestion for a blog.
The backstory goes as follows.
“There was a Mistress who made some posts about being poly and celebrating the virtues of it. But, she insisted her subs remained mono. She admitted she had double standards. It seems strange?”
Some of this unpacks some of the myths around poly and other shades of non-mono.
A common fantasy I see raised a lot is the idea of being a live-in slave.
Except, the fantasy is not presented as being a fantasy, but a goal.
Obviously there are people who have this type of relationship, under different structures and results. However, I feel many subs and slaves are often wide of the mark on.