I recently had a thought about mental health – and a kind of, how well do we communicate our needs within fetish and BDSM.
I realised that this was something myself I could do better, but I was interested about a wider base.
Most Dominants have a section about health needs on their contact forms, or encourage info of health considerations to be volunteered.
I know there are many different “how to contact a Dominant” type blogs – although, still many people who clearly could learn more.
I have, at times, seen people feel this doesn’t apply to them or is pretentious or whatever bollocks – but, there is part of this I’m going to explain.
While it may seem obvious to consider “first impressions” – there is a little more to it than that. It’s also a form of vetting.
I’m going to explain this simple and to the point.
One of the things you may know I’ve struggled with in the past of the feeling of “being good enough”. Because there’s always someone prettier, richer, can take more, more popular, has better contacts, has a specialist ability, so on.
Now. You don’t need to be “the best” to exceed the minimum standards. That’s something important.
Although this blog post isn’t about the TV show ‘Bonding’ it is partially inspired by it.
If you’re unfamiliar with the show – it’s a Netflix show regarding a young Dominatrix recruiting her high-school friend as an assistant.
It’s 7 short episodes – around 15 minutes each – and has created a little bit debate regarding a few factors.
Obviously, I’m in full support that some are unhappy that the main character has an in-character account on Twitter, with a blue tick; when actual Dominants and sex workers find themselves shadow-banned.
It also fails to showcase some of the external factors against the industry (example SESTA/FOSTA or the threat of the Nordic Model in the UK) – and she seems to walk around with little consequences.
I know there’s a temptation when you see someone’s photo/clip/etc that you like to put in a comment and “interact”.
Now, I think this can be an encouraging way to show appreciation (especially if you’ve actually bought the clip, when relevant) but before you put your fingers on the keyboard and start dancing across with one hand – here are some things to think about and consider.
A fetlife love, or a twitter retweet, will put the item into people’s feeds without you having to mash the keyboard in the name of ‘crumbs’.
Recently, I’ve seen a couple of comments from female Dominants who do not work Professionally. That there are men who try to “book them” as if they were a Pro.
There’s a couple of frustrations that Ladies like this understandably have which ultimately comes down to, well, poor male logic.
A lot of guys who claim to be submissive aren’t actually interested in a D/s or FLR relationship – what they’re really, ultimately, interested in is Pro-Domme sessions without paying for a Pro-Domme session.
I started this as foot fetish, but then quickly realised it was transferable elsewhere.
So, here it is – if you’ve got a fetish and not really getting what you want, here’s a bunch of things you maybe should stop doing in order to boost your chances.
“I’d love to that one day”
“I wish that was me”
“I’d love the opportunity to do that”
So on, so forth.
My simple question is…
So, what are you doing about it?